Yes baby, i know you're a girl. you DID have five litters of kittens to prove that to me. no, I am not changing your name. oh, and about this five litters. I REALLY am sorry about that. The vet would not perform the darned proceedure while you were preggy, and you kept getting preggy before you weaned the previous litter. Honestly, you are a kitty ho. but I love you. I'm so glad you're fixed now though. You're getting fat and I've always wanted that for you. please stop trying to eat my body butter though.
I know you loved your kittens, and i know you have never quite forgiven me for sacrifficing them to the evil metal animals in the street, but I assure you, they are in a better place* So please, stop trying to nurse the guinea pigs/chihuahuas/amigurumis. First, you have no milk. Second, none of the things you present your bewbs to WANT your milk. So cut it out.
I know you are nervious in this new house. So i am so glad you are finally popping out occasionally. But also, stop trying to give kisses to the new doggies. they are a little creeped out.
You are my dad's cat. that means you should go force your love on HIM. I love you, but getting french kissed by a cat is rather odd.
Also, stop licking my eyelids.
*(forever homes... I just realized it sounded like i threw kittens into the path of cars... I didn't. i found a good home for every last kitten. It was the least i could do, after not being able to get her fixed in good time.)