S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat

[Delia DeLyons]

Dearest Lucy~

I love when you curl up under my arm and look up at me.. Extending your little paw to pat my chin so sweetly. It makes me wonder if you will be angry with me if I bring the kitty boy I saw at the shelter (and applied for) home this week... It has been just us for a while now... I wonder if you remember when you had another kitty boy roommate and friend..

I promise extra scritches every step of the way if/when you are a star feline citizen/welcoming committee memeber!

Your friend ~ Delia

[DistantStar]

Dear Sapphire,

First...please, please, please don't have the big C.  I will know probably for sure next week, but please please please don't.  The growth on your neck is going to go on Friday and I want that to be the end of this.  Please.

And if you are going to run under the bed when I am trying to pick you up to put you in your carrier, do yourself a favor and go under the middle of the bed to make it actually difficult to catch you.  If you lurk at the foot where you are right there when I yank up the blankets and don't even move when I kneel and grab the scuff of your neck, it's your own silly fault. 

(I know that's kind of serious for this thread, but the bed bit cracked me the heck up.)

[rashea]

Dear Psy,

The door did too have to go on the house, it's getting cold. I'll put a cat door in soon. Until then, it should take you less time to go through the door than the 17+ year old dog who can barely walk. Hurry your little butt up.

[JennJenn68]

Dear Buzz:

Please do not... um... pass gas directly into my face.  Please.  What did I do to deserve that?

Dear Deke:

They are not "bed mice".  They are my feet.  And it HURTS when you sink your teeth and claws in them--and it's even worse at 3 a.m..  No.  Just no.

Dear Mehitabel:

Can't you keep those two in line?  You're supposed to be top cat, for heaven's sake!  And it's MY bed.  You need to stop swearing at me when I have to change position because you've decided to park your humungous backside right between my legs.  Stop it now!

Love and rainbows,
She Who Needs To Get More Sleep

[JennJenn68]

Dear Buzz Brain-Dead and Deke Dum-Dum:

It's an advent calendar, and I'm getting real tired of rehanging the teensy weensy ornaments back up when the two of you decide to knock the whole flippin' thing over.  Just stop.  There's a whole basket of toys in easy reach.  Why must you attack the advent calendar?  What heinous crime did it commit?  And no, you can't have the Smarties!

Dear Mehitabel:

Get out of my pajama drawer!  There's white hair all over my dark PJs and dark hair on my light ones.  You're the only one who is multicoloured enough to be able to pull off that particular operation, although how the heck you manage to get into that drawer in the first place is beyond me.  You already have a very comfy bed.  Why must you disarrange my drawers?

Love (perhaps)
She Who Is Not Amused

[mmswm]

Dear Max,

I'm so glad I met you and was able to bring you home, but let's get something clear.  You weigh 130lbs and you are still growing.  You really are not a lap dog.

[greencat]

Dearest Princess,

I bought a dog bed.  For the dog.  It's adorable if you share it with him, but please, don't kick him out of it.  Again.

Love,

Your long-suffering servant

[Venus193]

Dear Figaro,

I love you very much, but your tendency to run around like a wild creature in the middle of the night is dangerous for both of us.  Please stop.

And while you're at it, pocket tissue packs are not toys.  Please leave them alone.

Love,

She Who Buys You Fancy Feast

[Amava]

Dear Figaro,

I love you very much, but your tendency to run around like a wild creature in the middle of the night is dangerous for both of us.  Please stop.

And while you're at it, pocket tissue packs are not toys.  Please leave them alone.

Love,

She Who Buys You Fancy Feast

Dear Figaro,

Your Fancy Feast Buyer has a point. Pocket tissue packs don't make very good toys: for some really good tissue entertainment, I would rather recommend those big boxes of them.  When you pull the tissue out, the next appears. And then the next, and the next, and the next. It is like magic, and so much fun!
If you don't have these around the house, you should make your Fancy Feast Buyer invest in a few of them as a Christmas present for you.
If the tissues are white, you can even use them to turn the house into a Winter Wonderland!

Have a great Christmas!

Love,

Helena the Labradoozy

[misha412]

Dear furry hissy monsters (aka Renji and Rukia),

Do not land on my head when you two are playing. My food is my food, not yours. Stop getting all the attention from mom and dad. I was here first.

Not sure I love you,

Dagan, the top doggie

[mmswm]

Dear Max,

I'm so thrilled to discover that you like fried egg sandwiches for breakfast as much as I do!

Love,
Your new short order cook.

[blue2000]

Dear Mikey,

You are a mooch. A ridiculous mooch. I realise this is partly my fault for ever giving you the idea that people food is good, but still - it does you no good to beg and suck up to Mama when I have no food. It just makes you look silly.

Your adoring mama.

[RebeccainGA]

Dear Schroder - I know that OtherParent has been not feeling well lately. I know that I'm the keeper of the knowledge of how to open the refrigerator. That does NOT mean that every time OtherParent says "I think I'd like...." you get to jump on my feet and start whining, before OtherParent even decides what she'd like. Your urgency doesn't translate to me. So sorry - a lack of fruit punch isn't justification for that either.

---She who occasionally finds a hot dog with your name on it

[ladyknight1]

Dear Harley,

I love you. You are my favorite child, don't tell the human that. However, shouldn't you cover up your business in the litter box? Have you lost your natural instincts? I know Daddy has tried to teach you to cover it up, and you forget after a day.

Also, why do you sit in the middle of the bed and wipe your eyes so mommy gets hit in the eye with kitty eye snot? It grosses me out.

Love,
Mommy

Dear Mischief,

I get that you are scared of everything, but why do you lay in the bookshelf on top of the books and magazines? They are getting squashed under your significant weight.

Fondly,
Mommy

Dear Aragorn (our budgie),

I know you like to freak Daddy out by clucking at your water dish. Why are you using the blind cord to hammer against your water dish? While clucking? Also, why do you keep feeding your water dish? It is not going to grow.

Fondly,
Mommy

[MerryCat]

Dear Cassie,

That crazy yowly-kneady-crying thing you do to my blankets is weird at the best of times. Doing it at 3 am in the morning and growling when I ask you - very politely - to cut it out is not acceptable. If this keeps up we're going to lock you out of the bedroom where there's no one to protect you from the Big Bad Kitten.

Your loving but frazzled Mom.