Author Topic: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat  (Read 203861 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

lofty

  • Jr. Member
  • *
  • Posts: 65
    • My blog and shops
Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1500 on: March 07, 2014, 04:12:22 PM »
Dear Jasper,

You known Lochlan was alpha-cat since you were brought home as an itteh-bitteh kitteh. Why, after 4 years, do you now feel the need to make a power play? Keeping him from coming upstairs where the litter boxes live is very. Not. Cool.  Knock it off or you're going to become a barn cat.

Love, Mom

Dear Lochlan,

Dude, you outweigh Jasper by about 10 lbs. Just beat the stuffing out of him and be done with it! If you want, I'll even hold him down for you. In the meantime, Mommy brought you down your own litter box; USE. IT.

Love, Mom
Coffee and paper make everything better, hence why my blog is www.CaffeinatedPapercuts.com

greencat

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2740
Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1501 on: March 07, 2014, 05:03:37 PM »
Dear cats - yes, all four of you:

I can only assume you all ~love~ my new down alternative comforter, especially when there is nice warm snuggly Not-Furry One buried underneath it. But while I am pleased that you seem to be able to get along enough to hog both blanket and Not-Furry One heat, you are all making me wake up stiff as a board from laying plastered up against me! Especially you, Rika - any closer and you'll be surgically attaching yourself to my side! Argh!

You're just lucky I find it adorable and a bit funny to wake up with cats all over me.

Ow, my joints,
The Not-Furry One.

I only know that the room got cold overnight when I awaken to find myself covered in a cat blanket.  It's like I have a sentient heated blanket!

Speaking of cats and blankets,

Dear Batman and Coffee Bean,

This would have been much cuter if I hadn't dropped the towel on the bed with the intention to pick it back up again and take a shower...



Love,

The human

magicdomino

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4853
Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1502 on: March 08, 2014, 10:25:52 AM »
Dear Magic,

Please don't steal Domino's heated bed.  Yes, it is warm and cozy, but Domino needs it.  He's old, his arthritis is hurting, and I don't think he is feeling well.  I know you are the same age; that's why I bought a second heated bed for you, even though you are in much better health.  But Domino hates to sleep on your side of the couch. 

Love,

The provider of warmth

ladyknight1

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8337
  • Operating the logic hammer since 1987.
Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1503 on: March 09, 2014, 08:25:51 PM »
Dear kitties,

I am aware that your human dad left the treats out and within reach. I did not expect to find the bag completely pulverized this morning.

Not pleased,

The woman who buys your food and treats

PastryGoddess

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5198
    • My Image Portfolio and Store
Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1504 on: March 09, 2014, 08:48:18 PM »
Dear cats, 

The food from this morning is still edible.  There will be no new food until most of the current food is gone.  It is not my fault you preferred to stay outside all day rather than eat your food.

greencat

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2740
Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1505 on: March 09, 2014, 10:01:20 PM »
Dear cats,

Please stop eating the butter I leave out of the fridge so that it's spreadable.  I am beyond tired of finding only the zippie bag with some faint traces of butter.  Also, stay out of the cabinet I left the butter in!

Love,

Human

ladyknight1

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8337
  • Operating the logic hammer since 1987.
Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1506 on: March 09, 2014, 10:23:21 PM »
Dear kitties,

You are not adequately grooming your fur, so we bought brushes. Slapping the brushes does not hurt their feelings.

Sincerely,

Mayor of kitty town

PastryGoddess

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5198
    • My Image Portfolio and Store
Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1507 on: March 09, 2014, 11:29:48 PM »
Dear kitties,

You are not adequately grooming your fur, so we bought brushes. Slapping the brushes does not hurt their feelings.

Sincerely,

Mayor of kitty town

I have found a combination of  brush, catnip spray, and treats turns whappy pawed cats in to right proper attention whores.  It is now to the point that me brushing my hair causes 1-3 kittehs sitting at my feet wondering what's taking me so long to pay attention to them. 

ladyknight1

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8337
  • Operating the logic hammer since 1987.
Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1508 on: March 10, 2014, 12:23:00 PM »
Oh, Mocha loves the brush, but slaps it then flops for brushing. She is special.  ;D

lofty

  • Jr. Member
  • *
  • Posts: 65
    • My blog and shops
Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1509 on: March 10, 2014, 01:28:09 PM »
Dear Jasper,

Yes, I DID leave my cup unattended for approximately 2 minutes last night while I checked on your human brother. Yes, it DID have liquid in it. Yes, I DID have to remove you from my lap to check on your human brother. That does not, however, give you the right to knock the full glass of soda all over the table, ottoman, and carpet! Think about it fuzz-brain, the 20 minutes I spent cleaning up the mess I could have spent snuggling you instead.

Love, Mom
Coffee and paper make everything better, hence why my blog is www.CaffeinatedPapercuts.com

Seraphim

  • The impossible I do every day -- miracles merely take a few more phone-calls.
  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 396
  • I'm not short, I'm concentrated Awesome!
Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1510 on: March 10, 2014, 06:55:27 PM »
Dear Charlie cat,

Can you please stop convincing your Dad to let you out at night? You know it wont work on me, but you have him wrapped around your little paw.

As you cost me $200 at the vet yesterday after you picked a fight with something bigger than you (and now look like a demented chipmunk with your swollen cheek) I think you will now understand why you are not allowed outside at night!

We have big dogs, snakes, possums and cane toads, all of which are lethal to tubby ginger cats like you!

So just knock it off ok?

Yours,

She who is broke!!

 



greencat

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2740
Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1511 on: March 10, 2014, 07:41:03 PM »
Dear Princess,

Ha!  Vengeance is mine!  I am using YOU for a pillow this time, since you're sleeping on top of my pile of pillows.

Neener-neener,
Your human

MonteCristo

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 407
    • My Esty Shop
Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1512 on: March 11, 2014, 12:35:37 PM »
Dear Sebastian,

I understand that the big front window is very exciting, and you like to be as high up as possible when you are pretend stalking the outside.  However, prancing on the headrest of Dad's chair and constantly swating him in the head with your tail is a really good way to get yourself banished from the room on a permanent basis.  Also, you don't weigh anything right now, so running up and down people like a cat tree isn't too bad, but once summer shorts come out and you get a little bigger that is not going to be acceptable.  So figure out a different way to get around pronto!

The aunt who brings catnip.

pierrotlunaire0

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4346
  • I'm the cat's aunt!
Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1513 on: March 11, 2014, 03:13:26 PM »
Dear Dudley, I am so happy that you are no longer a scared little shelter kitty, and I love your Cattitude.  But really, do you have to pull the blinds open so you can check out the neighbors?  The blinds are starting to become discouraged.
I have enough lithium in my medicine cabinet to power three cars across a sizeable desert.  Which makes me officially...Three Cars Crazy

camlan

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8778
Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1514 on: March 11, 2014, 04:16:23 PM »
Dear Dudley, I am so happy that you are no longer a scared little shelter kitty, and I love your Cattitude.  But really, do you have to pull the blinds open so you can check out the neighbors?  The blinds are starting to become discouraged.

Dear Dudley,

You need to teach your human about the Cat Gap. No blind should ever be completely closed. There must always be at least a four inch gap of clear, open window at the bottom, so that we cats can jump up on the window sill and see out. All cats must be able to see out of every window at all times--this is an important lesson that you must teach your human. It makes the best impression when you teach this loudly at 2 am. It does not matter that it is too dark to see anything outside at 2 am. Cats need access to all windows, all the time. It's a basic feline right.

But you are young. You will learn. And then you can teach the food providers.

Good luck,
Freddie the Fierce
Nothing is impossible, the word itself says, “I’m possible!” –Audrey Hepburn