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Author Topic: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat  (Read 795327 times)

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HenrysMom

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #840 on: January 04, 2013, 12:20:09 PM »
Dear Tom:

Okay, we made a bed for you on our porch since you won't go home.  I give you water, wet food, and treats; I've talked to your real family and I know they're feeding you, so stop acting like you're starved every time I open the door.

While I appreciate you keeping all the other cats away from our yard, stop fighting with the orange cat.  He isn't doing you any harm and I don't like cleaning up the clumps of orange fur. 

Also, please stop shaking yourself next to my front door - I just spent 20 minutes on my hands and knees cleaning off your dirty spots.

Signed,

Not your Owner




greencat

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #841 on: January 04, 2013, 01:18:56 PM »
Likewise,

Dear Moose,
Stop begging the neighbors for food!  You have tons of it at home.  Not that you'd know that from your behavior, considering that you happily chow down on anything placed in front of you, until your little ADHD kitty brain gets distracted with a butterfly and wanders off.

Love,
Actually your owner.

HenrysMom

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #842 on: January 07, 2013, 11:24:18 AM »
Dear Tom,

Addendum:

Please also stop fighting with the black cat, the grey and white cat, and the tuxedo cat, especially when it's 1 o'clock in the bleeping morning.  Your food bowl safely is inside, so they can't steal from you.  With all the fur flying, the front yard looks like a stuffed animal exploded.  Cut it out, for diety's sake!

Again,

Not your Owner


Ms_Cellany

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #843 on: January 07, 2013, 11:28:36 AM »
Dear Jack,

Stop helping.



Love,
The Provider of Boxes
Bingle bongle dingle dangle yickity-do yickity-dah ping-pong lippy-toppy too tah.

bluhairfreak

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #844 on: January 08, 2013, 11:18:47 AM »
Dear Patch
  How is it that Rocky the 17lb behemoth can jump softly into my lap for snuggles and yet skinny 10lb you land like a bomb went off? 

mmswm

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #845 on: January 08, 2013, 01:17:25 PM »
Dear Tigger, Scout and Mo,

You are working cats.  Your job is to keep pesky critters out of the house.  We appreciate the good job you do when it comes to mice, rats and small iguanas, however, you need to do a better job with reptiles.  I never, ever want to have to trap a snake again.

Love,

Your provider of ear scritches and food.
Some people lift weights.  I lift measures.  It's a far more esoteric workout. - (Quoted from a personal friend)

Outdoor Girl

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #846 on: January 08, 2013, 01:56:02 PM »
Dear Peggy:

I know you got overfed while I was away over Christmas.  I promise I will feed you twice a day, like always.  You don't need to scarf all the food down the second it hits the bowl.

Dear Sassy:

If you can't be nice, leave Peggy alone!  I'm tired of picking up large tufts of fur.

The one with the food and the broom
After cleaning out my Dad's house, I have this advice:  If you haven't used it in a year, throw it out!!!!.
Ontario

Shoo

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #847 on: January 08, 2013, 02:03:31 PM »
Dear Sissy Cat (aka Buddy),

You are a masterful pianist, but we may need to get you a booster chair.



Tea Drinker

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #848 on: January 08, 2013, 03:48:02 PM »
Dear Julian,

I know you want me to make tea so you can have a drop of cream, but don't try to stand on the stove to watch the kettle boil.
Any advice that requires the use of a time machine may safely be ignored.

Silversurfer

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #849 on: January 08, 2013, 05:55:38 PM »
Dear Yoshi,
Please dont ever use the back of my head as a springboard when you jump of the bathroom windowsill while i am cleaning my teeth again. Ever.

Grumpy owner.

Outdoor Girl

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #850 on: January 10, 2013, 10:25:57 AM »
Dear Sassy:

Thank you so much for not scratching at my door and yowling last night.  I'm sure putting the spray bottle of water in front of the door last night had nothing to do with it.

Signed,
The Intimidator, who got her first decent night's sleep in weeks.
After cleaning out my Dad's house, I have this advice:  If you haven't used it in a year, throw it out!!!!.
Ontario

Cutenoob

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #851 on: January 10, 2013, 07:25:04 PM »
Dear Ivory:
I'm so glad that you snuggle with me. Your fur is so so soft and clean. But you are taking my best pillow. Cease and desist.
I promise I'll give you this pillow when I get my new one.

Love,
Pillow Supply Unit

snowfire

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #852 on: January 10, 2013, 08:28:09 PM »
Dear Smudge,

You had already been out this morning, you knew it was cold and snowing.  I wanted you to stay inside and warm while I was gone for a couple of hours.  Why did you persist in darting out and refusing to be caught?  It's not my fault that you were freezing your little kitty butt off when I got home. Giving me the "poor little frozen kitty" look doesn't work too well.  It was YOUR idea.  (Note, she was sitting on the covered porch on the entry mat when I came home, so she was out of the weather.)

Love,
Mom

greencat

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #853 on: January 10, 2013, 11:41:04 PM »
Dear kitties,

I can generally only pick up and carry one of you at once, due to squirming/fighting.  Ergo, if you'd like some dinner, please move yourselves into the house under your own power when I open the door for you.  Kitties who remain outside run the risk of having their share of the food eaten by the dog.

Love,
The food supplier.

PastryGoddess

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #854 on: January 11, 2013, 03:41:42 AM »
Dear Gretchen,

There is only one Brush of Love.  You have to share it.  Please do not sit all 17 pounds on your sisters head when she is getting her share of love.  You have to wait your turn like everyone else.

Love,

Your Staff