S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat

[Venus193]

Dear Carmen,

Please stop hiding and get to know your new little brother.  He's very playful and you need him.


Dear Figaro,

You're a darling but please don't pick up Carmen's bad habit of climbing the wall unit.  Mommy doesn't like it when you step on the plug for the TV set in the middle of watching her novelas.

[greencat]

Dear Tribble:
A) You are absolutely not allowed outside.  I know I let Princess out, but that's because she avoids cars like the plague and comes when I call her to come back in.  Stop crying in your loud Siamese voice to be released into the wild - it's just not happening.

B) Although the other dog loved you and let you roll all over her, she does not live here anymore.  The current canine is kind of afraid of cats because Princess terrorized him when he was a puppy, and I also think he remembers you sinking all four paws full of claws and your teeth into his tail when he was sleeping, so he REALLY doesn't want to have anything to do with you.  Rolling on the floor at his feet just makes him look sad and confused.  Really, seriously, he's not going to give you a bath or let you chew on his ears like the other dog did.

Dear Princess:
A) You, too, need to leave the dog alone.  Stop eating his food.  I know it smells like salmon but it's not cat food.  Definitely stop guarding the water bowl from him.  You couldn't drink that much water in a month.  Also, he doesn't possess the equipment to pet OR feed you, so rubbing yourself against his legs does nothing but make him look sad and confused, because you used to beat him up when he was a puppy. 

B) What mad scientist managed to cross cats with sandspurs?  You are like the world's most painful Velcro.   Stop trying to climb my leg; especially when I'm wearing shorts.  Actually, stop trying regardless of what I'm wearing - I don't own the requisite armor to keep your claws from reaching my skin.  Tribble can keep his claws out of my skin, so it's not an impossible task.

[HungryHungryKitties]

Dear Adam, Rocky and Antero,

Yes, I know.  Yes, we are having an epic year for Miller Moth season here in Colorado.  Yes, I know they are fun to hunt and nummy to eat.  But hunting them from the bed while I am asleep does not make for a happy mommy.  Hopefully the scratches on my neck will heal without scarring.

Dear Fred and Mica,

Thank you for your restraint in The Great Moth Hunt (tm).  Mommy appreciates your sensitivity to her need to get a good night's sleep.

Love,
The warm thing huddling under the covers

[peach2play]

Dear Yuki, Lyoko, Midnight and Shadow,

Yes, Mommy was gone for 3 days.  The food bowl was not empty, Nanna and Auntie came by and you got lots and lots of lovins and pettins.  You survived.  You do not need to follow me around the house like a furry entourage. 

The hand that feeds you.

[Ms_Cellany]

Dear Jack and Luna,

You knew there was another cat in the bathroom. We have seen you go up to the closed door and sniff.

The door is now open. We find it hilarious when you wander over, spot her, freeze, and run.

We see you have learned your lesson about coming up to mommy cats with babies.

Love,
The Lover of Schadenfreude

[JadeAngel]

Dear Gizmo,

Unfortunately the bad man is here to stay. Yes he takes up about 70% of the bed and I take up most of the other 30% leaving nothing for you. That's why I spread out the lovely fleece blanket on the couch. Yes he likes to sit in the sunny patch on the floor by the window, just like you do, and yes he likes to cuddle up on the couch with me when I'm watching TV in the evening, but there is no excuse for baring your teeth and hissing at him even if he did startle you by reaching for the remote control.

He's really not that bad, and like I said he's here to stay, so maybe you could consider coming out from behind the couch?

Anytime this week will be fine.

Love

Me.

[peach2play]

Dear Yuki,

Thank you so very much for defending the bathroom from the Toilet Paper Roll Monster.  I am so very glad it is dead and the look of triumph on your face when you killed it was priceless.  Our village is saved and the TPRM will never threaten another bathroom floor again.  Good kitten.

Mommy

[Lynnv]

My Dear Harry,

Do you see the closed door?  That is a sign that kitties are not welcome behind the door.  There are many good reasons for this.

1)  No matter what your mama told you,  you are NOT wise in the ways of cars.  And you will get squished.  And we will buy our friendly neighborhood vet a boat before you get well.

2) The yard isn't safe either.  The squirrels don't respect you, the birds don't fear you, and the neighbor dogs laugh at you behind your back.  Again, getting out will lead to a new boat for the kind vet who lets you eat his dog treats even though "Cats don't like those treats."

3)  There is a person behind the door going potty.  While I realize you don't understand the human need for privacy from time to time, it is something you need to accept.

4)  And, as of this morning I really must reiterate this one, there are dangerous objects behind the door.  Case in point-my glassroom.  I did not enjoy spending 15 minutes digging you out from under my workbench this morning after you snaked your way past me this morning.  I really did not enjoy the part where, in dragging you out, I managed to gash both my knee AND my foot (I stepped out of the shoes I always wear in there) and started bleeding.  And no, the dance I did in trying to get the shoe back on, get you out the door, and grab a bandaid so I didn't bleed all over the place wasn't funny.

Please-stop with the doors.  We do not hide the gardens of earthly delights behind them. 

Love,
Your kind of annoyed mom



Dearest Bob,

Quit enabling Harry by opening the doors, please.  I know he knows how to do it, but you usually do it for him and then just watch him do whatever his little pea-brain has come up with.  So you are not in my good books either.

Love,
The same annoyed mom

PS-Yes-I am glaring at both of you now.  And my knee still hurts.  Grumble.

[Snooks]

3)  There is a person behind the door going potty.  While I realize you don't understand the human need for privacy from time to time, it is something you need to accept.

When we got kittens I remember reading that cats like to use the litter tray in private.  Try telling my two that who like to climb into the litter tray as I'm cleaning it out and use it while looking me dead in the eye.  Maybe the website I was on was actually for cats informing them that humans like to use the toilet in private.

[Ms_Cellany]

Dear kittens,

Thank you for a brand new experience:

"Oh. There's a thread on the floor. I'd better pick it up so the kittens don't get tangled in it or eat it"
"Oh. It's stiff. Must be a twist-tie. How'd that get in here?"
"OH! It's an umbilical cord!"

With loving heeby-jeebies,
The Big Pink Thing.

[DistantStar]

When we got kittens I remember reading that cats like to use the litter tray in private.  Try telling my two that who like to climb into the litter tray as I'm cleaning it out and use it while looking me dead in the eye.  Maybe the website I was on was actually for cats informing them that humans like to use the toilet in private.

Don't ask me -- my Sapphire follows me into the bathroom and does her business when I'm doing mine.  She doesn't listen when I tell her that I grant her privacy on the occasions she heads in without me, so why can't she let me have a little?

This may be solved soon as I will have a laundry room in my new apartment (YAY!) and will probably be able to put the box in there.

[greencat]

Trust me when I say do NOT put the litter box in a small enclosed place where you might have clothes sitting out for even a little bit.  Not only will fabric absorb a subtle odor from even a relatively clean litter box, it will also become a tempting target for feline bathroom usage...

[Venus193]

I concur.  A childhood friend's mother put a litter box in the basement near the laundry facilities... with tragic results.

[Mental Magpie]

I concur.  A childhood friend's mother put a litter box in the basement near the laundry facilities... with tragic results.

Never happened with our laundry room...the litter box was right up next to the drier...then again, our laundry room was on the larger side; maybe it aired out enough.

[Avi]

My Dear Harry,

  The squirrels don't respect you,

I am still giggling at this.... tee hee