Thanks for resurrecting this. In anticipation of my dupe entry getting closed, here's my entry.
Apologies if there's already a "Dear Cat" thread somewhere on here, but I couldn't find one, so here it goes.
I love you all, and even though there's far to many of you in my shoebox apartment, cannot imagine life without you. However, there's a few habits we need to work on to make life easier for all of us.
Dear Orange and White Cat
--You are my shadow, you follow me everywhere I go. I'd like to be the first to tell you that sidling up to my feet can (and has, quite often) get you stepped on. Plus, it may endanger my life if I'm on the top of the stairs. No me may equal SPCA for you if your designated guardians get cold feet. Also, showers and going to the bathroom are solitary activities. There is no need for you to supervise. You are, however, a great "living stuffed animal," especially since I wake up with you curled up in my arms each morning.
--You've had a tough time of it, my onetime feral cat. You've come quite a long way. But I hope you would know and trust me well enough by now not to run for your life whenever I approach the kitchen, or any room for that matter. It's been five years and I've never so much as raised my voice to you. It's time to move on from your earlier traumas. Also, I appreciate that among your many issues--dandruff, halitosis, gassiness, constantly running eyes--you also sneeze a lot. I just wish you would point your sneezes to one of your feline siblings. I get grossed out by the constant stream of cat snot that comes my way. But I'm so pleased to have gained your trust and love. You are a precious gift, my onetime "Lucifer" kitty.
--You are the Mary Poppins of cats...practically perfect in every way. Your endless dignity is admirable. However, I wish that you could manage not to shed gigantic clumps of black hair everywhere. Also, is there anyway you could turn color, even if it is just to get a few extra white spots. In the dark I can't tell the difference between you and a pile of clothes.
--You are 12 but still as small as a kitten. And unfortunately Orange Cat terrorizes you and you hide under the bed. I only see you during meal times...my meals. My one complaint with you, my hairy princess, is that you WILL NOT let me brush you. This is becoming a problem, especially since you keep coughing up one hairball after another. I'm done with chasing you all over the house, too, to cut off your mats. Your revenge tactic on my favorite shirt last year did not go unnoticed, and was most certainly not appreciated. However, I adore you. I just wish you wouldn't fight me so much when I go to pick you up and kiss you.
Love, Human Mommy