While you are so cute and mischievous, you have to calm down or DaddyBreeze will cover you in stamps and post you to Timbuktu.
He gets quite agitated in his sleep and your attempts to sleep on his head like a fur turban and push your face into his ear canal as far as it can go, do not endear you to him. Or to me, when he thinks the aliens are trying to probe him through his ear, and he turfs me out of bed.
He is not a mad cat poisoner either, so when he feeds you dinner, please eat it. Do not come crying to me so I think he has forgotten you, only to find a full bowl of kitty food. It is exactly the same food I would have given you.
Please donít listen to your pudgy belly. We feed you quite well. Too well, if you listen to the vet. Your belly keeps telling you that we starve you. It is a big fat liar.
Your sister is allowed to sit with us without you keeping tabs on her. Yes, she is on my lap. No, you donít need to sit next to me and pat her face. She will get cranky, and swipe at you. Having a cat fight in my lap is not my idea of a fun Sunday afternoon.
I donít care if there is a poop in your litter at 3.56 in the morning. I am not getting up to clean it. There is a whole other clean litter tray for you to use. Donít try and convince me that you canít use it, I have seen you. At that time in the morning, sleep is way more important to me than cleaning up one baked bean sized poop.
Love and fishy kisses
Dear Pretty Sal
You are with out a doubt the strangest cat I have ever met. I love your soft, soft coat and your little beeps and trills. You are so polite and well mannered, a perfect little lady. You are also quite neurotic. When you wake up in the spare room alone, you have to remember that you went to sleep in there alone. We did not abandon you, so you donít need to walk the halls warbling and looking for us.
You can join in the fun when we are playing with Sam. When you sit on the sidelines with a wistful look on your little face, it makes me feel sad. But it is a two way street. When we try to include you, donít throw a snit and gallop off like a horse. What did we do?
I am sorry if I offended you by saying that I can see your bosom. You are a white cat. Your bosoms are pink, so they stand out. I was only joking. There was really no reason to glare at me and turn your back to me. It was a joke, Miss Huffy!
DaddyBreeze says you are the prettiest cat he has ever seen. He has always wanted a pure white cat, so he is extra specially in love with you. *whispers* I think you are his favourite. Donít tell Sam.