Author Topic: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat  (Read 190206 times)

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PastryGoddess

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1755 on: August 04, 2014, 06:26:36 PM »
The following complaint has been noted and filed in the proper location  ::)

Thank you,

The Staff


"Deer hoomins of the interwebs,     
It is I Gretchen.  I haz come to yoo on behaf of my frendz Zoe and Grace.  We is not geeting the attenshun that wee needs and would lik to air our objec- afllic- complaints against da mama.  We haz the following complaints:
Itís hot
Iím tired
I wanna go out
Itís too hot outside
I wanna go out
What is that noiz?
DOGS!
CRUD MONKEYS! WE IS DED!
I wanna go out
I wanna come back in
Ooh a fly
I wanna come back in
I iz hangry
Why wonít you feed me
EWWW FISH AGAIN
WE IS STARVING TO DED!
Zoe is eating before me
Gretchen pushed me out of the way
Iz this all da food?
I iz thirsty
Move Grace
I want you to pet me
Stop petting me
I want you to pet me
Mom Stop!
I want to lay on the bed
No, I want to lay on the bed
How come there is no room for me
MOM, SHE TOUCHED MY TAIL!
Why are you going upstairs?
Can I haz peepl food?
I wanna go outside
Why are you moving again?
Fine Iím going to go and sleep in da cat bed
Are you noticing me?
PAY ATTENSHUN TO MEEEEEE!

We haz tried for furever to get da mama to pay attenshun to us. Pleez help, we is dieing of attenshun starvashun.
Gretchen, Grace, and Zoe"
 

blue2000

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1756 on: August 04, 2014, 07:19:56 PM »
I just about snorted at "She touched my tail!" My two play that game as well. :P
You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.

greencat

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1757 on: August 04, 2014, 11:18:08 PM »
Dear Xena,

I think your offspring are well and truly weaned now.  Lynx doesn't even try to nurse on me anymore.  Please and kindly stop being mean to them when they try to be friendly.  I am tired of the hissy-slappy noises.  Just be glad I got you spayed so we don't have to go through that again.

Love,

The human you foisted all your offspring off on.

atirial

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1758 on: August 05, 2014, 05:26:46 AM »
Dear Stephen,

Mommy has to go out. Why is it only when I have to go out that you decide you are a lapcat?

Likewise, please tell your sister to stop stealing and sleeping on my front door keys. I know you love me, but I do have to go to work to feed your greedy gullets. It's a hard choice, but you have to make it: tickles or food.

Regards,
Mommy

P.S. Stephen, both is not an answer. Matilda, you can't live on air and tickles alone.

songbird

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1759 on: August 07, 2014, 06:36:40 PM »
Dear Redford and Mr. Kitty,

The wrestling matches in the foyer have got to stop.

PastryGoddess

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1760 on: August 07, 2014, 06:47:14 PM »
Dear Redford and Mr. Kitty,

The wrestling matches in the foyer have got to stop.

Thunder THUNDER THUNDER CATS!

songbird

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1761 on: August 07, 2014, 09:36:53 PM »
Dear Redford and Mr. Kitty,

The wrestling matches in the foyer have got to stop.

Thunder THUNDER THUNDER CATS!

 ;D

gingerzing

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1762 on: August 08, 2014, 01:13:10 PM »
Dear Cats  (though I think it is probably more to Darcy the Petite)

You are no longer allowed in the back bedroom.  At least not unsupervised.  The yak attack that covered not just one section of the bed but two large sections of a full size bed is destressing.  Besides that you got sick, but how is your little stomach able to hold THAT much? 
Oh and when you do yak, please stop telling the Sadie-dog. Because really that is just yucky as well. 

Love
The Momma

*Note, our Darcy cat has always had a bit of an issue.  Not really acid reflux but sort of.  She is healthy, just barfy sometimes.

Craftyone

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1763 on: August 08, 2014, 07:27:06 PM »
Dear Coco
Thank you for listening to mum and not doing the psycho kitty run at 12:11am again this morning.  You understood my threat of turning you into a handbag, even though you know this is an idle threat and in reality you've got mum & dad wrapped around your little paws  ;D.

Saving it until 4:40am this morning is appreciated but why didn't you do that on the nights that mum and dad have to get up for work (I get up at 6am so, for me, being woken at 5am isn't as bad as being woken half way through the night and having an interrupted night's sleep).



atirial

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1764 on: August 28, 2014, 03:53:47 AM »
Dear Matilda.

I would like to remind you that you are a cat. While I know cats will sample anything unguarded, this tea-thieving has now reached the point where you stuck your head in your Dad's tea cup while he was holding it (and gave him a shock when he tried to drink it). You've even developed discerning tastes. While the expression when tea is not to your taste is amusing I'm not supposed to know my cat takes tea, far less that she takes it milk, two sugars.

But tea and scones? Really? Most cats steal the cream and leave the licked scone behind. Stealing and eating the scone and leaving the cream in a sad, white, pat on the carpet? It did take me a moment to work out what it was, and a lot longer to clean it up.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but please eat your 'kills'.

Regards,
She-who-makes-tea

gingerzing

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1765 on: August 28, 2014, 08:57:23 AM »
Dear Darcy-cat,
For a very picky eater, you are very weird. 
I come to expect that the dog will eat basically anything except green beans and most green vegetables. 
That your feline sister is practically a dog and will eat most meats and even popcorn and bread.
But since you turn up your nose at most red meats and even occasional chicken.  (Loves most fish) You can understand why I was a bit weirded out when I dropped a spinach leaf and you ate it. 


Love
The momma/feeder person


Dear Rosie-cat,
I am glad that DH and you have mended your rift from earlier this week.   
Here's a nifty idea to keep in mind when jumping around. 
When jumping around the chairs like a crazy cat, watch to make sure that it is the arm rest of the chair and not a human's arm resting. 
You have all your claws and DH was not happy with the huge scratch you left on him.  And I wasn't happen having to run around and get all Florence Nightingale to keep the from getting infected. 

Love
The momma who saved your skin this time.

Nikko-chan

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1766 on: August 28, 2014, 10:56:26 AM »
Dear Ciaran-cat,

I wish you to take note: You are not sneaky. In the least. Your attempts to be sneaky however do make me laugh.

Sincerely,

Mama

missanpan

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1767 on: August 28, 2014, 11:01:23 AM »
Dear Kimmie-kat -

I get that you had to dash about because a certain something was stuck to your nether regions after you used the litterbox. Problem is . . . where did you leave it?!?!

From your much suffering hoomin -

me

Liliane

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1768 on: August 28, 2014, 04:34:47 PM »
Dear Lily,

What on this green earth did you manage to get into yesterday? Yes, I have to admit that projectile hork was pretty impressive, and I admit to being shocked that so much hork could come out of a little cat, but honestly - what the eHell? :-\ Most unpleasant thing I've ever cleaned up relating to you, cat, and that's saying a lot.

Ugh,
the Not-Furry One.
~I'm just standing with you, in the darkness between battles~


AnnaT

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1769 on: September 01, 2014, 03:02:29 AM »
snip
You've even developed discerning tastes. While the expression when tea is not to your taste is amusing I'm not supposed to know my cat takes tea, far less that she takes it milk, two sugars.
snip


Aaaannddd ... now all my coworkers are looking at me like I've finally dived off the deep end :D

We seriously need a like button on this forum!