S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat

[Tea Drinker]

Dear Julian,

I know you want me to make tea so you can have a drop of cream, but don't try to stand on the stove to watch the kettle boil.

[Silversurfer]

Dear Yoshi,
Please dont ever use the back of my head as a springboard when you jump of the bathroom windowsill while i am cleaning my teeth again. Ever.

Grumpy owner.

[Outdoor Girl]

Dear Sassy:

Thank you so much for not scratching at my door and yowling last night.  I'm sure putting the spray bottle of water in front of the door last night had nothing to do with it.

Signed,
The Intimidator, who got her first decent night's sleep in weeks.

[Cutenoob]

Dear Ivory:
I'm so glad that you snuggle with me. Your fur is so so soft and clean. But you are taking my best pillow. Cease and desist.
I promise I'll give you this pillow when I get my new one.

Love,
Pillow Supply Unit

[snowfire]

Dear Smudge,

You had already been out this morning, you knew it was cold and snowing.  I wanted you to stay inside and warm while I was gone for a couple of hours.  Why did you persist in darting out and refusing to be caught?  It's not my fault that you were freezing your little kitty butt off when I got home. Giving me the "poor little frozen kitty" look doesn't work too well.  It was YOUR idea.  (Note, she was sitting on the covered porch on the entry mat when I came home, so she was out of the weather.)

Love,
Mom

[greencat]

Dear kitties,

I can generally only pick up and carry one of you at once, due to squirming/fighting.  Ergo, if you'd like some dinner, please move yourselves into the house under your own power when I open the door for you.  Kitties who remain outside run the risk of having their share of the food eaten by the dog.

Love,
The food supplier.

[PastryGoddess]

Dear Gretchen,

There is only one Brush of Love.  You have to share it.  Please do not sit all 17 pounds on your sisters head when she is getting her share of love.  You have to wait your turn like everyone else.

Love,

Your Staff

[Snooks]

Dear Smudge,

You had already been out this morning, you knew it was cold and snowing.  I wanted you to stay inside and warm while I was gone for a couple of hours.  Why did you persist in darting out and refusing to be caught?  It's not my fault that you were freezing your little kitty butt off when I got home. Giving me the "poor little frozen kitty" look doesn't work too well.  It was YOUR idea.  (Note, she was sitting on the covered porch on the entry mat when I came home, so she was out of the weather.)

Love,
Mom

Mine does that, but it tends to be rain rather than snow.  I usually get met at the corner of the house (heading for the back door) with the angry "Where do you think you've been?" yowl.

[Outdoor Girl]

Dear Sassy:

When you feel the need to cough up a hairball, could you please do ALL your yaking in the same general vicinity?  Cleaning up 3 separate piles was not fun.  And maybe this should go in the gross out thread, too, because I almost added to the worst pile.   

Also, please respect the spray bottle of doom and stay away from my bedroom door at night.  It worked the first night; why didn't it work last night?

Signed,
The nauseated and sleep deprived one

[Elfmama]

Dear Willow

It is January 12th.  The Christmas tree has been up since December 8th. It is time for it to come down.  You will just have to go back sleeping under my bed. Chewing us out because we took it down will not have any effect whatsoever.

Love,
the staff

[ladyknight1]

Dear Mischief,

I am sorry you are suddenly not feeling well. I didn't realize that whistling sound was coming from you and I apologize for laughing.

The human

[geekette]

Dear Kitty #3,
I know you dislike going to the vet, but that's no excuse for using her shoulder as springboard to get to the windowsill. Its giving Kitty #2 ideas, and he's big enough that he can probably push out the flyscreen after you've pried the window open.

Love,
Human #1

[greencat]

Dear Moose,
I promise I didn't die last week.  I was just sick.  You can detach from my leg sometime soon, please.  I really cannot emphasis how much I don't need your company in and immediately after the shower, as the addition of wet cat hair to my bathing routine is counterproductive. 

Love,
Mommy.

[Midnight Kitty]

Dear Moose,
I promise I didn't die last week.  I was just sick.  You can detach from my leg sometime soon, please.  I really cannot emphasis how much I don't need your company in and immediately after the shower, as the addition of wet cat hair to my bathing routine is counterproductive. 

Love,
Mommy.

Before we lost the real Midnight Kitty, she loved to come into the bathroom right after I got out of the shower.  She liked licking my wet legs (which felt weirdly wonderful), then rubbing against them.  DH said she was adding a light dusting of cat fur to make sure any cats I met throughout the day would know that I already belonged to another cat.

[greencat]

Dear Moose,
I promise I didn't die last week.  I was just sick.  You can detach from my leg sometime soon, please.  I really cannot emphasis how much I don't need your company in and immediately after the shower, as the addition of wet cat hair to my bathing routine is counterproductive. 

Love,
Mommy.

Before we lost the real Midnight Kitty, she loved to come into the bathroom right after I got out of the shower.  She liked licking my wet legs (which felt weirdly wonderful), then rubbing against them.  DH said she was adding a light dusting of cat fur to make sure any cats I met throughout the day would know that I already belonged to another cat.

I wish Moose would stick to licking me - he also nibbles a little when I'm wet.  And that whole sentence belongs in the "Things that sound dirty but aren't" thread.