S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat

[Amara]

Dear Mommy,

You have no idea how much danger you were in. We saved you from the most horrible things that could ever happen when you bring an ostrich into the house. You are most welcome, by the way. Now please learn about dangers before you bring home dangerous animals. But since you are human and prone to forgetting don't worry too much. We are happy to take on the role of protector and will fiercely defend you against any and all dusters predators.

Alexei & Lyla

[WhiteTigerCub]

Dear Fuzzy,

I know you love that new puppy play toy thingie and you have done very well at not clawing her when she tackles you to the ground and then proceeds to lick you within an inch of your life, but please for all kitty dignity and to teach the puppy that it is not ok to tackle the other kitties in the house, please give her a few hard swats and then move away from her play space so she doesn't tackle you again. Kitties are not supposed to let puppies tackle them and like it!

The Referee

[camlan]

Dear Fuzzy,

I know you love that new puppy play toy thingie and you have done very well at not clawing her when she tackles you to the ground and then proceeds to lick you within an inch of your life, but please for all kitty dignity and to teach the puppy that it is not ok to tackle the other kitties in the house, please give her a few hard swats and then move away from her play space so she doesn't tackle you again. Kitties are not supposed to let puppies tackle them and like it!

The Referee

Dear Referee,

Do not worry. Is all part of master plan. Lure evil dog-creature in by making it think kitties are good. Kitties are nice. Kitties are fun to play with.

Once secondary objective is reached, primary objective will come into play. Puppy will rue the day it thought kitties were nice when all of us attack at once! We will send the dog running! He will not know what is happening! Kitties rule!

Your overlord,
Fuzzy

[Irishkitty]

Dear Little Kit

Not every tin contains tuna. Deal with it. Do not give me those doleful eyes when I allow you to sniff the tin and it does not contain tuna.

Sincerely,
The hand that feeds you.

[atirial]

Dear Stephen,

I am aware that for most of your life, before you came to the shelter and then to us, you were an intact Thomas Cattus. I don't know what might have triggered this sudden behaviour change - a run in with a fox or other cat seems unlikely since you have had plenty of those before. I'm not even sure it was you.

However, for the first time since you cats moved in, someone decided to mark their territory by spraying in the lounge. It was not your staff (we're clutching our noses). Matilda lives upstairs, and won't go near the affected room. You will, and look very proud of yourself. The circumstantial evidence is strong.

I have never smelt anything like this in my life, and the room is a chemical warfare zone right now. Yes, your staff are going over it with a UV light and white vinegar and odour repellants...and gas masks and watering eyes.

If you ever do this again, I will apply a cork to the relevant regions.

Regards,
Your loving staff (with clothes pegs on their noses)

P.S. Any hints or tip on killing the smell would be very welcome.

[camlan]

Dear Stephen,

I am aware that for most of your life, before you came to the shelter and then to us, you were an intact Thomas Cattus. I don't know what might have triggered this sudden behaviour change - a run in with a fox or other cat seems unlikely since you have had plenty of those before. I'm not even sure it was you.

However, for the first time since you cats moved in, someone decided to mark their territory by spraying in the lounge. It was not your staff (we're clutching our noses). Matilda lives upstairs, and won't go near the affected room. You will, and look very proud of yourself. The circumstantial evidence is strong.

I have never smelt anything like this in my life, and the room is a chemical warfare zone right now. Yes, your staff are going over it with a UV light and white vinegar and odour repellants...and gas masks and watering eyes.

If you ever do this again, I will apply a cork to the relevant regions.

Regards,
Your loving staff (with clothes pegs on their noses)

P.S. Any hints or tip on killing the smell would be very welcome.

Dear Stephen,

You may have to direct your staff to the purchase of an enzymatic cleaner in order to completely remove the odor (which I am sure you had nothing to do with). Here in the US, Nature's Miracle is a good brand; I'm not sure what is available to you where you live. But instruct the staff to soak the area well and be aware that a second or third soaking may be necessary.

My staff keeps Nature's Miracle on hand. When it is in use, there is a lot of muttering that I don't pay a lot of attention to, but there's something about how if it didn't exist, I would have to find a new home. My staff sure does have a sense of humor!

Sincerely,
Fred

[Midnight Kitty]

I remember Angel, a cat who lived with me many, many years ago.  Angel had some kind of hormonal imbalance.  She was a spayed female and she sprayed like an intact male cat to mark her territory.  It was awful.  Her favorite room was the den, which was wood-paneled, which absorbs the nasty smell.  She even hit the stereo once.  The vet put her on a hormone therapy, but she gained so much weight (20+ pounds) that it put her health at risk. My ex-H and I owned horses, so she was sent to live in the barn. She was a good mouser.

I learned the hard way: Never name a pet or child any version of the word "Angel."  I have a niece named Angela.  She's a holy terror.  Angel, the cat, was named such because she was pure white.  She was also purely crazy.

[Amara]

atirial, you made me laugh out loud. Thank you. In return, I'll offer this advice. You can get rid of male cat urine order but it's going to get worse (yes, that's unfortunately possible) before it gets better. I know. I had an unneutered adult male cat spray in my house. Here's how to do it:

Get plain white vinegar, a lot of it. A gallon jug will work well. Use some soup bowls you don't care about--or get some from the thrift store--and fill them about 1/2 - 3/4 full of undiluted vinegar. You don't want to fill them to the brim because of the risk of them spilling or being tipped over. Place them all over, ideally where they can be protected from accidental run-ins with your feet: under the coffee table and end tables, etc. Open all the doors and windows as much and as long as you can. Try to live with it for about three weeks. It will eliminate the odor, but the combination, I admit, is horrendous. I was pleased to be able to inform all those who told me I'd never get it out that I actually did.

[JadeAngel]

Dear Gizmo,

The long yellow swishy thing is fun no? It waves back and forth so temptingly before your nose just begging you to attack it!

Unfortunately it is attached to a Golden Retriever who is rapidly losing her patience with you and your stealth attacks from under the couch. When she's had enough of her tail being leaped on, she sits on you, which we can deduce you don't like from the muffled yowling, but can't do much about because we're all too busy rolling around on the floor laughing.

The catnip mousie is right over there under the coffee table and it doesn't fight back. Maybe you could concentrate on that for a while?

[Irishkitty]

I remember Angel, a cat who lived with me many, many years ago.  Angel had some kind of hormonal imbalance.  She was a spayed female and she sprayed like an intact male cat to mark her territory.

My female cat does that too... I often joke that it's because she things DH is her mother

[MERUNCC13]

Dear Gizmo,

The long yellow swishy thing is fun no? It waves back and forth so temptingly before your nose just begging you to attack it!

Unfortunately it is attached to a Golden Retriever who is rapidly losing her patience with you and your stealth attacks from under the couch. When she's had enough of her tail being leaped on, she sits on you, which we can deduce you don't like from the muffled yowling, but can't do much about because we're all too busy rolling around on the floor laughing.

The catnip mousie is right over there under the coffee table and it doesn't fight back. Maybe you could concentrate on that for a while?

@ Jade Angel - If I saw that I would be rolling on the floor laughing also.

[AnnaT]

Dear Gizmo,

The long yellow swishy thing is fun no? It waves back and forth so temptingly before your nose just begging you to attack it!

Unfortunately it is attached to a Golden Retriever who is rapidly losing her patience with you and your stealth attacks from under the couch. When she's had enough of her tail being leaped on, she sits on you, which we can deduce you don't like from the muffled yowling, but can't do much about because we're all too busy rolling around on the floor laughing.

The catnip mousie is right over there under the coffee table and it doesn't fight back. Maybe you could concentrate on that for a while?

@ Jade Angel - If I saw that I would be rolling on the floor laughing also.

I would too... photos? I could use a good laugh. 

[furrcats]

My cat for the first time in 16 years will sleep by himself of course this involes a fireplace a heating pad and a catbed  and gerbers beef baby food ( he will tolerate anything for that) and a consent mortaring of the tempchure of the house so he won't yell all night about his unpurfect life.       

[AnnaT]

Dear Oscar

Yes, it is very clever you have learned how to open the shutters in the bedroom.  You are a very clever boy!  Can I suggest not doing it until it is actually morning as the neighbour's back light shining in my window does not make for a happy food provider - and an unhappy food provider gives you the generic brand rather than the nummy brand - just sayin'.

Love
Mum

[MERUNCC13]

Dear Oscar

Yes, it is very clever you have learned how to open the shutters in the bedroom.  You are a very clever boy!  Can I suggest not doing it until it is actually morning as the neighbour's back light shining in my window does not make for a happy food provider - and an unhappy food provider gives you the generic brand rather than the nummy brand - just sayin'.

Love
Mum

I am rolling as I was reading this (Thanks Ms. Anna!)

Dear Cali:

Just because you want to go out to the enclosed back porch at 3:00 AM does not mean I want to get up, and since you don't want daddy to take you out so until I feel like getting up, meowing and moving to where I am in the bed when I attempt to roll over or hide under the covers will not get you outside any earlier.

Love,

Mom