S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat

[WildChild@Heart]

Dear Cat (Picasso)

Yes, I love you. Yes, you are incredibly cute. Yes, I have probably spoiled you a bit. But your latest new habit is not cute. I don't know how you learned to open the dresser drawers. Or why you have decided that ransacking my lingerie is so much fun, but please, stop. It's kinda weird having a cat with a lingerie fetish and I'm tired of having to lint roll and refold all my undergarments everyday.

Love Momma

[Friday]

Dear Ariel - I know that you really, really love momma's gloves with the rabbit fur trim.  And yes, I know that it's quite clever that you manage to get them out of the pockets of my coat, when I put them deep in the pockets and turn the coat over.  However, they are my favorites, and I bought them from a street vendor in italy so I cannot get anymore - please leave them alone... I'll buy you any other toy, I promise.

[Black Delphinium]

Dear Maya,

Yes, you are so cute. And we really do love you. But Mommy and Daddy time is not for kitties. Please to be getting out of the bedroom. You weird Daddy out.

Love,
 Mommy

[Shoo]

Dear Bella Kitty,
Please stop trying to kill me.

[hulachick]

Dear Kitty I and Kitty II-
I know the fishy are fascinating but they really do not enjoy being chased around the tank.
Also, I know Mama looks cold in the morning but she doesn't need a kitty draped across her neck to warm up, especially since she  can't manage to keep the fur out of her mouth.
Lastly, Mama cannot afford anymore ipod earbuds, please stop chewing on them (where are you even finding them, I keep hiding them?).
Lots of smooches,
Mama

[Miss Vertigo]

Dear Weedster,

Please not to be doing things in the tray in the middle of the night that are so gross they actually wake me up from two rooms away. Please to be holding it until the morning when I let you out.


Dear Leo,

Stop trying to kill your brother. Understandable, after that, but still.

[HollysCats]

Dear Kitties,

Together, the two of you weigh less than 30 pounds.  How is it that you manage to occupy 95% of a queen-sized bed?

Love, Holly

[M-theory]

Dear Monica,

While the facepats are very endearing, I prefer them without claws.

Love,
Civil Disobedience

[bigozzy]

Dear Luigi-cat

Sitting close to son while he lies on the the floor and then passing wind was probably not intentional but he did change colour.

Dear Son

Cats do not understand revenge. Having your brother hold down luigi-cat so you can fart on him is not acceptable.

By the way, I was snorting with anger not laughing when I came across the above.

Bigozzy

[Katharos]

Dear Tama,

You are such a sweet kitty. I love how it's only been 9 days since I adopted you but you've already accepted me as your "mommy". I especially love seeing you in the front window waiting for me to get home from work. However, I don't like your mouth. All you do is talk! I've never had a kitty who talked so much. You're driving me crazy! I'm going to have to figure out how to soundproof a room that I can shove you in when you start trying to talk to me at 5 in the morning. Mommy needs to sleep until at least 6. Please, please let me sleep until then before you start trying to talk to me about all the exciting things you did during the night that I already know about because you woke me up several times while you were doing them. Mommy can't sleep during the day the way you do.


Love,
Katharos

[KitFox]

Dear Val and Bear,

I know you love me and want to be with me every second I'm home, but you don't need to climb up my legs. If you sit on the floor in front of me and ask nicely I'll pick you up and cuddle you. Please stop climbing up my bare flesh. Your claws are sharp and I don't need anymore scars. Thank you.

Love, Mommy

[O'Dell]

Dear Gomez,

I will feed you as I do every morning after my alarm goes off. You are not starving, and your histrionics will not get you canned food any earlier. So knock it off!

TIA
Sway

[MasterofSquirrels]

Dear Nikko,
You are not a dog, and mice are not toys.. so please be a cat and deal with them appropriately. let me outline what that means:  1) if you catch one. kill it. do not let it go because you are bored with it.
                  2) bringing up the mouse in the mouse trap does not count.
                  3) Please, when you do kill a mouse, don't leave it where i can step on it. it's really gross. 
                  4) Please, kill the mouse outside the bedroom. i really don't like it when you chase mice into my shoes.

I know the dog eats your food. i am sorry about that. i try. but you don't have to voice your displeasure at 3am.. and at 4am.. and again at 6am.. you will get fed. i promise. and by the look of you, you aren't starved! Also, you are an inside kitty.. yes all of your ends are pointy, but you cannot survive outside. i love you, but you are not a smart kitty, and we live in the country...those Tom cats that come around will eat you. if they don't, the coyotes will.. or bobcats...or foxes. and besides, you don't like how the grass feels on your feet. stop trying to escape. thank you

i love you very much.. now put your tounge back in your mouth.. wierdo..i love you much!
mom.

[thebeckster]

Dear Baxter,

You will not die from thirst overnight. We leave the tub running (as ordered) and you have your water dish. You do not need both during the night. Please do not wake me because the tub has stopped running, because if I get up at 4:00 in the morning again to turn on the water and all you do is stare at the prettiness running out of the tap, someone will be sorry.

You have been warned.

[Sabbyfrog2]

Dear Luigi-cat

Sitting close to son while he lies on the the floor and then passing wind was probably not intentional but he did change colour.

Dear Son

Cats do not understand revenge. Having your brother hold down luigi-cat so you can fart on him is not acceptable.

By the way, I was snorting with anger not laughing when I came across the above.

Bigozzy

But I was snorting with laughter!

He didn't really do that did he?