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Author Topic: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat  (Read 793131 times)

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guihong

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #750 on: September 05, 2012, 01:38:44 PM »
Dear Misty:

I apologize for placing a notebook and my headphones on your stool.  I have given you scritches and pets, even checked your dish.  It is not necessary to glare at me as if to say "You KNOW that is my seat!"

Love,
the hairless petting and food provider.

(she has a stool-really a broken seat that we don't have the heart to get rid of  ::)-and she is very put out if we so much as set something on it)



AnnaT

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #751 on: September 25, 2012, 12:17:41 AM »
Dear Oscar

How can you have fleas?!?!  You are an inside cat on hardwood floors and I killed five (5!) fleas on you after bathtime on the weekend!!  I am so sorry I didn't pick up on the fact sooner and its all fixed now but I repeat the question - how can you have fleas???

Love
Mum

Mental Magpie

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #752 on: September 25, 2012, 11:46:54 AM »
Dear Oscar

How can you have fleas?!?!  You are an inside cat on hardwood floors and I killed five (5!) fleas on you after bathtime on the weekend!!  I am so sorry I didn't pick up on the fact sooner and its all fixed now but I repeat the question - how can you have fleas???

Love
Mum


You probably brought them inside on your clothes  :(

Outdoor Girl

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #753 on: September 25, 2012, 12:02:35 PM »
Dear Sassy:

I'm sorry I stepped on you.  But if you'd quit following me around like a dog and lying *right* next to me while I'm standing at the sink, it wouldn't happen.  I can manage to use the toilet and wash my hands all by my lonesome, you know.

Love,

The thing that is much heavier than you are.

(I swear, between my two cats, I own a dog.  Sassy follows me around everywhere and Peggy cleans up any food I drop on the kitchen floor.)
After cleaning out my Dad's house, I have this advice:  If you haven't used it in a year, throw it out!!!!.
Ontario

peach2play

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #754 on: September 25, 2012, 12:35:22 PM »
Dear Yuki,

I know mommy just dyed her hair blue and the shower is covered in blue dye, but do not get upset with me when you don't like the way the water in the tub tastes.  I told you not to go in there.  The little paw prints through the blue dye made it look like Azrael finally got her wish and ate all the Smurfs leaving a trail of blue carnage everywhere and your look of indignation when I burst out laughing was priceless. 

Love,
The giver of the straws

greencat

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #755 on: September 25, 2012, 03:57:58 PM »
Dear Sassy:

I'm sorry I stepped on you.  But if you'd quit following me around like a dog and lying *right* next to me while I'm standing at the sink, it wouldn't happen.  I can manage to use the toilet and wash my hands all by my lonesome, you know.

Love,

The thing that is much heavier than you are.

(I swear, between my two cats, I own a dog.  Sassy follows me around everywhere and Peggy cleans up any food I drop on the kitchen floor.)


Dear Sassy,

You should actually sit on your human's feet when she stops moving like I do, because she can't step on you if you are on top of them!

Best Regards,
Moose the kitten.

peach2play

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #756 on: October 02, 2012, 10:22:02 AM »
Dear Kitten,

My clothes are hanging for a reason and are expensive so finding little claw holes in my Affliction shirts that you pulled to the ground for what ever reason does not make mommy a happy camper.  You are here by banned from the closet and will be squirted with a squirt bottle if you even go near it. 

Love,
Mom

PS finding you balanced on the 1" railing to the balcony 3 stories above the ground about gave me a heart attack so do not look at me with accusing eyes because I extended the chicken wire above the railing.  I do not want to have to take you to the vet in pieces.

Outdoor Girl

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #757 on: October 02, 2012, 10:27:10 AM »
Dear Sassy:

Yes, I know the house is open concept.  Yes, I know it is cathedral ceiling at the front of the house, with a railing on the second floor, looking down over the first floor basement.  But that railing is NOT a balance beam.  You scare the carp out of me when you treat it as one.  I really hope that whole 'cats always land on their feet' thing is true.

Dear Peggy:

Just because I made a move in the vague direction of the stairs doesn't mean that I'm going down to the basement to feed you.  In fact, even if I do go down to the basement, it doesn't mean I'm going to feed you.  I think I'm going to mess with your mind and go down the stairs more, just so you get more exercise running to the food dish.  Trust me, you can use the exercise.
After cleaning out my Dad's house, I have this advice:  If you haven't used it in a year, throw it out!!!!.
Ontario

greencat

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #758 on: October 02, 2012, 11:52:59 PM »
Dear Kitten:

I am reconsidering the compromise we negotiated re: you observing me from the ledge behind the sink while I wash dishes and cook, pursuant to your actions in relocating to the sink and attempting to lick the cornbread crumbs off the bottom of the pan I just baked it in.  I may have to redefine that area as part of the counter-that-you-are-not-supposed-to-be-on again.

Love,
The nanny.

Also, for those concerned about their cats falling - typically, if a cat takes a fall of 3 feet or more, they have enough time while falling to reorient their bodies to land safely on their feet, and it takes at least a 5-story fall for them to approach their terminal velocity (the maximum speed a falling body attains before air resistance counteracts additional gravitational acceleration) - and, if they're conscious, they actually act to reduce their terminal velocity!  My extra-stupid cat came away from not one but three falls off my indoor balcony railing - two of which were onto my all-glass dinner table.  After the second fall, I put the couch under that spot instead - and after the third one, I gave her to my parents who have a one-story house.  That cat and her twin brother are definitely the dumbest cats my parents and I have collectively owned.

bluhairfreak

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #759 on: October 03, 2012, 01:42:33 PM »
Dear Cats(yes all 4 of your since I don't know the culprit)
    It's a good thing you're all cute.  One of you knocked my first and favorite doll off the wardrobe(and I have no idea how you did that) leading to a dent right above his eyebrow.    I've moved stuff around so the wardrobe no longer as room for you to jump on, but I'm still very displeased.

StillandSilent

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #760 on: October 04, 2012, 02:56:47 PM »
Dear Lady Chesh,
That cat you like so much?  You know, your best friend that I always catch you trying to play with?  The one that lives in the dishwasher door?   Yeah, that's you.  You are flirting with your own reflection, you ding-dong.  Please stop, because people are laughing at you, and talking about you.
Mommy
PS Ditto for that cat in the toilet.

Outdoor Girl

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #761 on: October 04, 2012, 03:13:32 PM »
Dear Peggy:

I hope I'm forgiven for shoving you away last night.  But you see, I'd just dropped a sewing needle and I didn't want you stepping on it, or worse trying to eat it, before I found it.  I hope the lovings I gave you after I got the button sewn on my pants made up for it.

My most humble apologies,
The giver of food.
After cleaning out my Dad's house, I have this advice:  If you haven't used it in a year, throw it out!!!!.
Ontario

Midnight Kitty

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #762 on: October 04, 2012, 05:18:04 PM »
Dear Cats(yes all 4 of your since I don't know the culprit)
    It's a good thing you're all cute.  One of you knocked my first and favorite doll off the wardrobe(and I have no idea how you did that) leading to a dent right above his eyebrow.    I've moved stuff around so the wardrobe no longer as room for you to jump on, but I'm still very displeased.
Midnight used to love to lay on our dresser.  Then DH made the top of the dresser into a sort of memorial to his father, putting all our family pictures on the dresser top and the wall behind it.  He thought he could tell Midnight not to jump on top of the dresser.  That didn't work.  Midnight still jumped up, but it was hard to get comfortable with all the framed pictures in her way, so she would lay down, then kick anything that interfered with her stretching her legs.  The first frame to bite the dust was a crystal frame with our wedding picture.  It wasn't the last frame to be broken when Midnight kicked it off the dresser.

Midnight died December 2, 2011.  We had her cremated.  The little box with her ashes is on the dresser in her favorite place.  I told DH to put her ashes there because she always wanted to rest there and she can't kick any more pictures off the dresser, so she can stay there forever.
"The first rule is to keep an untroubled spirit.  The second is to look things in the face and know them for what they are."

Marcus Aurelius

Snooks

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #763 on: October 05, 2012, 10:59:37 AM »
Dear Boy Cat

I know it was confusing to see me outside of the house but did you really have to keep shouting at me as I was talking to the nice man who'd come to collect the car?  And honestly, walking over both the cars (DH's and the replacement car) was not appreciated, it made you look like a very naughty kitten and made me look like a bad owner.  While we're on the subject, why were you shouting?  It certainly wasn't because you wanted me to open the door because you refused to come in when I went back inside.

Yours in confusion

The Doorwoman

Ms_Cellany

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #764 on: October 05, 2012, 11:39:54 AM »
Dear Bug,

There's no food in there.



Love,
The Big Pink Thing
Bingle bongle dingle dangle yickity-do yickity-dah ping-pong lippy-toppy too tah.