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  • February 18, 2018, 12:43:56 PM

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Author Topic: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat  (Read 732857 times)

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atirial

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #3345 on: January 18, 2018, 09:10:41 AM »
Dear Robert,

I miss you very much, and you left us far too soon. But among all the phone calls, and arranging vet checks, and sterilising the house, there was one utterly bizarre moment that did your funny, furry, little self justice. In the interests of dark toned humour I believe I should share the following conversation held with an online vet. I did wonder if I had strayed into a Monty Python sketch:

xxxx:  Welcome! What's going on with your pet or animal?
You:      We recently lost a kitten to FIP. What are the risks to our remaining adult cats? (We're sterilising the house as best we can)
xxxx:  I'll do all I can to help. What seems to be the problem with the kitten?
You:       Our kitten died yesterday of FIP. What are the risks of our remaining adult cats developing it?
xxxx:  Where does the kitten seem to hurt?
You:      Our kitten died yesterday of FIP.
xxxx:  Can you see anything that looks wrong or different?
You:      I repeat: our kitten died yesterday. We are concerned about the adult cats.
xxxx:  Is the kitten eating normally?
You:      What, since he died?
xxxx:  Is the kitten having trouble peeing or pooing?
You:      Deceased cats often do...
xxxx:  How is the kitten behaving differently?
You:      After his cremation? He's not doing much.
xxxx:  Is there anything else important you think the Veterinarian should know about the kitten?
You:      He died. We're concerned about the risk to our adult cats....
xxxx:  OK. Got it. I'm sending you to a secure page so you can place the fully-refundable deposit now. You:      Not a hope!

We're seeing our actual vets this afternoon, so I'll be asking the relevant questions then.

Thanks for one last chuckle, kitten. Rest in peace.

Love,
Mum.
P.S. Yes, I did screenshot this. I hope it was a bot, because otherwise someone was really determined to stick to their script!

ladyknight1

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #3346 on: January 18, 2018, 09:45:14 AM »
Atirial, you have loads of hugs from me.

Dear Mama Cat,

Congratulations on your last pregnancy! I'm glad you have decided we are okay, and will come in the house unbidden now. I will be preparing the vanity bath for you and your precious babies, and as soon as they are weaned, you will be getting your spa(y) day and no more kittens will happen from you.

Sincerely,

Human mom
ďAll that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost."
-J.R.R Tolkien

Ser Lucien Liliane

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #3347 on: January 18, 2018, 03:46:46 PM »
Hugs, atirial. I'm certain he was happy that the last of his life, no matter how short, was spent with you.

Dear Altair,

I appreciate that you like to cuddle, but can you please not bite my nose to wake me up so I can actually pet you?

Sigh,
the Not-Furry One.
"Ah, yes. I forgot you've taken levels in Defeating Paperwork."


atirial

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #3348 on: January 19, 2018, 05:32:27 AM »
Dear Sophie,

3 vets
5 nurses
1 hour
4 shaved patches

and no blood sample. For future reference, when the vets said they were taking you to the back to draw blood, they meant they were going to draw yours. Instead they came out with plasters, claws ands bite marks (you savage!) and you came out looking smug with shaved bits on your front legs, neck, and hind quarters. You look like a poodle!

Regards,
Mum.

P.S. And yet this morning, fifteen minutes in the back and one nurse got the blood sample. Did you just decide you'd lost enough fur, or Matilda have words last night?

songbird

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #3349 on: January 19, 2018, 06:49:45 AM »
So sorry about Robert, but Sophie .....too funny.

Outdoor Girl

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #3350 on: January 19, 2018, 07:50:56 AM »
My Peggy?  No problem for a blood draw.  My Sassy?  The vet said the only way she'd take a sample is if she was sedated and even then, she's not sure she'd attempt it.  We're both of the opinion that if Sass gets sick, we'll take the best guess as to what the problem is, give her the best food possible for that problem and hope.  My only saving grace with that cat is that she was declawed by her previous owners.  She sure knows how to use her teeth, though.
After cleaning out my Dad's house, I have this advice:  If you haven't used it in a year, throw it out!!!!.
Ontario

Ser Lucien Liliane

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #3351 on: January 19, 2018, 01:50:11 PM »
I dread if Altair ever has to have blood drawn. Or go to the vet at all really. Former feral, in possession of all claws and teeth, does not care much at all for anyone but me...
"Ah, yes. I forgot you've taken levels in Defeating Paperwork."


Tierrainney

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #3352 on: January 21, 2018, 08:58:03 PM »
Dear Jake,

You are not a Hobbit.  You do not need breakfast, second breakfast, elevenses, early tea, late tea...and dinner. you get fed just like all the other cats twice a day.  Deal with it.

Me 
Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.

atirial

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #3353 on: January 25, 2018, 01:16:18 PM »
Dear Robert,

We brought you home. The urn is wonderful, and looks like you. Still love you, little one.

Regards,
Mum

Dear Sophie and Matilda,

Thank everything and anything. We got your results back. Matilda's were virtually undetectable. Sophie scared the vet: it isn't supposed to be possible to have zero after living in close quarters with an FIP-infected cat. Absolutely no virus or antibodies.

After all the fuss you made over the blood draw, you now have the vets scratching their heads with bandaged fingers.

We need to check in seven weeks, and do a lot of hoovering, but fingers crossed...and you're both getting plenty of prawns and tuna. Medical purposes only. Honest.

Regards,
Mum

P.S. With all the nightmares I keep having about Matilda getting Wet-FIP, this is rather reassuring. The other thing this means is that it wasn't our fault. Robert had to have had it before he came here, as two vets have now said that neither of them had high enough results to have had or transmitted the virus while he was with us.

Twik

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #3354 on: January 26, 2018, 01:36:59 PM »
Dear Robert,

We brought you home. The urn is wonderful, and looks like you. Still love you, little one.

Regards,
Mum

Dear Sophie and Matilda,

Thank everything and anything. We got your results back. Matilda's were virtually undetectable. Sophie scared the vet: it isn't supposed to be possible to have zero after living in close quarters with an FIP-infected cat. Absolutely no virus or antibodies.

After all the fuss you made over the blood draw, you now have the vets scratching their heads with bandaged fingers.

We need to check in seven weeks, and do a lot of hoovering, but fingers crossed...and you're both getting plenty of prawns and tuna. Medical purposes only. Honest.

Regards,
Mum

P.S. With all the nightmares I keep having about Matilda getting Wet-FIP, this is rather reassuring. The other thing this means is that it wasn't our fault. Robert had to have had it before he came here, as two vets have now said that neither of them had high enough results to have had or transmitted the virus while he was with us.

So glad to hear this news. I hope they like the prawns!
"The sky's the limit. Your sky. Your limit. Now, let's dance!"

atirial

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #3355 on: January 28, 2018, 03:33:49 AM »
So glad to hear this news. I hope they like the prawns!
Thanks, and believe me, Sophie is loving the prawns. So much so that she's hiding them for later, under the carpet, loose floorboard, the bed...Matilda is watching with an "I remember when I did that" look, then going back to scarfing down tuna.

Dear Owner
I smarter than her. I has worked out that if plate empty, I get whole new plate!
Luv
Matilda

atirial

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #3356 on: February 10, 2018, 02:24:58 PM »
Dear Sophie,

Yes, you've been watching me build PCs. Yes, they have those shiny silver things that mummy screws in that make the rattling noise when pawed. Yes, I am sure they are great fun to pat at.

Please stop unscrewing them. I can't move some of these without a power screwdriver. You don't have thumbs. How are you doing this!?

Regards
Mum,
P.S. Pepperoni pizza is not a reccomended food for cats, but you can keep the slice. Does it taste better stolen with added carpet fluff topping?

Lynnv

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #3357 on: February 11, 2018, 10:50:43 AM »
Dear Harry,

I know it rolls around nicely when batted at.  And makes fun noises on a hard surface.  But I need to emphasize to you that, as a general rule of thumb, a screwdriver is not a cat toy. 

Plus-where did you put my screwdriver?  No really, I would like to have it back.  My set looks lonely with a missing brother. 

She who thought it was funny until something got lost under furniture somewhere
Lynn

"Anyone who considers protocol unimportant has never dealt with a cat."  Robert A. Heinlein

laughtermed

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #3358 on: February 14, 2018, 09:17:39 AM »
Dear Grandkitty (aka Politicat)

Since you were not happy with how your young master cleaned your litterbox, you migrated to our kitchen table and pooped on the weekly batch of political ads that came in the mail. Since the offending pile was promptly removed, we will never know which politician you selected.

Thanks for giving us all much needed laughs and doing your best to find a worthy place to do your business!

ladyknight1

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #3359 on: February 14, 2018, 10:42:33 AM »
Dear DK (Dumpster Kitty),

We're working on:

* Getting you to our home
* Getting you a better name
* Getting you checked for FIV/FIP and spayed

Please be patient as it will take us a week or so

Sincerely,

Kind DH

(Dumpster kitty appeared behind DH workplace a few weeks ago, and let DH pet her yesterday, so we're pretty sure she can be fostered and adopted out.)
ďAll that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost."
-J.R.R Tolkien