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Author Topic: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat  (Read 778948 times)

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #165 on: January 31, 2011, 09:56:23 PM »
Dear Harry Pudder,

You can't dope slap Mittens just for being Mittens.  Any other provocation is understandable, believe me.




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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #166 on: February 01, 2011, 02:29:33 AM »
Dear Stephen,

We know you are that rare creature, a polydactyl cat with fingers and thumbs. Opening cupboards is annoying. However when you start working on deadbolts and second floor window latches, your owners begin to get worried. We are aware that the blackbird is taunting you by sitting on the gutter, but a two storey plunge is not good for cats and will be discouraged.

Also, when mummy is using the computer in a dark room, all alone in the house, standing up and putting your hand on her shoulder will result in a loud noise and sudden movement - not necessarily purring and tickles.*

Although sitting by your food dish, scooping food up on your paw and examining it doubtfully is cute. You can keep doing that - just please put the food back in the dish afterwards and don't wipe your foot disdainfully on the carpet.


(* It feels, literally, like a child has put their hand on your shoulder and squeezed.)


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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #167 on: February 01, 2011, 07:49:17 AM »
Dear Jasper,

I don't know how you could have missed this, being such a smart tabby boy, but I can usually hear it when you hop in the bathtub (which you are NOT SUPPOSED TO DO). Even if I couldn't, the fact that you sit in there and warble to yourself  ("Mwhoa! Mroe!") when you are otherwise silent in day-to-day life would be a dead giveaway. Give it up, old man kitty.

the Food Lady
I don't kill threads, but I do seem to stun 'em pretty good. :-)


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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #168 on: February 01, 2011, 08:01:42 AM »
Dear Cat,

You're a cute little kitty and you know it, but that doesn't mean you're allowed to rip the labels off our boxes. I'm sure you won't be a happy cat if we move and no one can figure out which box your toys are in! Besides, isn't your fluffy toy with the little jingly bell so much more fun than paper on a cardboard box?


« Last Edit: May 25, 2011, 01:35:48 PM by Íkorna »

Layla Miller

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #169 on: February 01, 2011, 10:34:20 AM »
Dear Bamf,

I understand that you love to play.  I also realize that me being home from work on a weekday means--to you--extra playing time.  However, I need a break sometimes.  During those breaks, I would consider it a tremendous favor if you played with one of your millions of toys, had some breakfast, took a nap, or did anything except pounce on me from the floor while I'm on the couch, digging your claws into my shoulder and biting the side of my head.  Impressive though the attack may have been, it still hurt and made me, if anything, less inclined than ever to play with you!

Thank you.
I searched for nothing on the Internet and got 175,000,000 hits.


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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #170 on: February 01, 2011, 01:14:05 PM »
Dear Misty:

You are not a little kitten anymore.  You are a 15 pound Weegie.  When you sit on my keyboard, you make the screen do strange things and I cannot lift your blubber to type.  I know you love me dearly, but I can pet you from the ground.

Dear Blackie:

Enough with hiding until I get into bed, then jumping on my shoulder and sticking your cold, purring nose into my ear.  I've seen where that nose goes  :P.



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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #171 on: February 01, 2011, 05:50:41 PM »
Dear B

We don't want to shut you out of the bedroom at night but we're in there to sleep, we haven't died so you don't need to keep jumping on us to make sure we're alive, you certainly don't need to bite us.

Dear J

If B has accidentally let us go to sleep please don't fix his error by sticking your wet nose in our faces, it means we have to get up at 3am to throw you both out of the bedroom because once you've woken us B will make sure he doesn't make the same mistake twice.


Your very tired and grumpy humans.

« Last Edit: June 18, 2011, 03:25:57 PM by Snooks »


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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #172 on: February 02, 2011, 02:04:23 AM »
totally posting for updates since I don't have a cat.
‘All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing’  attributed to Edmund Burke 1729-1797


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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #173 on: February 02, 2011, 02:37:01 AM »
Dear Ethan

you are not scared of the vacuum, in fact, you sit in front of me while I am vacuuming and demand that I run the nozzle over your stomach.

you are not scared of the cars starting up just two metres away from you.

you are not scared of the food processor even if you're on the bench next to it.

why oh why are you so terrified of the air conditioner?

It's almost forty degrees here today; and it's annoying when you hiss at the air conditioner every time it sweeps cool air over you, therefore you are being summarily kicked out of the house until you get off your high horse and stop getting annoyed that we want to cool the house down.

--your parents.
... it might frighten them.


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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #174 on: February 02, 2011, 09:17:43 PM »
Dear Oscar

It's 30 degrees!!!  At 11 o'clock at night!!!  I am perfectly willing to share the space under the ceiling fan but I am completely unwilling to wear you like a blanket while doing so:

a)  you're heavy
b)  you've got that knack of putting all your weight into one small paw
c)  it's 30 degrees!!!!!



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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #175 on: February 03, 2011, 07:55:11 AM »
Dear Orange Tabby,

Stop smacking the puppy when she's walks past you on her way to her toy. You're the one who chose to sit right in her path, so don't be giving her attitude with your paw raised and ready to slap her over the head.
"Because she's a stinky dog" is not a reason, I know for a fact you love the other dog.
Also, if you hate puppy that much you don't need to be sniffing in her food bowl either. Shoo!

Your nightly pillow


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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #176 on: February 03, 2011, 01:06:53 PM »
Dear Chaz,

The afghan on the back of the couch doesn't like you like that.  I don't know what made you suddenly decide that you liked her like that, but quit it.  Also, when you try to make sweet, passionate love to your "girlfriend", and you stare right at me the entire time, I find it deeply unsettling.  Please stop that as well.  And yes, I will continue to pull you off of her because that's just gross, buddy.  Srsly. 

P.S. We're tired of seeing your lipstick too.  Yeah I imagine it does chafe, for Pete's sake, the blanket's made of synthetic yarn, you dork. 

Dear Bandita (sister of Chaz),

You need to leave me alone while I work.  I realize that me taking my eyes and adoration away from your voluptuous form for more than two minutes is simply unbearable and inexcusable, but if I can't work, than you can't become even more corpulent.  Wait... maybe I should stop working in that case.  But at any rate, I need you to cease and desist with the following annoying/obnoxious behavior:

1) Biting my hands really hard when I do go to pet you.  You wonder why you get smacked, that's why.

2) Jumping up and yanking my arm down with both front paws wrapped around my arm in a bid for attention, only to walk away when I do go to pet you.  Perhaps you realize you're going to get swatted for that one, too.

3) Clawing up my back in a bid for attention.  You've ruined 3 shirts already.  Stop.

4) Launching yourself at my face in a last-ditch bid for attention.  This never ends well for you, and I don't understand why you keep doing it.  You know how your brother just comes up to me is all, "Hey, can I get some pettin's?"  and I'm like, "Of course you can, buddy." and then we come out of it feeling mutually validated and loved?  I need you to try for that a little more.  I love you so much, but you're really obnoxious sometimes, and that's why I lock my office door. 

--Love you both to kibble bits,



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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #177 on: February 04, 2011, 11:29:36 AM »
Dear Kiri,

Mommy loves you.  But Mommy is also very tired and has to go to bed as there is this job thing in the morning.  So I will not comb your fur right this minute.  Besides, I gave you a good brushing today. 

Oh, I see that you have risen up on your haunches with your paws pointed downward.  You are giving me the hopeful look with your beautiful blue eyes.

Okay, Okay.  You're right.  Mommy doesn't need to sleep all that much and the job in the morning is not important.

Love, Mommy



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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #178 on: February 05, 2011, 10:11:02 PM »
Dear Simon, best of all possible kitties, all that and a bag of chips, etc.

Just eat the food, ok?  I realize that I messed up and gave you salmon flavor AFTER beef & egg flavor instead of before, and that I should have given you a lamb flavor first, but just eat it.  Other cats have to work in the basements of tuna factories for only a crust of bread a week, smelling all that yummy food yet never getting a bite of it and you... you get sung to, special back rubs and the spiffy view out the window besides the incredible yummy food.  Eat the food, clean the plate, all that dad stuff I need to say.



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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #179 on: February 05, 2011, 10:55:18 PM »
Dear catson

I know that you must sleep on my face and body but I wake up with back pain. And I still love you. ::)
« Last Edit: February 08, 2011, 08:17:05 PM by furrcats »