Author Topic: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat  (Read 198550 times)

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Photoperson

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1590 on: April 21, 2014, 07:57:00 AM »
Dear kittycat,

I love that you love me so much. I really do. But when I'm doing yoga, I don't need you to help me. Those poses when I'm lying on the floor are not meant to be done with you draped around my head and purring in my ear. And when I lift my head off the floor, I do not want to find you in the way when I lower it. Just stick to showing off how much more limber you are than I am, and leave the sweaty stuff to me.

greencat

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1591 on: April 21, 2014, 08:39:07 AM »
Dear kitties,

Can you guys perhaps not throw my shoes everywhere?  I was a good human and picked them all up off the floor and put them on my shoe racks where they belong and you are ruining it.  Likewise with the laundry - I put it in a basket for a reason, which was not so that you guys could play with it.   Now my room is a mess again and it is not my fault. 

Love,

Your ever-suffering roommate.

AnnaT

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1592 on: April 23, 2014, 01:50:57 AM »
Dear Jasper-cat,

Where the hell are you finding all of these pipe cleaners?!? Seriously cat, I counted; you have 14 of them now! I found the package you chewed through and put it in the cupboard that you cannot open, and yet you are still bringing more downstairs. I admit, it is adorable that you gave each of your siblings one, too, but come on now - enough already!

The frustrated food-provider

Those are mine, I thought I'd lost them, please ask Jasper to return them when he's done with them.
I'll mail them to you; look for a large box with air holes. Don't be alarmed if it meows.

 ;D  We definitely need a like button!  ;D

greencat

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1593 on: April 23, 2014, 02:21:48 AM »
Dear cats,

Looking at you, MomCat, because the rest of the inmates are not coordinated enough to take down a bird.  Do not bring birds into the house, alive or dead, and most especially do not leave them on my bedroom floor for me to find when I get home from work.  I know you're trying to teach the little monsters adorable baby kittens how to hunt, but seriously, they don't have the attention span for hunting more than my shoes at this point.

Not-so-much-love,
The zookeeper

P.S. If that was the bird that was making obscene amounts of noise outside my window when I was trying to sleep, please know that I appreciate the silencing, but still do not want the aftermath in my room.

Liliane

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1594 on: April 23, 2014, 02:41:01 AM »
Dear Sophie,

I'm well aware you're very appreciative that you now get to explore The Great Basement. I would appreciate it, however, if you would stop doing these two things:

1: Playing in the shower stall. It's fiberglass. You thump around like an elephant on methamphetamines. I can hear you two levels up when you do that. This will not fly.

2: Coaxing the dumb-as-a-rock dog downstairs, just to see him skid on the tile. One of these days he's going to tear or break something if you keep doing that.

I'd also like you to stop cold-nosing my hand and going "Mwwk!" just to make me jump when I don't bother turning the bathroom light on, even if it is funny in retrospect.

Mumble grumble kitten razzum frazzum hmph,
The Not-Furry One.
~I'm just standing with you, in the darkness between battles~


GreenHall

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1595 on: April 23, 2014, 09:25:41 AM »
Dear cats,

Looking at you, MomCat, because the rest of the inmates are not coordinated enough to take down a bird.  Do not bring birds into the house, alive or dead, and most especially do not leave them on my bedroom floor for me to find when I get home from work.  I know you're trying to teach the little monsters adorable baby kittens how to hunt, but seriously, they don't have the attention span for hunting more than my shoes at this point.

Not-so-much-love,
The zookeeper

P.S. If that was the bird that was making obscene amounts of noise outside my window when I was trying to sleep, please know that I appreciate the silencing, but still do not want the aftermath in my room.

Renfield lost kitty-door privileges over a similar event.  Well, she wasn't teaching anyone else to hunt, and she seemed to have done a rather good job on her own, over the entire downstairs....Who know a cardinal had that many feathers?

songbird

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1596 on: April 23, 2014, 09:47:37 AM »
Would you prefer they brought their hunting trophies into the house while still alive?  We used to have a cat named Daisy, and one night she caught a bunny and brought him into the house.  Poor thing hid behind the washing machine for two days before we could coax him out/capture him and set him free.

GreenHall

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1597 on: April 23, 2014, 09:57:33 AM »
Would you prefer they brought their hunting trophies into the house while still alive?  We used to have a cat named Daisy, and one night she caught a bunny and brought him into the house.  Poor thing hid behind the washing machine for two days before we could coax him out/capture him and set him free.
Based on feather distribution, I believe Ren's was able to at least flap somewhat away from her. 
Also just remembered the half dozen or so little moles.  I think she liked the squeaky noises when she batted them.  When they stopped squeaking, she left them where they were (generally under a corner of furniture).  Later I would be trying to figure out why it smelled faintly of death in the living room. 

magicdomino

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1598 on: April 23, 2014, 10:20:23 AM »
Dear Magic,

What was with the meowing in my face at 1:30 in the morning?

Love,

the now very cranky bed warmer

stargazer

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1599 on: April 23, 2014, 02:38:15 PM »
Dear Roxie,

AGAIN with the bounce dryer sheets?  How are you finding these when I keep taking them away from you?  Are you somehow digging through the trash?  These are not toys and you should not be chewing on them.  Please stop giving me dirty looks and cries when I take one away from you.

Love,
The one who gives you treats (NOT bounce!)

Midnight Kitty

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1600 on: April 23, 2014, 04:29:59 PM »
Dear kittycat,

I love that you love me so much. I really do. But when I'm doing yoga, I don't need you to help me. Those poses when I'm lying on the floor are not meant to be done with you draped around my head and purring in my ear. And when I lift my head off the floor, I do not want to find you in the way when I lower it. Just stick to showing off how much more limber you are than I am, and leave the sweaty stuff to me.
My cat, Buddy, and my dog, Honey Girl, help me with my physical therapy stretches and exercises.  It adds a level of difficulty to do the abdominal lifts with a purring 9+ pound cat laying on my chest.  When I do my leg lifts, Honey Girl is under my leg when I lower it.

I don't discourage them.  It's more fun with their "help."
"The first rule is to keep an untroubled spirit.  The second is to look things in the face and know them for what they are."

Marcus Aurelius

Midnight Kitty

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1601 on: April 23, 2014, 04:37:14 PM »
Do not bring birds into the house, alive or dead, <snip>
Many, many years ago, I lived in a typical suburban single family house with 3 cats.  As is typical for California, we were having another drought year and the mice and bugs were fleeing the fields and coming inside to find water.  Good hunting for bored kitties.  I don't know which cat brought the squirrel inside (they had a cat door) only to let it go.  The 3 of them apparently tortured that poor squirrel for hours.  The bottom 2-3 feet of the walls had bloody streaks in almost every room.  It looked like someone had filmed one of those ghastly slasher/horror movies (which I cannot watch) in my home.
"The first rule is to keep an untroubled spirit.  The second is to look things in the face and know them for what they are."

Marcus Aurelius

songbird

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1602 on: April 23, 2014, 05:44:27 PM »
Dear Duchess,

Can i please have some privacy in the bathroom?  Your caterwauling outside the door was just a bit too much.


Dear Mr.  Kitty,

I know you really, really, really want those table scraps, but I'm disinclined t share with someone whose claws are embedded in my leg.

And as for you, Redford dear, I know you're tall enough to reach the table top with your front paws while standing on your back paws, but I'd really prefer it if you would keep those front paws off the table.

atirial

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1603 on: April 24, 2014, 08:28:41 AM »
Dear Matilda,

It is very lovely that after all these years you have finally decided to become a lap cat. Unfortunately, you then object trenously to being made a not-lap cat, to the point that through my jeans my legs are bleeding.  This does not encourage me to let you back on my lap next time.

Trying to stand up should not be ane extreme sport.

Regards,
Mum.

P.S. I know we call you ninja but I don't actually know how you got on my lap in the first place this time. It appears to be the stealth sneak-under-armpit manoveur, but we've yet to catch you at it. Its more we just look down and suddenly there's cat!

greencat

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1604 on: April 24, 2014, 06:22:12 PM »
Dear Matilda,

It is very lovely that after all these years you have finally decided to become a lap cat. Unfortunately, you then object trenously to being made a not-lap cat, to the point that through my jeans my legs are bleeding.  This does not encourage me to let you back on my lap next time.

Trying to stand up should not be ane extreme sport.

Regards,
Mum.

P.S. I know we call you ninja but I don't actually know how you got on my lap in the first place this time. It appears to be the stealth sneak-under-armpit manoveur, but we've yet to catch you at it. Its more we just look down and suddenly there's cat!

Dear Matilda,

Your human is getting suspicious!  You're not supposed to show them that you can teleport!

Love,

Princess, Tribble, Batman, Joker, Coffee Bean, Pest, Bravery, Wall-E, and Lynx.