S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat

[Amava]

Dear Figaro,

I love you very much, but your tendency to run around like a wild creature in the middle of the night is dangerous for both of us.  Please stop.

And while you're at it, pocket tissue packs are not toys.  Please leave them alone.

Love,

She Who Buys You Fancy Feast

Dear Figaro,

Your Fancy Feast Buyer has a point. Pocket tissue packs don't make very good toys: for some really good tissue entertainment, I would rather recommend those big boxes of them.  When you pull the tissue out, the next appears. And then the next, and the next, and the next. It is like magic, and so much fun!
If you don't have these around the house, you should make your Fancy Feast Buyer invest in a few of them as a Christmas present for you.
If the tissues are white, you can even use them to turn the house into a Winter Wonderland!

Have a great Christmas!

Love,

Helena the Labradoozy

[misha412]

Dear furry hissy monsters (aka Renji and Rukia),

Do not land on my head when you two are playing. My food is my food, not yours. Stop getting all the attention from mom and dad. I was here first.

Not sure I love you,

Dagan, the top doggie

[mmswm]

Dear Max,

I'm so thrilled to discover that you like fried egg sandwiches for breakfast as much as I do!

Love,
Your new short order cook.

[blue2000]

Dear Mikey,

You are a mooch. A ridiculous mooch. I realise this is partly my fault for ever giving you the idea that people food is good, but still - it does you no good to beg and suck up to Mama when I have no food. It just makes you look silly.

Your adoring mama.

[RebeccainGA]

Dear Schroder - I know that OtherParent has been not feeling well lately. I know that I'm the keeper of the knowledge of how to open the refrigerator. That does NOT mean that every time OtherParent says "I think I'd like...." you get to jump on my feet and start whining, before OtherParent even decides what she'd like. Your urgency doesn't translate to me. So sorry - a lack of fruit punch isn't justification for that either.

---She who occasionally finds a hot dog with your name on it

[ladyknight1]

Dear Harley,

I love you. You are my favorite child, don't tell the human that. However, shouldn't you cover up your business in the litter box? Have you lost your natural instincts? I know Daddy has tried to teach you to cover it up, and you forget after a day.

Also, why do you sit in the middle of the bed and wipe your eyes so mommy gets hit in the eye with kitty eye snot? It grosses me out.

Love,
Mommy

Dear Mischief,

I get that you are scared of everything, but why do you lay in the bookshelf on top of the books and magazines? They are getting squashed under your significant weight.

Fondly,
Mommy

Dear Aragorn (our budgie),

I know you like to freak Daddy out by clucking at your water dish. Why are you using the blind cord to hammer against your water dish? While clucking? Also, why do you keep feeding your water dish? It is not going to grow.

Fondly,
Mommy

[MerryCat]

Dear Cassie,

That crazy yowly-kneady-crying thing you do to my blankets is weird at the best of times. Doing it at 3 am in the morning and growling when I ask you - very politely - to cut it out is not acceptable. If this keeps up we're going to lock you out of the bedroom where there's no one to protect you from the Big Bad Kitten.

Your loving but frazzled Mom.

[AlephReish]

Darling sweet love-of-my-life Dizzy-
   I gave you the tuna juice. You got your very own plate of goodness, since Dorsey doesn't care for it. Why, oh why, did you think it was okay to stick your face in my tuna salad and start eating that, not five minutes after I gave you the tuna juice? And what is with the recent obsession with bread, brownies and pizza crusts? You get fed. Regularly. And well. So quit it!

Sincerely,
Your loving person.

[ladyknight1]

Dear Mischief,

I know you are fascinated by the artificial tree, but why are you eating it? The evidence is in your litter box deposits. And why are you eating coins? We found a nickel and a penny in your deposits. They went to the garbage, I was too grossed out to remove them.

Signed,
The Food Provider

[Venus193]

Ladyknight, this would scare the living daylights out of me.

[ladyknight1]

If it happens again, we will schedule an emergency vet trip. I think the excitement of Christmas is to blame.

[blue2000]

If it happens again, we will schedule an emergency vet trip. I think the excitement of Christmas is to blame.

I wouldn't worry about the tree so much - my cat Mikey was a fiend for plastic garland when he was younger, and it never seemed to hurt him (the big mystery is where he kept finding it, because I stopped putting any out!). I think the pennies may be more of a problem.

[greencat]

Kitties are just as susceptible to "Oooo!  Shiny!" as the rest of us.  I personally have had to ban styrofoam from my home, because one of my cats has a pica-thing for it.  She also ate part of a mattress once.


That being said:

Dear cats:
I'm pretty sure you are not supposed to be showing signs of pack behavior like this.  Ganging up on the neighbor's cat when he came for a visit was not appropriate! 
Love, the actual owner of the shelter-building.

[PastryGoddess]

Dear Gretchen

You are not the boss of me!  Meowing at the top of your lungs while I'm on the phone with clients will not get you cuddles and brushes.  And stop sitting on your sister's head when you want her to move. That just gets her more cuddles with mama while you sit at my feet.

[Ms_Cellany]

Dear Boojum,

Knock it off.

Love,
We who hung the ornaments that way on purpose.