S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat

[furrcats]

Dear catson

I know that you must sleep on my face and body but I wake up with back pain. And I still love you.

[Acadianna]

Dear Sherlock,

I am fully capable of taking care of myself without a bodyguard when I sit on the porch, honest!  I know you can't guard me if you can't see me, but it isn't necessary to howl at me through the door.

Love, Mama

P.S. Your paws are really pointy.  I don't mind you lying on me, but could you do it without circling three times first?

[Íkorna]

Dear Isabel,

Yes, I know that you are used to vertical scratching posts. But this horizontal post really is for scratching, even if you seem to have decided that it's a bed. It's not even comfy, it's all scratchy and rough! I'll never understand you, you silly cat you.

Your underling,
Íkorna

[Germane Jackson]

Dear Twinkie,

I love your new kissing trick and you're usually very happy to give me a kiss when I say 'Twinkie, can I have a kiss?' and you plant one on my lips. When we play the kissing game during sociable hours you will always get the appropriate response from me and kisses are always welcome. However, I would just like to mention that it's NOT appropriate to play the kissing game while I'm in bed just because you either want me to fill your bowl or are just bored. You know, there's other cats in the house to play with so it would be much appreciated if you would just interact with them for a few hours while I get my beauty rest. I suppose I'd also like to mention that I know I gave you lots of praise as a young kitten by telling you what a smart kitty and a good boy you were for using the little box all by yourself, and you would meow every time to let me know you did your business like a good boy, but you're 18 months old now. I of course still think you're a good boy and a smart kitty but I think you're a big boy now and that's what big kitties are supposed to do.

Love, (and kisses, of course!)
KB

[amandaelizabeth]

Dear Babbage

When I got into that little room and shut the door, it does not mean you have been abandoned and will therefore starve to death.  So please stop flinging yourself against the door and wailing like a banshee.  You know why you are not allowed in there - we just cannot afford to keep replacing the roll because you have turned into a one cat confetti machine. Weeping and wailing outside the door does not make me pee any faster so stop it.

Your less than adoring food provider

[JadeAngel]

Dear Gizmo,

Yes I did find your catnip mousie at the bottom of a box I was unpacking last week. Yes, it's been a while since you've seen catnip mousie and it's very exciting to have him back.

However, while I'm sure that it's very necessary for you to play with catnip mousie whenever the spirit moves you, including 3am in the morning, the venue for this play does not necessarily HAVE to be directly underneath the bed where I am trying to sleep. There are many lovely comfortable areas of the house where you and catnip mousie can go and bond and it won't bother anyone that for such a small cat you certainly do sound like a buffalo on rollerskates when you get some speed up.

And whatever it is you're doing in the bathtub at 4am that sounds like a re-enactment of the battle of Britain with extra small arms fire... KNOCK IT OFF!

Don't make me come in there...


Jade

[DCZinger]

Dear Lorelei,

It was so cute when you were a wee kitten and like to sit on my chest and make biscuits on my chin.   However, nowadays its not so cute.   You see, dear Lorelei, you no longer weigh 2 pounds.  I can't breathe when you sit on my chest.   Also, your claws are pointy. 

Love,
Meowmy

[JadeGirl]

Dear Bast

Mummy loves you lots but she will give you more loves and strokes if you let her cut your nails.  Mummy's skin is quite fragile and your claws are tearing holes in it when you knead her in ecstasy.  If you persist in doing a psycho-hosebeast kitty act when you see the nail clippers come out, Mummy will have to take you to the V.E.T. to have your pedicure, and we all know that you don't like the V.E.T. because there are D.O.G.s there.

Love Mummy


Dear Stitch

Mummy is sorry she had to take your "girlfriends" away, but it's a bit disturbing for the humans to see you loving all over Mummy's sweaty football socks in public.  Plus Mummy has football training twice a week plus matches, so she needs to wash her gear regularly.  You have lots of toys plus your sister and the kitty tv (a.k.a. windows), so please leave my kit bag and the laundry basket alone.

Love Mummy

[StarDrifter]

Archibald Q Wrigglebottom;

I know that you are the most stunningly gorgeous Tabby beast to ever stalk the planet, however, you are now almost 8kgs (17 and a half pounds) and if you try and sleep on my stomach I will struggle to breathe and therefore will heave you off of me.

Please also refrain from sleeping on top of your little brother (Ethan is only about 10lbs) as he will scratch you and you will get no sympathy from me.

And while you're at it- stop climbing the screen door. If you knock your collar against the door I will hear you and come to let you out, but if I'm in the shower it will take a little longer for me to acquiesce to your requests, and you're tearing holes in the flyscreen.

I think we need to buy a cat-flap.

--Anna

[Fliss]

Dear Matey

You are a wonderful boofy Aussie Cattle Dog, and we appreciate your ability to guard us. We are especially impressed that at 12 years of age, you took us getting 5 chickens without trying to kill them. You have behaved very well for the past week, and aside from a slight whimpering and jumping around at the beginning we are very pleased with you.

However - the chickens are here to stay. You don't need to run up and down the coop fence every few minutes to make sure they're still here. The German Shepherd doesn't care; for once, do what she does, please.

Mum.

[artisticgal]

Dear Louis,

Please stop hitting the snooze button on my alarm clock. I ran an hour late this morning.  Yeah I know you get more snuggle time when I accidently sleep in. But stop, it only serves to make me mad at you in the morning. Oh, and the mastiff is not a cat shuttle so please stop riding her around.

[guihong]

Dear Louis,

Please stop hitting the snooze button on my alarm clock. I ran an hour late this morning.  Yeah I know you get more snuggle time when I accidently sleep in. But stop, it only serves to make me mad at you in the morning. Oh, and the mastiff is not a cat shuttle so please stop riding her around.

[/b]

If there's ever a moment just crying for a camera, that has to be it  .

[camlan]

Dear Matey

You are a wonderful boofy Aussie Cattle Dog, and we appreciate your ability to guard us. We are especially impressed that at 12 years of age, you took us getting 5 chickens without trying to kill them. You have behaved very well for the past week, and aside from a slight whimpering and jumping around at the beginning we are very pleased with you.

However - the chickens are here to stay. You don't need to run up and down the coop fence every few minutes to make sure they're still here. The German Shepherd doesn't care; for once, do what she does, please.

Mum.

Are you sure he's not just trying to herd the chickens? The only Aussie Cattle Dog I know belongs to good friends of mine. They have a lovely huge family room just made for big parties, with a bar in one corner. Every single party they have, we all end up bunched in one corner. It's the dog. He herds everyone into a safe place, and then makes sure we stay there. It's the corner that's farthest from the bar--we're not sure if that's on purpose or not.

[JadeAngel]

Dear Matey

You are a wonderful boofy Aussie Cattle Dog, and we appreciate your ability to guard us. We are especially impressed that at 12 years of age, you took us getting 5 chickens without trying to kill them. You have behaved very well for the past week, and aside from a slight whimpering and jumping around at the beginning we are very pleased with you.

However - the chickens are here to stay. You don't need to run up and down the coop fence every few minutes to make sure they're still here. The German Shepherd doesn't care; for once, do what she does, please.

Mum.

Are you sure he's not just trying to herd the chickens? The only Aussie Cattle Dog I know belongs to good friends of mine. They have a lovely huge family room just made for big parties, with a bar in one corner. Every single party they have, we all end up bunched in one corner. It's the dog. He herds everyone into a safe place, and then makes sure we stay there. It's the corner that's farthest from the bar--we're not sure if that's on purpose or not.

He's just trying to make sure no-one drinks and drives.

My uncle had one as well, and we used to regularly come out to find that 'Wombat' had collected up the two horses, three goats, a sheep and a couple of ducks and herded them into the corner of the paddock and was sitting there guarding them with his tongue hanging out and a general air of 'I'm good aren't I?'

 

[heartmug]

Dear Louis,

Please stop hitting the snooze button on my alarm clock. I ran an hour late this morning.  Yeah I know you get more snuggle time when I accidently sleep in. But stop, it only serves to make me mad at you in the morning. Oh, and the mastiff is not a cat shuttle so please stop riding her around.

[/b]

If there's ever a moment just crying for a camera, that has to be it  .

Oh yeah!