S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat

[JadeAngel]

Dear Gizmo,

I'm glad that you've accepted the 'bad man' being in the house and come out from behind the couch, but going to the other extreme really wasn't necessary. He likes you of course, happy to give you a pat or a cuddle, but spending the entire night trying to leap into his lap (especially when I am already occupying it) and sulking loudly when you're put on the floor is very offputting for both of us.

Please to be toning it down just a little.

Thanks

[greencat]

Dear Moose,

I would never have taken you over to my now-ex's place to visit if I'd known you were going to pick up so many annoying habits from his cat.  My hair is clean and brushed and does not need to be groomed, thank you very much, nor do I need a second bath from your tongue after I get out of the shower.  I most especially do not need my head clawed and hair pulled and toes chewed on during your efforts to see to my personal hygiene.

Love,
The nanny.

[Nikko-chan]

Dear Pumpkin,

You are so cute. Yes, I know you are. So tiny too. But that does not mean that you have the right to place your baby kitten paws on my face and then chomp on my glasses. Seriously Pumpkin? I'm not even your foster mommy!

Your (seriously peeved) paw and chin cleaner.

[greencat]

Dear Pumpkin,

You are so cute. Yes, I know you are. So tiny too. But that does not mean that you have the right to place your baby kitten paws on my face and then chomp on my glasses. Seriously Pumpkin? I'm not even your foster mommy!

Your (seriously peeved) paw and chin cleaner.

Dear Pumpkin,

Humans find it even more annoying when you steal their glasses than when you chew on them - whether you take them from their nightstand or right off their faces.

Love,
Moose the Kitten

[Nikko-chan]

Dear Moose,

Thank you for the suggestion. I will try that when I am a little bigger and older. I'm not even eight weeks yet! I am still too little, and I think Auntie's glasses are bigger than me!

Sincerly,
Your Friend,

Pumpkin the Kitten

P.S. Auntie told me I only needed one, either Sincerly or Your Friend, but I like it with both. And she told me I spelled sincerly wrong. What does she expect? I'm only a baby!

[MerryCat]

Dear Pumpkin,

You are so cute. Yes, I know you are. So tiny too. But that does not mean that you have the right to place your baby kitten paws on my face and then chomp on my glasses. Seriously Pumpkin? I'm not even your foster mommy!

Your (seriously peeved) paw and chin cleaner.

Dear Pumpkin,

Humans find it even more annoying when you steal their glasses than when you chew on them - whether you take them from their nightstand or right off their faces.

Love,
Moose the Kitten

Dear Pumpkin and Moose,

The second most annoying thing you can do to them is to climb up on to the bed-side table at night and hork all over everything, including the glasses. The most annoying is if you can manage to do in on their pillow - while they're sleeping on it.

Best wishes,

Cassie Cat

[AlephReish]

Dear Pumpkin and Moose and Cassie,
     I've discovered an EVEN MORE annoying thing! Horking into your person's ear while they're sleeping. It's so funny to watch them wake up and realize that they can't straighten out their head without getting everything yucked up.

Always,
Dorsey Cat

[greencat]

Dear Pumpkin and Moose and Cassie,
     I've discovered an EVEN MORE annoying thing! Horking into your person's ear while they're sleeping. It's so funny to watch them wake up and realize that they can't straighten out their head without getting everything yucked up.

Always,
Dorsey Cat

Dear Dorsey Cat,
You belong in the gross-out thread
Love,
The humans.  All of them.

[Amara]

Dear Pumpkin and Moose, Cassie, and Dorsey Cat:

All those are good, thank you for the suggestions. We plan to add them to our arsenal soon. We would like to point out--actually, this is Aprodite's specialty--that the ultimate in annoying behaviors is to dump on the comforter. The human will freak out. (Trust me, there is no other description for it.) If your human has a $150 "dry clean only" comforter, that's good. But a cheap one will do as well. Bonus points if it's a king or California king size that won't fit in the washer.

Best regards,

Amara, Athena, Aphrodite

[greencat]

Dear Moose,

You do not meet the height and weight requirements to assist me in giving the dog a bath, given that you are approximately the same size as his head.

Furthermore, your attempts to both hang off the shower hose and swat the dog while I was performing his ablutions were cute, but met with the logical result that you got very, very wet...and yet, you came back and did it again a minute later!

I'm beginning to worry about your learning capabilities.

Love,
The nanny.

[Snooks]

Dear Cat

When you see me outside of the house I am not lost.  It was very sweet of you to alert me that you had found me by yowling and leading me to the front door, unfortunately I was actually going out so there was no need for you to take me to the front door, especially as you disappeared into a bush as soon as I opened the door.

Love
Snooks

[LadyJaneinMD]

Dear Cat

When you see me outside of the house I am not lost.  It was very sweet of you to alert me that you had found me by yowling and leading me to the front door, unfortunately I was actually going out so there was no need for you to take me to the front door, especially as you disappeared into a bush as soon as I opened the door.

Love
Snooks

Oh that's so sweet!! 

[snowfire]

Tyra kitty,
The doorbell is not a cat electroshock device and you adore DH.  DH will not eat you, my friend will not eat you.  It was not nice to launch up and over DH's shoulder when the doorbell rang.  DH does not like having toenail gouges on his chest and back.

Please chill out and relax, sweetie.

Love,
Mom

[stargazer]

Dear Smokey,

The kittens on the computer screen are real, but no, you cannot get to them no matter how much you stare at them and how gently you paw at the screen.  I know your dad has been talking about getting another kitten a lot but these are not the kittens you have been looking for.

[Mental Magpie]

Dear Smokey,

The kittens on the computer screen are real, but no, you cannot get to them no matter how much you stare at them and how gently you paw at the screen.  I know your dad has been talking about getting another kitten a lot but these are not the kittens you have been looking for.

I see what you did there.