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Author Topic: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat  (Read 793275 times)

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Fliss

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #225 on: May 22, 2011, 07:14:19 AM »

Dear Matey:

You sweet, wonderful, lovely dog! It's only been a few months and you've coped with the bucklets very well.

Especially today, when the chickens escaped into the yard and wandered around, and you didn't even so much as blink at them. We are so pleased and proud of you.
Good news! Your insurance company says they'll cover you. Unfortunately, they also say it will be with dirt.

Really?

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #226 on: May 22, 2011, 11:54:26 AM »
Dear Dog 1,

Lay down does not mean drape yourself all over me and the computer.

Dear Dog 2,

Lay down DOES not mean, sit on your brother, who has decided to try and drape himself across the computer on my lap.

Love Mom.

Kariachi

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #227 on: May 22, 2011, 01:53:27 PM »
Dear Siara,

Yes, you are the great, black hunter. Yes, it is constantly wet outside this time of year. Still, please do not bring the prey inside to hunt anymore.

Thank you,
Achi

PS: Leave the baby rabbits alone this year. I know they are cuddly, but I can't take the screaming anymore.

~

Dear Fry-Cat,

Please stop whining all the time, it will not get you anywhere with this household. It just ticks people off.

If you would,
Aunt Achi
"Heh. Forgive our manners, little creature — that we may well kill and eat you is no excuse for rudeness."

siamesecat2965

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #228 on: May 22, 2011, 06:05:34 PM »
Dear Siara,

Yes, you are the great, black hunter. Yes, it is constantly wet outside this time of year. Still, please do not bring the prey inside to hunt anymore.

Thank you,
Achi

PS: Leave the baby rabbits alone this year. I know they are cuddly, but I can't take the screaming anymore.


My former kitty used to do the baby rabbit thing too - this is a funny one; and the rabbit was ok.  One time I saw him in the backyard, and heard this horrible screaming.  Boris had a poor baby bunny in his mouth, and it was making a LOT of noise.  Dumb kitty opened his mouth, bunny fell out and ran away, and dumb kitty proceeded to wander around the yard for a good half hour looking for it!  I kept telling him it was long gone, but he clearly dide't believe me.

siamesecat2965

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #229 on: May 22, 2011, 06:54:34 PM »
Dear Siara,

Yes, you are the great, black hunter. Yes, it is constantly wet outside this time of year. Still, please do not bring the prey inside to hunt anymore.

Thank you,
Achi

PS: Leave the baby rabbits alone this year. I know they are cuddly, but I can't take the screaming anymore.

~

Dear Fry-Cat,

Please stop whining all the time, it will not get you anywhere with this household. It just ticks people off.

If you would,
Aunt Achi

Kariachi

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #230 on: May 22, 2011, 09:44:49 PM »
My former kitty used to do the baby rabbit thing too - this is a funny one; and the rabbit was ok.  One time I saw him in the backyard, and heard this horrible screaming.  Boris had a poor baby bunny in his mouth, and it was making a LOT of noise.  Dumb kitty opened his mouth, bunny fell out and ran away, and dumb kitty proceeded to wander around the yard for a good half hour looking for it!  I kept telling him it was long gone, but he clearly dide't believe me.

I wish Siara would be so nice. She brings them inside, then just watches them until they stop moving. When she leaves, they start screaming for their little mommas'. So we end up with a screaming bunny in our house and no way to find it.

She also brought in a bird about her size when she was younger. Great, black hunter she is.
"Heh. Forgive our manners, little creature — that we may well kill and eat you is no excuse for rudeness."

Íkorna

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #231 on: May 25, 2011, 01:40:59 PM »
Dear Cat,

I'm used to loud thuds and clunking noises. But the CRASH and shattering of glass sound? Yeah, I was scared to see what exactly you'd gotten yourself into. You've topped yourself this time, kitty. I have no idea how you managed to push a heavy jar of sugar larger than my head into the drainboard. At least the glass jar is all right and it was only the cup in the drainboard that met its destruction. Oh, and thanks for hopping into the sink while I tried to clean out the mounds and mounds of sugar (think enough to fill several large glasses)-- I should have realized it was playtime!

Though I suppose this isn't quite as bad as the time you crawled out the window onto the second floor roof, you dopey indoor cat you. And come to think of it, you did look awfully cute with that 'What just happened?' look when I came into the kitchen...

Hopefully my fingers will stop being sticky and tasting of sugar sometime soon.

Your humble servant,
Íkorna

Ms_Cellany

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #232 on: May 25, 2011, 02:03:39 PM »
Dear Kittens,

Last night, when the tornado sirens were going off and we were preparing to move down to the basement, we captured all five of you and put you into a cardboard cat carrier.

I fully expected a few hours of outraged meeping. Instead, you all decided this was a nice snug warm place to cuddle with your sibs, and went to sleep.

Thank you.

Signed,
The Big Pink Thing
Bingle bongle dingle dangle yickity-do yickity-dah ping-pong lippy-toppy too tah.

stkatie00

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #233 on: May 25, 2011, 03:44:50 PM »
Darling Hero,
Yes, I know that (even after living with us for nearly 2 years, and at a foster home for a few months before that) you don't believe that you will always be fed because of your time on the streets.  But trust me, you will.  No, we really don't need you knocking everything you can off of all raised horizontal surfaces in the hour or so before you get your dinner.  Nor do you need to start crying at the door to the bedroom at 4 am-it's not going to get you fed any faster.  Oh, and knocking the lamp off the bedside table means you're not getting bedroom privileges back any time soon.

Also, I know that with Daddy gone, you're left home alone more often, and for longer periods of time, but Mommy needs her social life to stay sane-you help, but human company is just a little bit better.  However, this does not mean that you get to start acting up and doing all those things you know you're not supposed to do.  Like scratching the chair/couch.  Or jumping up on the table.  Or jumping up on the kitchen counter, then up behind the microwave that's on top of the fridge, especially, since I can't easily shoo you off of that one!

Finally, yes, I know you want to be a big, bad hunter, but trying to claw through the window screen to get at the birds will only result in badness.  You won't get the birds, and if you succeed in getting rid of the screen, well, it's a loooong 4 stories down to the ground!!!  So, please, just watch the birds to your heart's content, and don't try to catch them!

Much love,
Mommy

P.S. I don't mean to laugh at your meow, but it really is the most pathetic meow I've ever heard, and makes me think we are starving you, but we're not.  I promise.

Schmoopie3928

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #234 on: May 25, 2011, 04:00:49 PM »
Dear Sam,

You know mommy loves you there is no need to be jealous. I know it's been just you and me for many years but mommy has a forever friend. He is my husband, not yours and should be treated respectfully. Frankly, my darling sweet furball, your behavior lately has been quite inappropriate. Laying nose to nose with him and putting your paw on his face while he is sleeping is not acceptable behavior for a young lady. He is a married man and you should know better.

Love, mommy

Actually I dare say it's the cutest darn thing I have ever seen. :D

JadeAngel

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #235 on: May 25, 2011, 07:44:31 PM »
To the Master of Disaster,

Okay, lets go through this One. More. Time. I can hear you clawing the rug, it doesn't matter if you are at the end near the door, just because I can't see you doesn't mean I can't hear your sharp little kitty claws ripping into the fabric.

When I say 'I can hear you!' this constitutes your first warning. If I make it up off the couch you better not be there when I get to the door, or you're getting an all expenses paid visit to the Bathroom Hilton.

Clear?

Good.

Knock it off!

AnnaT

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #236 on: May 25, 2011, 08:54:04 PM »
Oscar

Deal with the new rug.  It's a patter!  No matter how many times you bat at it and scratch at it, that little blue flower is going to stay right where it is.  And you gotta admit, lying on the rug in front of the heater is a whole lot nicer than lying on floorboards!

Love
Mum

Delia DeLyons

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #237 on: May 25, 2011, 09:13:52 PM »
Dear Lucy - I know your staaaaaaaarving.... I have heard you say so since 5am.  So then, why must you place yourself between your plate and me while I am trying to get your breakfast served?  Wouldnt it be so much nicer on your plate rather than on your head?  Just saying...
Once in a while you get your delight, in the strangest of faces if you look at it right...

MissKoreanna

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #238 on: May 25, 2011, 09:59:54 PM »
Dear Parmie (Parmersan when in trouble!)

I know I upset you when we moved into our new apartment.  I understand you're a little lonely and miss Theo (well, terrorizing him, anyways).  However, this does not allow you to repeatedly eat the flower decals I have put on the walls in my bedroom when you think I am not looking.  Those were expensive and Mommy is a little upset you have no qualms over eating them.

Also, opening and closing cabinet doors in my vanity area at 5 am does have the magic formula of waking me up, but then I am a grumpster for the rest of the day.  Once I'm up, running to the faucet reminds me how spoiled you are when I turn on fresh, running water for you to drink rather than the perfectly good bowl of water two feet away.

Lastly, I am sorry you are so upset when I clip your little nails.  But those suckers get super long and they HURT when you lovingly climb up my (bare) legs to my shoulders to give me love.  I give you a million little salmon treats after so PLEASE don't make me look like I cut myself.  People at work are starting to get suspicious.

Love,
Your Mommy

....did you learn how to open the window blinds?  or do we have a little poltergeist that lives with us?

Piratelvr1121

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #239 on: May 25, 2011, 10:13:15 PM »
Dear Luigi-cat

Sitting close to son while he lies on the the floor and then passing wind was probably not intentional but he did change colour.

Dear Son

Cats do not understand revenge. Having your brother hold down luigi-cat so you can fart on him is not acceptable.

By the way, I was snorting with anger not laughing when I came across the above.

Bigozzy

Can't. Stop. Laughing!! Between this and the dutch oven dog mentioned in another thread, I have gotten my belly laughs in for the day!

Dearest Bailey:
Please stop trying to trip mama up when she's walking through the kitchen in the am's. I know your bowl needs to be refilled, and I will get to it, but tripping me will not be good for either of us right now.  Trust me on this one.

And you're welcome for not declawing you, but could you kindly repay us by not digging in your claws?  I love that you have recently become a lap kitty, but I don't like having claws dig into my leg.

Love, Mama

Dear Mudslide and Brandy, the little chickens. 

Why do you two love up on us, then when we bend down to pet you, you scatter to the winds? Actually Muddy you've gotten better but Brandy, darlin', we're not going to hurt you, so don't run please?
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata