S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat

[snowfire]

Dear kitties,

Just because you don't like the food in your bowls, you don't have to break into the pantry and tear into the new bag of food and spread it all over the floor.  Opening and destroying $20 worth of beef jerky won;t win you any points with Daddy. And how the heck did you open a latched door???

Love,

Kitty Mom

Neko and Scooter,

I love it when you cuddle up in bed on my chest.  However, I don't appreciate having " old one eye" pointed in my face.  Especially when you toot.   

(Big Ozzy - I could totally see your kid tooting in the cats face in revenge!  I had Coke coming out my ears when I read that.)

[Karmelita]

Dear Quinn,

I really, really need you to decide whether you want in or out of the bedroom at night and then stick to it.  I do not appreciate being woken up several times a night by you rattling the door.  I know you dislike closed doors, but those of us without fur coats get COLD in the winter when the bedroom door is open all night!

I really do think it's adorable how you chase and carry around all your "noisy" toys like a dog.  It's slightly less adorable when you do it at 4am.  Especially when you deliberately run across my back to wake me up.  I know you love it when I throw the toy out into the living room, but trust me - it's not my intention to play "fetch" at that hour.

Also...waking up mommy by dumping a glass of cold water on her head?  Not nice.

Smooches,
The Crazy Lady You Live With

PS - Plz stop nomming my hair.  It's just weird.

[wellisawstar]

Dear Zara,

I know you've heard me say many times that I hate my alarm clock. It works just fine, but no one likes to wake up to a jarring "beep beep beep."

I think you took that to heart, and I think that's why you've become my alarm clock. Every day around 7 a.m., you start meowing in the doorway. If that doesn't work, you progress to doing circuits from the door that loop to the bed and back to the living room. The way you figure it, I suspect, I'd rather hear "wake up!" from my beloved kitty than from an annoying, unlovable alarm clock.

You, madam, are incorrect.

But seeing as how it would be cruel to keep my door closed because Sammi likes to sleep next to me quietly, and seeing how my vet won't consider voice box surgery, I'm stuck with you and your well-developed kitty noises. So when it's the weekend, would you mind resetting your alarm for 9 a.m.? Mommy would like a little extra sleep.

Love,
Welli

[HeebyJeebyLeebee]

Dear Claudio,

Barf on my pillow again, and you're banned from the bedroom.  The least you can do is barf on the side off the side of the bed.

Don't worry, I still love you.

-Mommy



Dear Hero,

If you would just let me brush you like a normal cat, then I wouldn't have to sneak attack you with the Furminator.  New rule:  if you want to play on the bathroom counter, then I get to Furminate you while you play.  

-Mommy

[StaciNadia]

Dear Spikey,

You do not need to eat every second of every day.  You do not need to eat people food every single time we eat people food.  You will not die of hunger if you don't eat every second of the day.  Can you please stop those pitiful cries?  We are not starving you, little guy.  And please don't steal food from the other kitties.  Finally, Mimi bonked you on the head for daring to attempt it with her. 

And dear, while it's absolutely adorable when you tear a chunk of turkey or lettuce out of a sandwich I'm eating, you can't eat people food that much.  Learn from Ricky for the proper way to beg for food.  Sit nicely on the counter, and MAYBE Mommy or Grandma will take pity on you and give you a bite or three.  Learn from him.

Love, Mommy


Dear kitties,

PLEASE don't harass Her Royal Highness, Princess Mimi.  She doesn't want to play, just to be left alone.

Love Mommy

[PaddedPaws]

Dear Sophie Cat,

Please do not try to wake me before your regular breakfast time. I feed you at the same time each morning, and I will continue to do so, no matter how early in the morning you start crying. I know it is rude of me to pretend not to hear when you demand to be fed at the crack of dawn (which happens to be 4 am in the summer). I know that my attempts to play dead do not fool you, since you are eager to bite my face in order to test my state of awakeness.

Please understand, mother has to go to work later in the day, and needs enough sleep in order to be at her best. I still love you more than sunshine. May I reccomend sleeping on my lap an purring until my alarm goes off?

Love,
Mom

[camlan]

Dear Fred,

I do realize that it is not your fault that your meow is the feline equivalent of fingernails on a chalkboard, irritating in its scratchy, whiny quality. But for the love of Mike, you need to learn that one meow is plenty to get me on my feet or open the door or refill the water bowl. Several sustained minutes of meowing will slowly drive the little sanity I have left out of my head, and then, when I am safely institutionalized, where will you be?

And I'm sorry that I didn't realize sooner that you are lonely since Prinny passed away this spring. Because you always jumped out at her and bit her and fought her and chased her out of the room, I had thought you might like being the only cat for a change. But clearly, you are one lonely critter. Rest assured, as soon as I have full time employment again, I'm heading to the shelter and getting you a buddy. Can you be patient for a few more months?

Sincerely,

The food bowl filler

[utkvolfan]

Dear Smokey and Bandit,

I know you never asked for a human sister, especially one who loooooooooooooooves her feline brothers. However, thank you for being so good with her. I promise that once she starts to talk you both will like her, because she will tell Meowmy that "kitties are hungry" and you will probably get fed more often. She will also learn how to pet you more gently.

Love,

Meowmy

[WildChild@Heart]

Neko and Scooter,

I love it when you cuddle up in bed on my chest.  However, I don't appreciate having " old one eye" pointed in my face.  Especially when you toot.   

Laughing wildly....just add to that Mr Tailswisher beating me in the face and we have nearly the identical scene at my house.

[Daffydilly]

Dear Peach,
I loved you when you were a tiny puffball begging to be held by your human mommy when you were only a week old. And I really miss locking you out of my bedroom only to open the door at two am because of you plaintive mews to come in. I had a pillow set aside for you but you always loved the one warmed by my head. I miss you sneaking your "small" twelve pound frame onto my lap when I got home late at night from work.
You taught me love in way I never understood before.
I'm so sorry I had to give you to my friend when I left to join the armed forces. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. But please stop trying to chase goats and dogs off the farm. The goats live there and don't seem to care if you do chase them or not. They are not going to move. I'm glad that you have families in two houses side by side that love you. And I'm glad to here that you are happy.
I'll always love you,
Your first mommy

[AmethystAnne]

Dear Autumn, Tracker, and Zero (AKA Fearless Threesome),
I know that one of you hopped on the dresser and knocked the lightbulb off onto the floor. I did not appreciate having to pick tiny, sharp pieces of glass out of the carpet this morning when I was still half asleep.
Oh, while I'm at it, I also don't like having any of you making yourself comfortable in the middle of one of my work-in-progress afghans. And Tracker, you carrying around a skein of yarn and marouwwing like you caught a great prize? I admit that I thought it was cute the first 10 times, but now it's getting ridiculous.

You 3 will notice that I was not talking about Rizzo. She minds her own business, takes lots of naps, and ignores you guys.

The keeper of the cat food.

[bigozzy]

Dear kitties,

Just because you don't like the food in your bowls, you don't have to break into the pantry and tear into the new bag of food and spread it all over the floor.  Opening and destroying $20 worth of beef jerky won;t win you any points with Daddy. And how the heck did you open a latched door???

Love,

Kitty Mom

Neko and Scooter,

I love it when you cuddle up in bed on my chest.  However, I don't appreciate having " old one eye" pointed in my face.  Especially when you toot.   

(Big Ozzy - I could totally see your kid tooting in the cats face in revenge!  I had Coke coming out my ears when I read that.)

I like this expression! It's a pity a major cat expression of love.

I may change Luigi's name to Cyclops. A new expression: The cat just cyclopsed me.

[J.D.]

Dear Haiti,

I love that you come into the bedroom for cuddles first thing in the morning. However, the claws are not necessary.  If you would let me trim your nails, we wouldn't have this problem. Maybe we can work something out...?

Also, shame on you for teaching your foster-sister bad habits!  Ahh, who I am kidding. I can't stay mad at you, you fluffy little monkey.


Love,
Mom

Dear Monica,

While the facepats are very endearing, I prefer them without claws.

Love,
Civil Disobedience

Dear Monica,

Please be nice to your foster mom; if you don't keep the claws in, I'm going to knit you little mittens. 

Love,
Mom

[HollysCats]

I love it when you cuddle up in bed on my chest.  However, I don't appreciate having " old one eye" pointed in my face.

This does, however, make it really easy to discover when your cat has a tapeworm.  Don't ask me how I know this.

[Miss Vertigo]

Dear Cats,

I know we've not been here very long and you're still exploring your new outdoor territory. But please believe me when I tell you that the garden you see from the bedroom window is exactly the same garden that you access from the kitchen door. Really, it is. It's even on the same side of the flat. Sitting on the bedroom window ledge and looking at me confusedly, like I've moved you somewhere new for the second time in month is just... silly. And annoying, when the window is wide open while waiting for you to make your mind up and I'm freezing.

Lots of love,

Amused (and cold) of London