S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat

[blue2000]

MMSWM:  This is the cat version of this thread The dog thread is...somewhere else.  I fail at search on here.

Here's the link: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=67534.msg1581405#msg1581405

Ooops, now I feel sheepish 

I obviously misread the title of the thread.  I thought it meant "Dear dog...Dear Cat", and was a spin off of some other thread entirely. Now I'll go take my embarrassed self into a corner. 

Nah, just go post lots of dog "letters."      It looks like no one has posted for a while, and we cat people can't have all the fun. 

Yeah, cute dog posts are always a good idea!!

[peach2play]

Dear Yuki,

I swear by all that is holy you will make a cute little white New Years muff if you don't leave my bamboo bird cage alone.  I know you are only a year old and full Siamese but, it's like I tell you every day, not everything is for kitten.  Do not give me the hurt/indignant look when you get a face full of water.  It is for your own good.  I'm very sorry you got stuck behind the couch.  That will teach you to bite your brother's tail.  I know it seems like he's a lover, not a fighter, but he doesn't like it when you bite him.  He also outweighs you by 10 lbs so try not to piss him off.  I was laughing too hard to get a decent picture of him sitting on you. 

Dear Midnight,

Yes, I know you want to go outside and don't care about the white stuff on the ground, but Mommy hasn't fixed the dog door to your pen and it lets in large amounts of very cold air right by Mommy's desk.  You'll have to wait until I can figure out a way to seal the dog door with out you getting stuck outside which is what happened over the summer.  Mommy doesn't have a fur coat and would rather not have to wear nine layers so you can go stare at the squirrels.  They will be there when it's warmer and since you are not paying the electric bill you will just have to suffer.

Dear Shadow,

My water cup is mine and yes, I put ice in it.  You have 3 fountains and a water bowl and all of them keep the water cool and fresh.  I do not need to have to take the lid off my 52 oz cup each time you want a drink and stop looking at me like I ran over a kitten because there's ice in there and you don't like to lick the ice. 

Dear Lyoko,

Thanks for the snuggles every night.  Mommy loves them and you're learning to purr as loud a Shadow.  For only being 9 lbs you have an awesome purr.  Mommy brought you another Cuties box because that's your favorite snuggle bed.  The large Cuties boxes are for your brothers so please don't give me that look...you have your own and no, those big boxes don't fit you.  You are not 19lbs. Also, could you start eating the chicken like the rest of your siblings do?  You need the protein and the vet says it's better for you.  I know, I know, it seems like people food or hunting mice and you don't like to get your paws dirty, but Mommy wants you around for a very long time.

Love,
Your senior staff person and bringer of the chicken

[atirial]

Dear Matilda,

We thought we were over the problem of you caching food, until Daddy noticed the smell. After all, you have a fresh food, dry food, and you are not, despite your protests, starving.

The bedside table is less than three inches off the floor. How did you get your food bowl under there? And how on earth did you manage to curl up behind it? That said, the part where he edged it out and you promptly hooked a paw over the rim and started pulling it back really was adorably cute.

Regards,
Your staff.

[greencat]

Dear Matilda,

We thought we were over the problem of you caching food, until Daddy noticed the smell. After all, you have a fresh food, dry food, and you are not, despite your protests, starving.

The bedside table is less than three inches off the floor. How did you get your food bowl under there? And how on earth did you manage to curl up behind it? That said, the part where he edged it out and you promptly hooked a paw over the rim and started pulling it back really was adorably cute.

Regards,
Your staff.

Dear Staff:
We would like to remind you that we can fit into any space which is big enough to fit our heads in - three inches is a piece of cake.  Ask our mommy about having to lift entire pieces of furniture in order to extract us from underneath...
Love,
Moose, Tribble, Princess, and our predecessors.

[Dr. F.]

(There isn't a Dear Parrot thread, so I'm putting this here...)

Dear Mango,

No, there is not a purple and grey monster eating my head, it's a HAT. Shrieking, trying to bite it and flying at it are all unnecessary (and kinda painful), so stop acting like an extra in a Hitchcock film, OK?

Beak rubs,

The provider of grapes and baby carrots

[mmswm]

Oh! Oh! Oh!  I have a cat letter!!!!!

Dear Mo (one of my mother's barn cats)

You're a cat.  Why do you insist on a morning swim?  Cats aren't supposed to like water, yet you jump in the pool every morning and then occasionally need rescued when you can't find the steps in the shallow end. 

Love,
Your rescuer.

[greencat]

Dear Princess,
You are like having a small child.  You managed to have a temper tantrum/panic attack last night.  The kitten DOES get to have lap time.  No need to work yourself into the kind of catatonic* terror normally reserved for vet visits.  Also, you shed bad enough normally, but when you're frightened, you seem to have mistaken yourself for an octopus, because you eject a cloud of inky black fluff.

Love,
Your apparently not-so-faithful servant.

[blue2000]

Dear Mikey,

Clinging to my leg with desperate paws until I give you treats is not good. Yes, I laughed, but it is seriously embarrassing for both of us. Please cut it out.

And BTW, don't get any ideas about feline octopi from Princess. The tentacle paws are bad enough. Screaming and shedding is only going to make me rethink giving you treats at all.

Your loving mama.

[greencat]

Dear Mikey,

Clinging to my leg with desperate paws until I give you treats is not good. Yes, I laughed, but it is seriously embarrassing for both of us. Please cut it out.

And BTW, don't get any ideas about feline octopi from Princess. The tentacle paws are bad enough. Screaming and shedding is only going to make me rethink giving you treats at all.

Your loving mama.

The Princess comes complete with bonus "sandspur" feature - somehow, no matter how you position her, she manages to have at least one pointy end sticking into your skin. 

However, the kitten (Moose) is the leg-clinger in my house.  He doesn't even want treats - just attention!

[JadeAngel]

Dear Gizmo,

It is 40 degrees celsius outside (approx. 104 degrees fahrenheit). I love you dearly but this is one time when I do not want a fat furry kitty sitting on any part of me for obvious reasons (well they're obvious to me anyway).

Please stop pouting and just curl up in the nice patch of sunshine on the stairs and recharge your solar panels until it cools down okay?

Thank you.

[BarensMom]

Dear Tom:

Okay, we made a bed for you on our porch since you won't go home.  I give you water, wet food, and treats; I've talked to your real family and I know they're feeding you, so stop acting like you're starved every time I open the door.

While I appreciate you keeping all the other cats away from our yard, stop fighting with the orange cat.  He isn't doing you any harm and I don't like cleaning up the clumps of orange fur. 

Also, please stop shaking yourself next to my front door - I just spent 20 minutes on my hands and knees cleaning off your dirty spots.

Signed,

Not your Owner

[greencat]

Likewise,

Dear Moose,
Stop begging the neighbors for food!  You have tons of it at home.  Not that you'd know that from your behavior, considering that you happily chow down on anything placed in front of you, until your little ADHD kitty brain gets distracted with a butterfly and wanders off.

Love,
Actually your owner.

[BarensMom]

Dear Tom,

Addendum:

Please also stop fighting with the black cat, the grey and white cat, and the tuxedo cat, especially when it's 1 o'clock in the bleeping morning.  Your food bowl safely is inside, so they can't steal from you.  With all the fur flying, the front yard looks like a stuffed animal exploded.  Cut it out, for diety's sake!

Again,

Not your Owner

[Ms_Cellany]

Dear Jack,

Stop helping.



Love,
The Provider of Boxes

[bluhairfreak]

Dear Patch
  How is it that Rocky the 17lb behemoth can jump softly into my lap for snuggles and yet skinny 10lb you land like a bomb went off?