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Author Topic: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat  (Read 676288 times)

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AlephReish

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #780 on: October 08, 2012, 07:50:09 PM »
Dear Pumpkin and Moose and Cassie,
     I've discovered an EVEN MORE annoying thing! Horking into your person's ear while they're sleeping. It's so funny to watch them wake up and realize that they can't straighten out their head without getting everything yucked up.

Always,
Dorsey Cat

greencat

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #781 on: October 08, 2012, 07:56:17 PM »
Dear Pumpkin and Moose and Cassie,
     I've discovered an EVEN MORE annoying thing! Horking into your person's ear while they're sleeping. It's so funny to watch them wake up and realize that they can't straighten out their head without getting everything yucked up.

Always,
Dorsey Cat

Dear Dorsey Cat,
You belong in the gross-out thread
Love,
The humans.  All of them.

Amara

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #782 on: October 08, 2012, 09:16:15 PM »
Dear Pumpkin and Moose, Cassie, and Dorsey Cat:

All those are good, thank you for the suggestions. We plan to add them to our arsenal soon. We would like to point out--actually, this is Aprodite's specialty--that the ultimate in annoying behaviors is to dump on the comforter. The human will freak out. (Trust me, there is no other description for it.) If your human has a $150 "dry clean only" comforter, that's good. But a cheap one will do as well. Bonus points if it's a king or California king size that won't fit in the washer.

Best regards,

Amara, Athena, Aphrodite

greencat

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #783 on: October 08, 2012, 10:47:30 PM »
Dear Moose,

You do not meet the height and weight requirements to assist me in giving the dog a bath, given that you are approximately the same size as his head.

Furthermore, your attempts to both hang off the shower hose and swat the dog while I was performing his ablutions were cute, but met with the logical result that you got very, very wet...and yet, you came back and did it again a minute later!

I'm beginning to worry about your learning capabilities.

Love,
The nanny.

Snooks

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #784 on: October 12, 2012, 06:54:56 AM »
Dear Cat

When you see me outside of the house I am not lost.  It was very sweet of you to alert me that you had found me by yowling and leading me to the front door, unfortunately I was actually going out so there was no need for you to take me to the front door, especially as you disappeared into a bush as soon as I opened the door.

Love
Snooks

snowfire

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #785 on: October 18, 2012, 06:37:14 PM »
Tyra kitty,
The doorbell is not a cat electroshock device and you adore DH.  DH will not eat you, my friend will not eat you.  It was not nice to launch up and over DH's shoulder when the doorbell rang.  DH does not like having toenail gouges on his chest and back.

Please chill out and relax, sweetie.

Love,
Mom

stargazer

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #786 on: October 18, 2012, 09:43:32 PM »
Dear Smokey,

The kittens on the computer screen are real, but no, you cannot get to them no matter how much you stare at them and how gently you paw at the screen.  I know your dad has been talking about getting another kitten a lot but these are not the kittens you have been looking for.

Mental Magpie

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #787 on: October 18, 2012, 10:26:00 PM »
Dear Smokey,

The kittens on the computer screen are real, but no, you cannot get to them no matter how much you stare at them and how gently you paw at the screen.  I know your dad has been talking about getting another kitten a lot but these are not the kittens you have been looking for.

I see what you did there.

blue2000

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #788 on: October 19, 2012, 05:54:39 AM »
Dear Pris,

You are an adorable kitty, and most of the time too smart for your own good. But what the heck is with the attitude over your food?? It is your favourite. And yet every morning without fail you sneak up to it and sniff it first like I'm trying to poison you. Relax already! ::)

Love,
Mama, Kitty Couch, and Giver of Treats
You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.

Snooks

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #789 on: October 19, 2012, 06:01:10 AM »
Dear Pris,

You are an adorable kitty, and most of the time too smart for your own good. But what the heck is with the attitude over your food?? It is your favourite. And yet every morning without fail you sneak up to it and sniff it first like I'm trying to poison you. Relax already! ::)

Love,
Mama, Kitty Couch, and Giver of Treats

Dear Mama

You are right.  I am smart, there's no way I'm letting my guard down.  I've got my eye on you.

Love
Pris

Venus193

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #790 on: October 19, 2012, 07:51:15 AM »
Dear Figaro,

Why are you still nocturnal?  You don't need to hunt, you have a soft bed to sleep on, and a mum who adores you and who also needs her sleep.

However, I'm glad you were willing to meet my friends.  You now have a new uncle and aunt who think you're gorgeous.

Love, Mum, The Provider of Catnip





finecabernet

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #791 on: October 19, 2012, 09:10:52 AM »
Dear Miranda,

I know you are still suffering from some kitty PTSD from your days as a street cat, but it is not necessary to follow me into the kitchen every time I walk in there and beg me for food. Especially after you've just eaten. And while your food dishes are full. Don't worry, you'll never go hungry again. It is also not necessary to taste test every single thing I eat. I prepare everything so I know each snack is safe.

Also, I love when you sleep with me at night, but please stop dive bombing on my chest at full force. You are no longer a kitten, and having your 8-pound cat running and jumping while your human is trying to read is distressing. And while we're at it, stop trying to knock the computer out of my hands. That thing is expensive!

Love, your human

atirial

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #792 on: October 25, 2012, 04:26:22 PM »
Dear Stephen,

I know you like butter. I know you love adore and worship buttercream. I know when I bake you meow at my feet for it. I know I should not have turned my back for a moment, even when I'd finished.

But how did you manage to fit your head in that bowl?

Detecting the remains before it went into the wash was a nice trick, since I could have sworn there wasn't a cat in the room a second ago. Licking it until it shone was disturbing. And no, this is not now the "Stephen bowl of buttercream", so stop begging for a refill.

Please don't be sick.

Your loving chef.

AnnaT

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #793 on: October 25, 2012, 06:59:28 PM »
Dear Oscar

I am very proud of you for fighting the monster cockroach last night, for over an hour, at 2am until I figured out what in heck you were doing and disposed of the problem.  Sorry to disappoint but the bug man is coming on Monday.

Love
Mum 

greencat

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #794 on: November 03, 2012, 10:37:33 PM »
Dear Tribble, Princess, Moose, and Mama,

Please stop plotting to kill me.  I haven't been home much lately, but I promise I still love you and you don't need to push stuff off the high shelves onto my head.

Love,
Your slightly paranoid provider of food and petting.