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Author Topic: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat  (Read 795402 times)

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camlan

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1575 on: April 17, 2014, 05:34:10 AM »


Dear Dude,
I realise I suck at hunting and you want to make sure I don't starve, but there's really no need to hide a disembowelled mouse in my bed at night. While I appreciate the early morning mousey anatomy lesson (how did you rip the skin off while leaving the entrails intact?), I don't want to deal with corpses when I wake up.



Love,
the much-suffering mommy

Dear Fred,

I know I have used those words that we do not repeat outside the privacy of our little home on those occasions when you have thoughtfully placed your most recent kill on the floor by the bed right where I will step on it as I get up in the morning.

This will stop immediately. You are a very brave hunter and a very, very good boy. Gushifood is coming your way!

Love,
the human scratching post
Nothing is impossible, the word itself says, “I’m possible!” –Audrey Hepburn


ladyknight1

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1576 on: April 17, 2014, 11:31:45 AM »
Dear Mocha,

This is your 21 day notice that the kitten food will be discontinued. You will be one year old and can live on adult food.

I picked you up this morning and you feel like a butter ball turkey wrapped in warm fur. You have filled out nicely, and I think you are mostly done growing.

Love,

Mom
“All that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost."
-J.R.R Tolkien

greencat

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1577 on: April 17, 2014, 02:34:01 PM »
Dear fluffy baby kittens,

For the love of dog, stop chewing on each other and screaming while I'm trying to sleep.  You are the noisiest babies ever!

Love,

The babysitter

Venus193

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1578 on: April 20, 2014, 08:28:17 PM »
Dear Figaro,

I love that you've lost a little weight and look more like the mysterious kitty you want to be.  However, it does not please me that you can now climb up the back of the wall unit that houses the TV, stereo, cable box, and numerous books.

You will not like it when I have that unit removed to make way for the new TV set I have to buy.

Love,

The provider of Fancy Feast





Photoperson

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1579 on: April 21, 2014, 06:57:00 AM »
Dear kittycat,

I love that you love me so much. I really do. But when I'm doing yoga, I don't need you to help me. Those poses when I'm lying on the floor are not meant to be done with you draped around my head and purring in my ear. And when I lift my head off the floor, I do not want to find you in the way when I lower it. Just stick to showing off how much more limber you are than I am, and leave the sweaty stuff to me.

greencat

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1580 on: April 21, 2014, 07:39:07 AM »
Dear kitties,

Can you guys perhaps not throw my shoes everywhere?  I was a good human and picked them all up off the floor and put them on my shoe racks where they belong and you are ruining it.  Likewise with the laundry - I put it in a basket for a reason, which was not so that you guys could play with it.   Now my room is a mess again and it is not my fault. 

Love,

Your ever-suffering roommate.

AnnaT

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1581 on: April 23, 2014, 12:50:57 AM »
Dear Jasper-cat,

Where the hell are you finding all of these pipe cleaners?!? Seriously cat, I counted; you have 14 of them now! I found the package you chewed through and put it in the cupboard that you cannot open, and yet you are still bringing more downstairs. I admit, it is adorable that you gave each of your siblings one, too, but come on now - enough already!

The frustrated food-provider

Those are mine, I thought I'd lost them, please ask Jasper to return them when he's done with them.
I'll mail them to you; look for a large box with air holes. Don't be alarmed if it meows.

 ;D  We definitely need a like button!  ;D

greencat

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1582 on: April 23, 2014, 01:21:48 AM »
Dear cats,

Looking at you, MomCat, because the rest of the inmates are not coordinated enough to take down a bird.  Do not bring birds into the house, alive or dead, and most especially do not leave them on my bedroom floor for me to find when I get home from work.  I know you're trying to teach the little monsters adorable baby kittens how to hunt, but seriously, they don't have the attention span for hunting more than my shoes at this point.

Not-so-much-love,
The zookeeper

P.S. If that was the bird that was making obscene amounts of noise outside my window when I was trying to sleep, please know that I appreciate the silencing, but still do not want the aftermath in my room.

Ser Lucien Liliane

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1583 on: April 23, 2014, 01:41:01 AM »
Dear Sophie,

I'm well aware you're very appreciative that you now get to explore The Great Basement. I would appreciate it, however, if you would stop doing these two things:

1: Playing in the shower stall. It's fiberglass. You thump around like an elephant on methamphetamines. I can hear you two levels up when you do that. This will not fly.

2: Coaxing the dumb-as-a-rock dog downstairs, just to see him skid on the tile. One of these days he's going to tear or break something if you keep doing that.

I'd also like you to stop cold-nosing my hand and going "Mwwk!" just to make me jump when I don't bother turning the bathroom light on, even if it is funny in retrospect.

Mumble grumble kitten razzum frazzum hmph,
The Not-Furry One.
"Ah, yes. I forgot you've taken levels in Defeating Paperwork."


GreenHall

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1584 on: April 23, 2014, 08:25:41 AM »
Dear cats,

Looking at you, MomCat, because the rest of the inmates are not coordinated enough to take down a bird.  Do not bring birds into the house, alive or dead, and most especially do not leave them on my bedroom floor for me to find when I get home from work.  I know you're trying to teach the little monsters adorable baby kittens how to hunt, but seriously, they don't have the attention span for hunting more than my shoes at this point.

Not-so-much-love,
The zookeeper

P.S. If that was the bird that was making obscene amounts of noise outside my window when I was trying to sleep, please know that I appreciate the silencing, but still do not want the aftermath in my room.

Renfield lost kitty-door privileges over a similar event.  Well, she wasn't teaching anyone else to hunt, and she seemed to have done a rather good job on her own, over the entire downstairs....Who know a cardinal had that many feathers?

songbird

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1585 on: April 23, 2014, 08:47:37 AM »
Would you prefer they brought their hunting trophies into the house while still alive?  We used to have a cat named Daisy, and one night she caught a bunny and brought him into the house.  Poor thing hid behind the washing machine for two days before we could coax him out/capture him and set him free.

GreenHall

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1586 on: April 23, 2014, 08:57:33 AM »
Would you prefer they brought their hunting trophies into the house while still alive?  We used to have a cat named Daisy, and one night she caught a bunny and brought him into the house.  Poor thing hid behind the washing machine for two days before we could coax him out/capture him and set him free.
Based on feather distribution, I believe Ren's was able to at least flap somewhat away from her. 
Also just remembered the half dozen or so little moles.  I think she liked the squeaky noises when she batted them.  When they stopped squeaking, she left them where they were (generally under a corner of furniture).  Later I would be trying to figure out why it smelled faintly of death in the living room. 

magicdomino

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1587 on: April 23, 2014, 09:20:23 AM »
Dear Magic,

What was with the meowing in my face at 1:30 in the morning?

Love,

the now very cranky bed warmer

stargazer

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1588 on: April 23, 2014, 01:38:15 PM »
Dear Roxie,

AGAIN with the bounce dryer sheets?  How are you finding these when I keep taking them away from you?  Are you somehow digging through the trash?  These are not toys and you should not be chewing on them.  Please stop giving me dirty looks and cries when I take one away from you.

Love,
The one who gives you treats (NOT bounce!)

Midnight Kitty

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1589 on: April 23, 2014, 03:29:59 PM »
Dear kittycat,

I love that you love me so much. I really do. But when I'm doing yoga, I don't need you to help me. Those poses when I'm lying on the floor are not meant to be done with you draped around my head and purring in my ear. And when I lift my head off the floor, I do not want to find you in the way when I lower it. Just stick to showing off how much more limber you are than I am, and leave the sweaty stuff to me.
My cat, Buddy, and my dog, Honey Girl, help me with my physical therapy stretches and exercises.  It adds a level of difficulty to do the abdominal lifts with a purring 9+ pound cat laying on my chest.  When I do my leg lifts, Honey Girl is under my leg when I lower it.

I don't discourage them.  It's more fun with their "help."
"The first rule is to keep an untroubled spirit.  The second is to look things in the face and know them for what they are."

Marcus Aurelius