S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat

[JadeAngel]

Dear Gizmo,

I really enjoy our nightly battle for the hot water bottle, it's kind of fun to hide it under the covers in unexpected places (between my feet, under my armpit, behind my knee) and watch you nosing around the bed until you find it. And I'm sorry that you're now too round to curl up on top of it and it keeps rolling over and dumping you off (well actually I'm not sorry I'm laughing, but I can pretend to be sympathetic) but you have to choose. You can EITHER sleep curled up against the hot water bottle OR you can sleep smack in the middle of the bed but not both. I want you to choose the hot water bottle because then you sleep in a corner of the bed, but I can work around you.

Also the Bad-Man is coming over tonight, do you want your fluffy blanket under the TV table or on the couch?

Regards,

The Help.

[Snooks]

Dear Gizmo,
...
Also the Bad-Man is coming over tonight, do you want your fluffy blanket under the TV table or on the couch?

Regards,

The Help.

Dear Help

I think the Bad-Man would prefer the couch.  He's more than welcome to my blanket, I've got the hot water bottle.

Regards,

Gizmo

[JennJenn68]

Dear Mehitabel-The-Moron...

Please stay out of the bunny's cage.  You don't fit and you scare poor Sandy when you try to squeeze in, even when she doesn't happen to be in it at the time.  The bunny is a temporary visitor, and needs to be treated with the courtesy a guest demands, even one of another species. 

Oh, and don't try to eat Sandy's food.  It isn't good for you and I don't appreciate cleaning up cat yurp from the living room carpet.  You're an obligate carnivore; accept this fact.

Exasperatedly,

The Keeper Of The "Greenies" (And I can withhold them, too!)

[Bijou]

Just because you shouldn't eat onions and garlic doesn't mean that I can't.  I know you're trying to save my life, but really, they won't hurt me...I'm not a cat...I'm a person.  I LIKE onions and garlic and when  you jump in my dish, I have to throw the food away...because you can't eat it...because it has onions and garlic in it.
And, that stuff in the white bowl next to your food dish is water...same as comes out of the tap, so don't act like  you're dying of thirst if I don't turn on the faucet in the bathroom for you.

Just a thought.  I know no one here has a cat that drinks out of the toilet. but if a cat did do that, could you get a fake little toilet to put by the food dish so they would stop hogging the bathroom?

[Mental Magpie]

Just because you shouldn't eat onions and garlic doesn't mean that I can't.  I know you're trying to save my life, but really, they won't hurt me...I'm not a cat...I'm a person.  I LIKE onions and garlic and when  you jump in my dish, I have to throw the food away...because you can't eat it...because it has onions and garlic in it.
And, that stuff in the white bowl next to your food dish is water...same as comes out of the tap, so don't act like  you're dying of thirst if I don't turn on the faucet in the bathroom for you.

Just a thought.  I know no one here has a cat that drinks out of the toilet. but if a cat did do that, could you get a fake little toilet to put by the food dish so they would stop hogging the bathroom?

Leave the toilet seat up.  Once upon a time, Dark Cat, named Kasper, liked to drink out of the toilet bowl.  We didn't have dogs so the lids were up but the seats were down.  Dark Dad was tired of having the toilet seat always wet because the cat was drinking out of it, that he left the seat up.  Kasper jumped expecting 3" of landing space; when he was greeted with only 1", he fell in, splashed about, fled, and never drank out of the toilet again.

[Midnight Kitty]

The cat's water fountain is in the bathroom next to the toilet.  Cats (in general) like running water.  We bought the least expensive Petco model.  It's the smallest model and it barely fits.  Our condo is tiny.  We bought the water fountain when Midnight's kidneys began to fail and she compensated by drinking more.  The vet said "the more she drinks, the longer she'll live," so we bought the fountain to encourage her to drink more.

Bootsie loved drinking from the sink faucet until she got too fat and her arthritis got too bad for her to jump up.  Now she has the fountain with running water at her chin level.

[Elfmama]

Just because you shouldn't eat onions and garlic doesn't mean that I can't.  I know you're trying to save my life, but really, they won't hurt me...I'm not a cat...I'm a person.  I LIKE onions and garlic and when  you jump in my dish, I have to throw the food away...because you can't eat it...because it has onions and garlic in it.
And, that stuff in the white bowl next to your food dish is water...same as comes out of the tap, so don't act like  you're dying of thirst if I don't turn on the faucet in the bathroom for you.

Just a thought.  I know no one here has a cat that drinks out of the toilet. but if a cat did do that, could you get a fake little toilet to put by the food dish so they would stop hogging the bathroom?

Leave the toilet seat up.  Once upon a time, Dark Cat, named Kasper, liked to drink out of the toilet bowl.  We didn't have dogs so the lids were up but the seats were down.  Dark Dad was tired of having the toilet seat always wet because the cat was drinking out of it, that he left the seat up.  Kasper jumped expecting 3" of landing space; when he was greeted with only 1", he fell in, splashed about, fled, and never drank out of the toilet again.

One of mine stopped drinking out of the toilet when another cat pushed her into it.  First and only time I ever saw a cat play a practical joke.

[Sirius]

I used to have a cat who wasn't too sure-footed, and after having to fish her out of the toilet several times because she fell in I made a rule that the lid was to be kept down at all times when the toilet wasn't being used by a human, and anyone leaving it up would have to dry the cat off if she fell in.  The rule worked - she never fell in again.  She did, however, fall into the bathtub once when I was soaking in a bubble bath. 

[Venus193]

Dear Figaro,

You have all the personality in the world which is why I gave you that name.  So is that why when you lay in the bathtub you knock my razor off its ledge?

Love, Mum

[MonteCristo]

Dear Alexei,

I don't know what you were doing last night, but the sound of a 5lb ceramic plate full of crochet needles and remotes crashing off the piano at midnight is very disturbing.  If you must run around and play in the middle of the night, would you please try to sound less like a rampaging band of marauders? 

Love,
Mommy

[snowfire]

Dear Furballs,

Sharpening your claws on the carpet, felonious hot pursuits across the bed (and occupants) at 5AM and spilling DH's glass of ice water on him, which soaked all the bedding and onto the mattress is not how or when we want to start the day.  Further acts of this nature will get your sorry tails booted out of the bedroom or house.

Love,

Mom

(DH was NOT a Happy Camper this morning.)

[Venus193]

Dear Carmen and Figaro,

I know your kind is nocturnal in the jungle, but this is a one-bedroom apartment with your human mum who needs you to not do this after dark.

Also, Figaro, it's summer and it's hot.  You might want to take it easy until it cools off.

Love, Mum

[peach2play]

Dear Lyoko,

I know your brothers used "your" litter box.  We just moved and mommy hasn't been able to bring the other two litter boxes up to the 3rd floor.  Up until today, her legs hurt to bad from moving the cat trees and litter boxes and food plus her stuff to get that far.  You do not need to howl every hour on the hour through the night until I get up and clean the litter boxes.  You will survive, I promise.

Love,
Mommy

PS...keep it up and I will lock you in the closet with your litter box, water and food where I can't hear you and let you out in the morning.
(The closet is a walk in closet that's the size of a Fiat)

[Ms_Cellany]

Dear Boojum,

Shut UP!

Kind regards,
The Suckers.

[parrot_girl]

Dear Footsie,

I am very sorry that I didn't realise Baby Budgie was able to commando crawl (he couldn't do it the day before) over to you and grab your tail and chomp it. I know precisely how sharp his teeth are and that must have HURT.
I would like to say how impressed I am that you realised halfway through your swing that you were about to take out the baby and managed to sheathe your claws in time, fetching Budgie a mighty wallop but no scratches. Well done!

(you didn't need to then come over to me and claw my ankle, but I understand why you did it.)

love,
your human, who will keep a better eye on the baby from now on