Author Topic: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat  (Read 199553 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

greencat

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2667
Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #840 on: January 02, 2013, 08:12:12 PM »
Dear Matilda,

We thought we were over the problem of you caching food, until Daddy noticed the smell. After all, you have a fresh food, dry food, and you are not, despite your protests, starving.

The bedside table is less than three inches off the floor. How did you get your food bowl under there? And how on earth did you manage to curl up behind it? That said, the part where he edged it out and you promptly hooked a paw over the rim and started pulling it back really was adorably cute.

Regards,
Your staff.

Dear Staff:
We would like to remind you that we can fit into any space which is big enough to fit our heads in - three inches is a piece of cake.  Ask our mommy about having to lift entire pieces of furniture in order to extract us from underneath...
Love,
Moose, Tribble, Princess, and our predecessors.

Dr. F.

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 944
Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #841 on: January 03, 2013, 10:14:48 AM »
(There isn't a Dear Parrot thread, so I'm putting this here...)

Dear Mango,

No, there is not a purple and grey monster eating my head, it's a HAT. Shrieking, trying to bite it and flying at it are all unnecessary (and kinda painful), so stop acting like an extra in a Hitchcock film, OK?

Beak rubs,

The provider of grapes and baby carrots

mmswm

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2362
Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #842 on: January 03, 2013, 10:17:10 AM »
Oh! Oh! Oh!  I have a cat letter!!!!!

Dear Mo (one of my mother's barn cats)

You're a cat.  Why do you insist on a morning swim?  Cats aren't supposed to like water, yet you jump in the pool every morning and then occasionally need rescued when you can't find the steps in the shallow end. 

Love,
Your rescuer.
Some people lift weights.  I lift measures.  It's a far more esoteric workout. - (Quoted from a personal friend)

greencat

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2667
Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #843 on: January 03, 2013, 01:05:36 PM »
Dear Princess,
You are like having a small child.  You managed to have a temper tantrum/panic attack last night.  The kitten DOES get to have lap time.  No need to work yourself into the kind of catatonic* terror normally reserved for vet visits.  Also, you shed bad enough normally, but when you're frightened, you seem to have mistaken yourself for an octopus, because you eject a cloud of inky black fluff.

Love,
Your apparently not-so-faithful servant.

blue2000

  • It is never too late to be what you might have been
  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6864
  • Two kitties - No waiting. And no sleeping either.
Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #844 on: January 03, 2013, 09:45:34 PM »
Dear Mikey,

Clinging to my leg with desperate paws until I give you treats is not good. Yes, I laughed, but it is seriously embarrassing for both of us. Please cut it out.

And BTW, don't get any ideas about feline octopi from Princess. The tentacle paws are bad enough. Screaming and shedding is only going to make me rethink giving you treats at all.

Your loving mama.
You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.

greencat

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2667
Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #845 on: January 04, 2013, 12:29:43 AM »
Dear Mikey,

Clinging to my leg with desperate paws until I give you treats is not good. Yes, I laughed, but it is seriously embarrassing for both of us. Please cut it out.

And BTW, don't get any ideas about feline octopi from Princess. The tentacle paws are bad enough. Screaming and shedding is only going to make me rethink giving you treats at all.

Your loving mama.

The Princess comes complete with bonus "sandspur" feature - somehow, no matter how you position her, she manages to have at least one pointy end sticking into your skin. 

However, the kitten (Moose) is the leg-clinger in my house.  He doesn't even want treats - just attention!

JadeAngel

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 989
Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #846 on: January 04, 2013, 12:39:28 AM »
Dear Gizmo,

It is 40 degrees celsius outside (approx. 104 degrees fahrenheit). I love you dearly but this is one time when I do not want a fat furry kitty sitting on any part of me for obvious reasons (well they're obvious to me anyway).

Please stop pouting and just curl up in the nice patch of sunshine on the stairs and recharge your solar panels until it cools down okay?

Thank you.

BarensMom

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2645
Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #847 on: January 04, 2013, 01:20:09 PM »
Dear Tom:

Okay, we made a bed for you on our porch since you won't go home.  I give you water, wet food, and treats; I've talked to your real family and I know they're feeding you, so stop acting like you're starved every time I open the door.

While I appreciate you keeping all the other cats away from our yard, stop fighting with the orange cat.  He isn't doing you any harm and I don't like cleaning up the clumps of orange fur. 

Also, please stop shaking yourself next to my front door - I just spent 20 minutes on my hands and knees cleaning off your dirty spots.

Signed,

Not your Owner




greencat

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2667
Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #848 on: January 04, 2013, 02:18:56 PM »
Likewise,

Dear Moose,
Stop begging the neighbors for food!  You have tons of it at home.  Not that you'd know that from your behavior, considering that you happily chow down on anything placed in front of you, until your little ADHD kitty brain gets distracted with a butterfly and wanders off.

Love,
Actually your owner.

BarensMom

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2645
Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #849 on: January 07, 2013, 12:24:18 PM »
Dear Tom,

Addendum:

Please also stop fighting with the black cat, the grey and white cat, and the tuxedo cat, especially when it's 1 o'clock in the bleeping morning.  Your food bowl safely is inside, so they can't steal from you.  With all the fur flying, the front yard looks like a stuffed animal exploded.  Cut it out, for diety's sake!

Again,

Not your Owner


Ms_Cellany

  • The Queen of Squee
  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5926
  • Big white goggie? No. Hasn't seen him.
Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #850 on: January 07, 2013, 12:28:36 PM »
Dear Jack,

Stop helping.



Love,
The Provider of Boxes
Using a chainsaw is as close as we come to having a lightsaber in this life.

bluhairfreak

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 429
Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #851 on: January 08, 2013, 12:18:47 PM »
Dear Patch
  How is it that Rocky the 17lb behemoth can jump softly into my lap for snuggles and yet skinny 10lb you land like a bomb went off? 

mmswm

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2362
Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #852 on: January 08, 2013, 02:17:25 PM »
Dear Tigger, Scout and Mo,

You are working cats.  Your job is to keep pesky critters out of the house.  We appreciate the good job you do when it comes to mice, rats and small iguanas, however, you need to do a better job with reptiles.  I never, ever want to have to trap a snake again.

Love,

Your provider of ear scritches and food.
Some people lift weights.  I lift measures.  It's a far more esoteric workout. - (Quoted from a personal friend)

Outdoor Girl

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 14254
Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #853 on: January 08, 2013, 02:56:02 PM »
Dear Peggy:

I know you got overfed while I was away over Christmas.  I promise I will feed you twice a day, like always.  You don't need to scarf all the food down the second it hits the bowl.

Dear Sassy:

If you can't be nice, leave Peggy alone!  I'm tired of picking up large tufts of fur.

The one with the food and the broom
I have CDO.  It is like OCD but with the letters in alphabetical order, as they should be.
Ontario

Shoo

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 16393
Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #854 on: January 08, 2013, 03:03:31 PM »
Dear Sissy Cat (aka Buddy),

You are a masterful pianist, but we may need to get you a booster chair.