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Author Topic: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat  (Read 795299 times)

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JoW

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1605 on: May 05, 2014, 09:55:11 PM »
Dear Matilda,

It is very lovely that after all these years you have finally decided to become a lap cat. Unfortunately, you then object trenously to being made a not-lap cat, to the point that through my jeans my legs are bleeding.  .....
Dear Matilda
My human slave has discovered how easy it is to trim my toe nails.  She puts her thumb on top of my foot, her first 2 fingers under the bottom, and squeezes gently, forcing me to extend my claws.  Then she uses her nail trimmers to nip the points off the tips of my claws.  I hate it but it makes her accept kneeding more often.
Sassy

Ms_Cellany

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1606 on: May 06, 2014, 10:08:54 AM »
Dear Matilda,

It is very lovely that after all these years you have finally decided to become a lap cat. Unfortunately, you then object trenously to being made a not-lap cat, to the point that through my jeans my legs are bleeding.  .....
Dear Matilda
My human slave has discovered how easy it is to trim my toe nails.  She puts her thumb on top of my foot, her first 2 fingers under the bottom, and squeezes gently, forcing me to extend my claws.  Then she uses her nail trimmers to nip the points off the tips of my claws.  I hate it but it makes her accept kneeding more often.
Sassy

Dear Sassy,

Our hoomins are extra-sneaky. They do this when we're asleep.

The Ravenous Bugblatter Beasts
Bingle bongle dingle dangle yickity-do yickity-dah ping-pong lippy-toppy too tah.

spookycatlady

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1607 on: May 06, 2014, 11:16:37 AM »
Dear Clyde, the Second;

I am not a sandwich.

Love,
Not a Sandwich.

Mal

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1608 on: May 15, 2014, 09:44:52 AM »
Dear cat,

I know you're hiding something from me. I'd like you to explain to me how the hedgehog got in. Our garden, my dear, is confined for a reason, and if there's a hole big enough for a hedgehog, it's big enough for you. Have you been traipsing around the neighborhood while I was sleeping?

Sincerely,
she whom you insist on waking ten minutes before the alarm goes off anyway

Ms_Cellany

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1609 on: May 15, 2014, 12:33:06 PM »
Dear Boojum,

You're peaceful and undemanding at all times except for 2 a.m., when you want something, you want it bad, and you want it now!

What is it? What do you want? What?

What?

What?

Dear FSM, what?
Bingle bongle dingle dangle yickity-do yickity-dah ping-pong lippy-toppy too tah.

Ser Lucien Liliane

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1610 on: May 15, 2014, 03:52:24 PM »
Dear Rika,

You know you are supposed to GET OFF THE BED when you have to hork. You know it makes me terribly unhappy when I'm nearly asleep and have to promptly bolt awake to shove you off the bed because you've begun horking. Why do you not just make it easier on the both of us and put your furry little self on the floor when you feel the urge come on??

Then again, it's been three years and you still haven't figured out that I remove you from the back of my chair because You're Not Supposed To Be Up There. ::)

Sigh,
the Not-Furry One.
"Ah, yes. I forgot you've taken levels in Defeating Paperwork."


Amara

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1611 on: May 15, 2014, 04:18:46 PM »
Amara,

You'll notice there is no "dear" in the opening. There is a reason for this: two gigantic regurgitated piles of eaten but undigested fish-flavored canned food this morning. ON. THE. LIVING. ROOM. RUG. My favorite beautiful mint green rug.

If my five-minute yelling spree as I was trying to clean up without vomiting didn't tell you, let me tell you now. I am angry. Very angry. I will probably be angry when I get home from work. I may even be angry when I go to bed. You may expect forgiveness at some time but it will not be today.

Mom--who wants a divorce from you right now.

atirial

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1612 on: May 15, 2014, 04:39:41 PM »
Dear Amara,

Just look cute and your human will forgive whatever you threw up on. It worked for me and pillows. Even ones with heads on them.

Yours
Matilda.

blue2000

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1613 on: May 15, 2014, 06:53:05 PM »
Dear Boojum,

You're peaceful and undemanding at all times except for 2 a.m., when you want something, you want it bad, and you want it now!

What is it? What do you want? What?

What?

What?

Dear FSM, what?

Dear Mama,

I want attention. No, not playing. Not snacks. Nothing like that. I just want your constant, unwavering attention. Lately you have the audacity to be asleep when you should be paying attention to me. And you wonder why I howl?

Love, Boojum
You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.

AnnaT

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1614 on: May 15, 2014, 09:12:25 PM »
Dear Oscar

You are a cat.  You have no opposable thumbs.  You cannot turn pages.  You cannot read. 

Why then do you insist on pulling books out of the bookshelf at CRUD MONKEYS!-30 in the morning? 

Love
Mum

greencat

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1615 on: May 15, 2014, 09:48:25 PM »
Dear Oscar

You are a cat.  You have no opposable thumbs.  You cannot turn pages.  You cannot read. 

Why then do you insist on pulling books out of the bookshelf at CRUD MONKEYS!-30 in the morning? 

Love
Mum

Because it's hard to sleep on vertical books.

shhh its me

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1616 on: May 15, 2014, 10:01:37 PM »
Dear Oscar

You are a cat.  You have no opposable thumbs.  You cannot turn pages.  You cannot read. 

Why then do you insist on pulling books out of the bookshelf at CRUD MONKEYS!-30 in the morning? 

Love
Mum

Dear mum,

I was discovering gravity.  My theories require extensive testing.

Love
Oscar

snowfire

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1617 on: May 16, 2014, 10:22:33 AM »
Dear Neko,

The Egyptian cat statue I just got is not going to eat you, I promise. 

Love, Mom

(I got a life size gold color Egyptian sitting cat statue at an auction last week.  The other cats just sniffed it and yawned.  Tyra sat next to it in the same pose...too cute!  Neko, my big 16 pound grey tuxie did the whole Halloween cat impression.  Back arched, tail poofed out, slinking up to it.  It took a long time for me to convince him it was not going to eat him.  In 7 years I have never seen him poof like that.)

mmswm

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1618 on: May 16, 2014, 09:10:36 PM »
Dear Stray Kitty,

Taunting the mastiff isn't a wise idea, even if it's hysterical. Also, if you'd let me get nearer to you, I'd be happy to hook you up with a rescue group and try to find you a forever home.

Love,
The mastiff's human.
Some people lift weights.  I lift measures.  It's a far more esoteric workout. - (Quoted from a personal friend)

Snooks

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1619 on: June 07, 2014, 05:10:32 PM »
I just learnt an interesting cat fact - the dark markings on siamese cats develop in the areas of the cat that are coldest.