Author Topic: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat  (Read 197615 times)

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Amara

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #750 on: September 04, 2012, 11:16:07 AM »
Dear Harry & Bob (especially Harry),

Having cats means having to tape roll any clothing you own if you want it to be mostly hair-free when you leave the house.  I can live with that.  I have to say that your ability, Bob, to shed such that every kind of clothing shows your fur (since you are black AND white) is somewhat annoying.

But Harry, the fact that I have to tape roll my pillows is just wrong.  And it is your fault.  We have ceded an entire pillow to you, but you insist on sleeping on my pillow when I am not around to shoo you off.  Believe me, the fur on the pillow gives you away.  Stop it.  Just stop it.

Thanks.

She who feeds you and clips your claws (and tape rolls her pillows)

Dear Koa,

This is why I insist that you nap on the old sheet that I spread over the bed each morning.  Please don't pull it off.

Thank you,

The bedwarmer.

Dear Girls,

And this is why I feel I must keep the comforter on the bed upside down. It is cream. You are all black. Do you have any idea how hard it is to vacuum a comforter without sucking it up? Why would you? You are all under the sofa. And all the fur is out here.

Grumpily,

Mom

camlan

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #751 on: September 04, 2012, 12:24:00 PM »
Dear Harry & Bob (especially Harry),

Having cats means having to tape roll any clothing you own if you want it to be mostly hair-free when you leave the house.  I can live with that.  I have to say that your ability, Bob, to shed such that every kind of clothing shows your fur (since you are black AND white) is somewhat annoying.

But Harry, the fact that I have to tape roll my pillows is just wrong.  And it is your fault.  We have ceded an entire pillow to you, but you insist on sleeping on my pillow when I am not around to shoo you off.  Believe me, the fur on the pillow gives you away.  Stop it.  Just stop it.

Thanks.

She who feeds you and clips your claws (and tape rolls her pillows)

Dear Koa,

This is why I insist that you nap on the old sheet that I spread over the bed each morning.  Please don't pull it off.

Thank you,

The bedwarmer.

Dear Girls,

And this is why I feel I must keep the comforter on the bed upside down. It is cream. You are all black. Do you have any idea how hard it is to vacuum a comforter without sucking it up? Why would you? You are all under the sofa. And all the fur is out here.

Grumpily,

Mom

Dear Fred,

This is why there are two pillowcases on every pillow. The outer one's for you to shed all over, and the inner one's for me to sleep on. And why there is a strategically placed throw on your favorite corner of the bed, where you can see out both windows and also keep an eye on traffic in the hallway and monitor what's going on in the kitchen.

You have three cat beds. I've protected 3/4 of my bed. Could you please stop throwing up hair balls on the remaining uncovered 1/4 of the comforter?

Thank you,

The laundress.
Nothing is impossible, the word itself says, “I’m possible!” –Audrey Hepburn


Amara

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #752 on: September 04, 2012, 01:00:45 PM »
Dear Harry & Bob (especially Harry),

Having cats means having to tape roll any clothing you own if you want it to be mostly hair-free when you leave the house.  I can live with that.  I have to say that your ability, Bob, to shed such that every kind of clothing shows your fur (since you are black AND white) is somewhat annoying.

But Harry, the fact that I have to tape roll my pillows is just wrong.  And it is your fault.  We have ceded an entire pillow to you, but you insist on sleeping on my pillow when I am not around to shoo you off.  Believe me, the fur on the pillow gives you away.  Stop it.  Just stop it.

Thanks.

She who feeds you and clips your claws (and tape rolls her pillows)

Dear Koa,

This is why I insist that you nap on the old sheet that I spread over the bed each morning.  Please don't pull it off.

Thank you,

The bedwarmer.

Dear Girls,

And this is why I feel I must keep the comforter on the bed upside down. It is cream. You are all black. Do you have any idea how hard it is to vacuum a comforter without sucking it up? Why would you? You are all under the sofa. And all the fur is out here.

Grumpily,

Mom

Dear Fred,

This is why there are two pillowcases on every pillow. The outer one's for you to shed all over, and the inner one's for me to sleep on. And why there is a strategically placed throw on your favorite corner of the bed, where you can see out both windows and also keep an eye on traffic in the hallway and monitor what's going on in the kitchen.

You have three cat beds. I've protected 3/4 of my bed. Could you please stop throwing up hair balls on the remaining uncovered 1/4 of the comforter?

Thank you,

The laundress.


Dear Girls,

Fred reminded me that is why I have a plain cream comforter on the bed, one I got used for $20 off CL. The really nice gold and black one I had--remember, the one that cost me almost $150--was the one you used to throw up on. Sometime when I was at work. So it had all day to marinate. I almost added to it when I got home, tried to wash it out, realized the smell would never come out, and threw it along with the perfectly good bedskirt and decorative pillow coverings and just went cheap after that.

Of course, if you ever do that to my expensive, much-treasured sofa you are ... dead meat.

Let's-be-clear-on-this Mom

Sirius

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #753 on: September 04, 2012, 01:29:49 PM »
Dear Max,

I realize you're still getting the hang of how we do things around here, and that when you came Mr. Sirius was off work for the summer so we went to bed at the same time.  However, now he's gone back to work and has to get up very early in the morning, whereas I don't have to get up and work until much later.  Therefore, if I don't go to bed at the same time he does, it's okay.  It's not license for you to sit outside the office door and fuss at me.  And yes, I know you don't like coming into the office because Daisy and Minnie hang out here, but either you make up your mind to join us in the office or lay on the bed like you have been; sitting outside the office door and meowing at me gets old fast.

Your bed warmer

(I wanted him to be quiet so he wouldn't wake Mr. Sirius up, but fortunately Mr. Sirius can sleep through an explosion.)

RebeccainGA

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #754 on: September 05, 2012, 12:32:12 PM »
Dear cats of the world,

I know my grandmother is a soft touch. There's probably a sign on every corner of her yard that cats can read that says so. But, for the love of Pete, can you please limit yourself to ONE batch of foundling kittens a year in her yard? She's getting up there in years, and the stress of deworming, defleaing, feeding, fixing, and rehoming two batches this year has knocked her on her fanny. Skip the year next year, maybe?

Sincerely, the granddaughter ready to plant catnip plants to put in the neighbors yards

guihong

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #755 on: September 05, 2012, 02:38:44 PM »
Dear Misty:

I apologize for placing a notebook and my headphones on your stool.  I have given you scritches and pets, even checked your dish.  It is not necessary to glare at me as if to say "You KNOW that is my seat!"

Love,
the hairless petting and food provider.

(she has a stool-really a broken seat that we don't have the heart to get rid of  ::)-and she is very put out if we so much as set something on it)



AnnaT

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #756 on: September 25, 2012, 01:17:41 AM »
Dear Oscar

How can you have fleas?!?!  You are an inside cat on hardwood floors and I killed five (5!) fleas on you after bathtime on the weekend!!  I am so sorry I didn't pick up on the fact sooner and its all fixed now but I repeat the question - how can you have fleas???

Love
Mum

Mental Magpie

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #757 on: September 25, 2012, 12:46:54 PM »
Dear Oscar

How can you have fleas?!?!  You are an inside cat on hardwood floors and I killed five (5!) fleas on you after bathtime on the weekend!!  I am so sorry I didn't pick up on the fact sooner and its all fixed now but I repeat the question - how can you have fleas???

Love
Mum


You probably brought them inside on your clothes  :(
The problem with choosing the lesser of two evils is that you're still choosing evil.

Outdoor Girl

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #758 on: September 25, 2012, 01:02:35 PM »
Dear Sassy:

I'm sorry I stepped on you.  But if you'd quit following me around like a dog and lying *right* next to me while I'm standing at the sink, it wouldn't happen.  I can manage to use the toilet and wash my hands all by my lonesome, you know.

Love,

The thing that is much heavier than you are.

(I swear, between my two cats, I own a dog.  Sassy follows me around everywhere and Peggy cleans up any food I drop on the kitchen floor.)
I have CDO.  It is like OCD but with the letters in alphabetical order, as they should be.
Ontario

peach2play

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #759 on: September 25, 2012, 01:35:22 PM »
Dear Yuki,

I know mommy just dyed her hair blue and the shower is covered in blue dye, but do not get upset with me when you don't like the way the water in the tub tastes.  I told you not to go in there.  The little paw prints through the blue dye made it look like Azrael finally got her wish and ate all the Smurfs leaving a trail of blue carnage everywhere and your look of indignation when I burst out laughing was priceless. 

Love,
The giver of the straws

greencat

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #760 on: September 25, 2012, 04:57:58 PM »
Dear Sassy:

I'm sorry I stepped on you.  But if you'd quit following me around like a dog and lying *right* next to me while I'm standing at the sink, it wouldn't happen.  I can manage to use the toilet and wash my hands all by my lonesome, you know.

Love,

The thing that is much heavier than you are.

(I swear, between my two cats, I own a dog.  Sassy follows me around everywhere and Peggy cleans up any food I drop on the kitchen floor.)


Dear Sassy,

You should actually sit on your human's feet when she stops moving like I do, because she can't step on you if you are on top of them!

Best Regards,
Moose the kitten.

peach2play

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #761 on: October 02, 2012, 11:22:02 AM »
Dear Kitten,

My clothes are hanging for a reason and are expensive so finding little claw holes in my Affliction shirts that you pulled to the ground for what ever reason does not make mommy a happy camper.  You are here by banned from the closet and will be squirted with a squirt bottle if you even go near it. 

Love,
Mom

PS finding you balanced on the 1" railing to the balcony 3 stories above the ground about gave me a heart attack so do not look at me with accusing eyes because I extended the chicken wire above the railing.  I do not want to have to take you to the vet in pieces.

Outdoor Girl

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #762 on: October 02, 2012, 11:27:10 AM »
Dear Sassy:

Yes, I know the house is open concept.  Yes, I know it is cathedral ceiling at the front of the house, with a railing on the second floor, looking down over the first floor basement.  But that railing is NOT a balance beam.  You scare the carp out of me when you treat it as one.  I really hope that whole 'cats always land on their feet' thing is true.

Dear Peggy:

Just because I made a move in the vague direction of the stairs doesn't mean that I'm going down to the basement to feed you.  In fact, even if I do go down to the basement, it doesn't mean I'm going to feed you.  I think I'm going to mess with your mind and go down the stairs more, just so you get more exercise running to the food dish.  Trust me, you can use the exercise.
I have CDO.  It is like OCD but with the letters in alphabetical order, as they should be.
Ontario

greencat

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #763 on: October 03, 2012, 12:52:59 AM »
Dear Kitten:

I am reconsidering the compromise we negotiated re: you observing me from the ledge behind the sink while I wash dishes and cook, pursuant to your actions in relocating to the sink and attempting to lick the cornbread crumbs off the bottom of the pan I just baked it in.  I may have to redefine that area as part of the counter-that-you-are-not-supposed-to-be-on again.

Love,
The nanny.

Also, for those concerned about their cats falling - typically, if a cat takes a fall of 3 feet or more, they have enough time while falling to reorient their bodies to land safely on their feet, and it takes at least a 5-story fall for them to approach their terminal velocity (the maximum speed a falling body attains before air resistance counteracts additional gravitational acceleration) - and, if they're conscious, they actually act to reduce their terminal velocity!  My extra-stupid cat came away from not one but three falls off my indoor balcony railing - two of which were onto my all-glass dinner table.  After the second fall, I put the couch under that spot instead - and after the third one, I gave her to my parents who have a one-story house.  That cat and her twin brother are definitely the dumbest cats my parents and I have collectively owned.

bluhairfreak

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #764 on: October 03, 2012, 02:42:33 PM »
Dear Cats(yes all 4 of your since I don't know the culprit)
    It's a good thing you're all cute.  One of you knocked my first and favorite doll off the wardrobe(and I have no idea how you did that) leading to a dent right above his eyebrow.    I've moved stuff around so the wardrobe no longer as room for you to jump on, but I'm still very displeased.