S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat

[greencat]

Dear adorable Moose the Kitten:

When I shower, I am not steaming myself for your consumption.  The licking and biting that inevitably follows my shower really needs to stop before you turn into the enormous monster of a cat your feet are promising me that you'll be.

Love,
The human whose leg you are currently snuggling.

[magicdomino]

Dear Magic,

I enjoy lap time too, that's why I encourage you to curl up on me.  But for the love of Bast, please do not use your hind claws for traction when jumping off if I am wearing shorts. 

Sincerely,

The Bed Warmer

[misha412]

Dear Renji,

The counter top is not your play area. Yes, when I catch you up there, you will be getting a bath with the spray bottle.

You are such a sweet baby. I am loving watching you grow into a young cat. But, keep a couple things in mind. The drapes are not ladders in disguise and the dog's tail is not for chewing. And stop making your little sister squeal by playing rough.

Love, Mommy.

Dear Rukia,

Sigh. You look so innocent. You are not fooling mommy though. I know you are the one who pounces on your brother whenever possible. I know you like to instigate things. Plus, squealing does not make you innocent. It just means you like to complain when your brother is kicking your tush.

You are my little sweetie girl. Plus, you are the only other female in this household. (We've got to watch each other's backs).

Love, Mommy

[greencat]

Dear kitten,

You're a ninja and can teleport.  I can come up with no better explanation for how you manage to get past me every time, especially since I was looking directly at the space you had to have passed through to get into my room and you were on the other side of the house ten seconds ago!

Love,

Your confused babysitter.

[MerryCat]

Dear Mitten,

I accept that you are not a snuggly kitten and would rather play than be petted any day. But when you cuddle next to me in bed, purring and begging to be petted, then stalk off angrily when I comply, well, you're kind of sending mixed signals. Please decide how you'd like me to serve you and I will be more than happy to comply.

Love,

Your confused mum.

[bluhairfreak]

MerryCat: I can't say for sure, but my kitty Rocky hates to be petted(one stroke from head to tail) but loves to receives ear and chin scritches.  Mayby that's what Mittins is asking for.

[Outdoor Girl]

Dear Peggy and Sassy:

I know I've been away for 6 days but you were checked up on twice, had three litter boxes, two water bowls, open toilets and two food dishes.  There was food and water left when I got home and the litter boxes weren't overloaded.

Please tell me why one of you chose to drop a load on the floor rather than use your litter box?

And please don't do it again!

Love,

The food provider

[ShanghaiJill]

Dear Peggy and Sassy:

I know I've been away for 6 days but you were checked up on twice, had three litter boxes, two water bowls, open toilets and two food dishes.  There was food and water left when I got home and the litter boxes weren't overloaded.

Please tell me why one of you chose to drop a load on the floor rather than use your litter box?

And please don't do it again!

Love,

The food provider

I'll bet they tried to blame it on each other.

[greencat]

Dear Moose the Kitten:

You are the cutest thing in the world, and it's a good thing I rescued you from outside and made you an indoor kitty, because you have absolutely no sense of self preservation.  You run towards loud noises.  And then, there are your interactions with the other animals.

Specifically, stay away from Princess.  She is Basement Cat incarnate, and does not like you.  Or the other cats.  She only tolerates the dog (because he leaves her alone) and accepts the worship of humans.  Quit trying to play the same attack-the-fluffy tail and jump-on-the-head games you play with your mother and Tribble, my angelically patient tom cat.  The ensuing screeching and the potential for damage to you is just not acceptable. 

Furthermore, leave your poor mother alone.  When the two of you are play fighting and one of you starts screaming because the other is being too rough, it's your mother nine times out of ten.

Also, just because I'm wearing a long dress, does not mean you can hide under the skirt in order to ambush the other cats and the dog when they approach me for petting.  I now know how the Trojan horse felt.  I mean, you don't just jump out from underneath - you attack through my skirt. Brat.

Love,
The babysitter.

[Venus193]

Dear Moose the Kitten:

Also, just because I'm wearing a long dress, does not mean you can hide under the skirt in order to ambush the other cats and the dog when they approach me for petting.  I now know how the Trojan horse felt.  I mean, you don't just jump out from underneath - you attack through my skirt. Brat.

Love,
The babysitter.

Dear Carmen and Figaro,

The above also applies to you.

Love, She Who Provides Toys and Fancy Feast

[peach2play]

Dear all fur babies,

Yes, the food bowl was down to a few bits at 4:30 this morning but sounding like a herd of elephants while fighting, whining, playing and complaining is not nice and I'm sure glad my neighbor downstairs sleeps on the other side of the apartment and can not hear you.  No, you will not starve, yes, the food bowl will fill up when I get up and if this keeps up, mommy's getting a squirt bottle and you all get locked in separate rooms.

Love,
Your butler

[ShanghaiJill]

Dear Stinky

Quit barfing.

Love, Mom.

[shadowfox79]

Dear Dash,

You are adorable and I love you. But please stop climbing the curtains. It is especially unnerving when you hang from one paw like a chimp.

Dear Spot,

You are a very handsome boy and I love you. However, you have a perfectly good scratching post. Please stop ripping hell out of the couch.

Love, exasperated furmother

[MerryCat]

MerryCat: I can't say for sure, but my kitty Rocky hates to be petted(one stroke from head to tail) but loves to receives ear and chin scritches.  Mayby that's what Mittins is asking for.

Blu, Mitten definitely prefers quick a couple of quick chin scritches and moving on. But lately she's been asking for more then freaking out. I think she's jealous of all the snuggly time Cassie gets and wants in on some of the lovey action, but doesn't know how to relax enough to enjoy it. She's always been a very hyper, go-go-go type of cat, but she's finally starting to settle down a bit.

[greencat]

Dear cats - all four of you,

May I please use the bathroom by myself?


An addendum to the dog:
I know you like to sleep in there, but can you not sleep right in front of the toilet?  I need to put my feet there.