The bar is not
your own personal climbing gym. Yes, I know that it is temptingly fabric-covered up the side and seems to offer perfect access to the heights of the TV room, but it is definitely Not Allowed. I will be reinforcing this with the spray bottle. Repeatedly. You look appallingly ridiculous suspended there, like a furry and demented bat.
I would really appreciate it if you would not sink your claws into my backside while I'm in front of the computer. I was on the chair first, you know! Sneaking behind me and then using my derriere for a pincushion does not
make Mama happy, and an unhappy Mama means a less indulgent Mama--and perchance increased usage of the dreaded spray bottle!
No, the kittens are not trying to drive you insane. They can't; you already went mad years ago. Sorry. I got two of them on purpose, so that they would be able to play and fight with each other and would leave you in peace. (Although it is kind of cute how you start grooming Deke, then get this look of "What am I DOING?" on your face and then whack him upside the head.) And no, you can't have the kittens' food. You're already a good five pounds overweight, which would be fine if you were a human being--but you're a cat. I'm sorry to have to tell you this yet again. You. Are. A. Cat. I know this shocks you, but it's the truth.
All three of you, thank you so much for being the perfect excuse for staying home from unwanted family vacations! I got to get out of being tyrannized by Snowflake Nephew and
I get the whole house to myself this weekend while DH, DS and my in-laws go to Ottawa for a weekend of culture. (I have Museum ADHD. Also manifests as Art Gallery ADHD. I can feel my attention span wandering as I cross the threshold of any of these places. It's a sad, sad thing, I suppose, but we must all understand and respect our limitations...
With deepest affection (and some bandaids on the backside!),
Dispenser Of Food, Attention, And Cleaner Of The Litter Box