Author Topic: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat  (Read 175878 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

greencat

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2382
Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1650 on: June 10, 2014, 03:15:02 PM »
Dear Lynx the kitten,

You are confused.  I am NOT THE MAMA.  While I technically have the equipment, it is not going to dispense milk to you.  Continuing to try and bite me there is just going to get you smacked.  You ignored your actual mama letting your brothers nurse in order to come over and investigate my chest area - thank goodness I was dressed that time.  You have the worst case of smart-but-stupid I've ever seen in a cat.

Love,
The human who is not your mother.  Let me repeat:  not your mother.

Celany

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1456
  • the soul of a cat, in the body of a person...
Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1651 on: June 11, 2014, 10:14:22 AM »
Dear Kittenface,

When your big brother, The ShyGuy, barfs on the floor (as he often does), please do not knock the throw pillows off of the sofa to cover the barf with them. This does not do anybody a favor, and it makes your mom really unhappy when she now has to clean up both the floor and the pillow.

If you really want to be helpful, learn to use paper towels and the white vinegar spray to clean it up.

Much love,
Celany
I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior. ~ Hippolyte Taine

greencat

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2382
Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1652 on: June 11, 2014, 10:48:13 AM »
Dear kittens,

I was very displeased this morning to be awakened by Princess yelling at you because you idiots were playing the "I'm not touching you!" game with her.  She doesn't like you.  Leave her alone.

Dear Princess,

Be less of a grumpy cat and just ignore the kittens?  For once in your life?

Love,

Not-a-morning-person

peach2play

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 963
Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1653 on: June 11, 2014, 01:03:33 PM »
Dear Leo,

I know you and your sister were abandoned when you were very little and had to fend for yourselves before adopting us.  But we feed you.  Every day.  So please stop killing birds.  You are making your human daddy very sad as he loves birds and has to clean up whatever mess you leave behind.  If you don't stop, you are getting a bell.

Love,
The one who feeds you and has to listen to your other human be very upset

Dear Daddy,

It's not about food, we like to hunt for sport. 

Love,
Your kitty

stargazer

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5460
Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1654 on: June 11, 2014, 02:45:39 PM »
Dear Leo,

I know you and your sister were abandoned when you were very little and had to fend for yourselves before adopting us.  But we feed you.  Every day.  So please stop killing birds.  You are making your human daddy very sad as he loves birds and has to clean up whatever mess you leave behind.  If you don't stop, you are getting a bell.

Love,
The one who feeds you and has to listen to your other human be very upset

Dear Daddy,

It's not about food, we like to hunt for sport. 

Love,
Your kitty

Sigh.  We know.  We even took down the bird feeder we had up.  We can only figure these are some stupid birds or he is just REALLY good.  It would be nice if he wouldn't leave them in pieces for us.

Tea Drinker

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1329
Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1655 on: June 11, 2014, 03:42:00 PM »
Dear Lynx the kitten,

You are confused.  I am NOT THE MAMA.  While I technically have the equipment, it is not going to dispense milk to you.  Continuing to try and bite me there is just going to get you smacked.  You ignored your actual mama letting your brothers nurse in order to come over and investigate my chest area - thank goodness I was dressed that time.  You have the worst case of smart-but-stupid I've ever seen in a cat.

Love,
The human who is not your mother.  Let me repeat:  not your mother.

Our cat Julian is firmly convinced that my husband is his mother. He doesn't even technically have the equipment except in the sense that he's a mammal and has nipples.

We got this cat when he was an adolescent and as far as we know long-weaned. Ten years later, he still snuggles up to my husband's chest, kneads his belly, and attempts to nurse. We have given up on his learning otherwise.
Any advice that requires the use of a time machine may safely be ignored.

PastryGoddess

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4621
    • My Image Portfolio and Store
Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1656 on: June 11, 2014, 05:15:46 PM »
I have a cat with three legs.  She still insists on using the leg she doesn't have to hide her mess in the litter box.  What's funny is if I catch her, I will say "other leg" and she'll switch to using the leg she still has to scatter the litter.

Nikko-chan

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2627
Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1657 on: June 11, 2014, 07:48:14 PM »
Dear Ciaran,

Sorry you were outside in the rain for a bit, but I thought you took cover inside the garage. Instead I find you taking cover under the porch swing. Thank you for not scratching me when I came out to rescue you. Also, you should have stayed put, your grandmother had a towel ready to dry you off with, scamp.

Love,

Your mama

songbird

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 194
Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1658 on: June 11, 2014, 08:19:52 PM »
Dear Redford,

Chipmunks are our friends, not toys.  The way you play with them, they all wind up dying of fright.  I suspect there is a "wanted" poster with your face on it in the chipmunk post office.


greencat

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2382
Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1659 on: June 12, 2014, 02:11:14 AM »
Dear Bravery kitten,
The order is "present belly for rubs.  Wait for hoomin to fall for it and rub your belly.  Capture the offending hand and chew and bunny kick!"
You are doing it backwards - capturing the hand and then stretching out for belly rubs when the hand is right there is just poor sport.

Love,

The adult cats, who are ashamed of you.

Ed. Note:  I greatly prefer this practice over the usual.  Bravery can have all the belly rubs he will lay still for, or until my hand gets tired.

atirial

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2609
  • just 'plane mad
    • Cat blog
Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1660 on: June 12, 2014, 04:48:47 AM »
Dear Stephen,

What exactly did you do at the vet? When you went back for the checkup the nurses and surgeon were greeting you by name, taking a paw, and saying goodbye to you. We know the surgeon said you were a hit with the nurses, but "He's such a teddy bear" was not a phrase I expected to hear from a medical professional, far less your enthusiastic greeting of them with huge purrs and headbutts, and certainly not you trying to curl up and fall asleep on one's lap during the examination. You're 7.5 kilos!

Did you spend every moment you weren't under anaesthetic flirting?

Regards,
Mummy (who is very, very happy the vets are so fond of you)

imrowr

  • Jr. Member
  • *
  • Posts: 32
Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1661 on: June 12, 2014, 06:06:42 AM »
Dear Roman,

I know that Chiyo was VERY mean to you when you were a wee little kitten, barely 9 lbs, but you are now over a year old and weight almost as much as her with far larger paws.  She'll back down if you stand up to her so please do.  Also?  If you could stop opening random drawers around the house, I would really appreciate it.

Dear Chiyo,

Please stop pooping on the floor just because Mongo used your little box.  It's not cute and you're lucky the floor is hardwood. Also?  Please stop being so mean to Roman. 

Dear Mongo,

You're the best of the bunch but your insistent meowing every day because you're hungry and want someone to watch you eat, go to bed with you, and let you in and out and in and out and in and out the deck doors is really annoying.  Please give us a break every once in awhile.

Love,
Momma

atirial

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2609
  • just 'plane mad
    • Cat blog
Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1662 on: June 12, 2014, 07:48:25 AM »
Dear Mongo,

You're the best of the bunch but your insistent meowing every day because you're hungry and want someone to watch you eat, go to bed with you, and let you in and out and in and out and in and out the deck doors is really annoying.  Please give us a break every once in awhile.

Love,
Momma

Dear Momma,
You can't do anything better to do with your time than spend it watching me!
Regards,
 Mongo

imrowr

  • Jr. Member
  • *
  • Posts: 32
Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1663 on: June 12, 2014, 11:32:53 AM »
Dear Mongo,

You're the best of the bunch but your insistent meowing every day because you're hungry and want someone to watch you eat, go to bed with you, and let you in and out and in and out and in and out the deck doors is really annoying.  Please give us a break every once in awhile.

Love,
Momma

Dear Momma,
You can't do anything better to do with your time than spend it watching me!
Regards,
 Mongo

Hahahahahaha!  I'm sure this is exactly what he's thinking!  Sometimes he'll even sit right in front of my DH's computer screen so he can't see it.   When he does it, we always think of this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UJPJUaZZOss&feature=kp

perpetua

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1903
Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1664 on: June 12, 2014, 01:48:42 PM »
Dear Stephen,

What exactly did you do at the vet? When you went back for the checkup the nurses and surgeon were greeting you by name, taking a paw, and saying goodbye to you. We know the surgeon said you were a hit with the nurses, but "He's such a teddy bear" was not a phrase I expected to hear from a medical professional, far less your enthusiastic greeting of them with huge purrs and headbutts, and certainly not you trying to curl up and fall asleep on one's lap during the examination. You're 7.5 kilos!

Did you spend every moment you weren't under anaesthetic flirting?

Regards,
Mummy (who is very, very happy the vets are so fond of you)

Cat 2 - he of the overnight awakenings in the other thread - once had to stay overnight at the vets and he flirted *so* hard that he managed to con the overnight nurse into letting him sleep upstairs on her bed. She raved about him when I picked him up the next day.