S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat

[greencat]

Dear Sassy, Sam, and Dax
I know there are 3 of you and only 1 of me.  But you have a combined weigh of about 40 lbs.  All alone I weigh more than 3 times that.  We do not each get 1/4 of the bed.  I get half.  The 3 of you get to share the other half.  Try to remember that.

Your kitties are willing to give up a whole quarter of the bed?   

[JoW]

Dear Sassy, Sam, and Dax
I know there are 3 of you and only 1 of me.  But you have a combined weigh of about 40 lbs.  All alone I weigh more than 3 times that.  We do not each get 1/4 of the bed.  I get half.  The 3 of you get to share the other half.  Try to remember that.

Your kitties are willing to give up a whole quarter of the bed?   

I woke up today at 4am to go to the bathroom.  Sassy was at the foot of the bed, Sam was at my knees, Dax was up against the spare pillow.  All 3 were on their half of the bed.  By the time I got back Dax and Sam had moved and the 3 of them were arranged in a perfect diagonal across the bed. 

[Snooks]

Dear Sassy, Sam, and Dax
I know there are 3 of you and only 1 of me.  But you have a combined weigh of about 40 lbs.  All alone I weigh more than 3 times that.  We do not each get 1/4 of the bed.  I get half.  The 3 of you get to share the other half.  Try to remember that.

Your kitties are willing to give up a whole quarter of the bed?   

I woke up today at 4am to go to the bathroom.  Sassy was at the foot of the bed, Sam was at my knees, Dax was up against the spare pillow.  All 3 were on their half of the bed.  By the time I got back Dax and Sam had moved and the 3 of them were arranged in a perfect diagonal across the bed.

If you ask them I'm sure they'll tell you that you still had half the area of the bed.  They're probably bemoaning the fact that their human must have been off school the day they did splitting shapes in half in different ways.

[snowfire]

It still amazes me that my tiny 8 pound cat can occupy more than 1/4 of a king size bed.  She'll start out at my feet, then magically keep oozing up and in until she is somewhere between my knee and hip and pushing me off the edge of the bed.

[Lynnv]

It still amazes me that my tiny 8 pound cat can occupy more than 1/4 of a king size bed.  She'll start out at my feet, then magically keep oozing up and in until she is somewhere between my knee and hip and pushing me off the edge of the bed.

We call that squinching in our house.   It is a combination of squeezing and inching.  We have since found out that it means something entirely different...but the word remains for DH and I.   

[Venus193]

My babies must be unusually polite about that.  Carmen (about 7 lbs) takes the other pillow while Figaro (about 12 lbs) sleeps at the foot of the bed on the same side.

[greencat]

Two out of three of mine insist on sleeping on me somewhere.  The adult cat just drapes herself over me wherever she feels like it - the kitten paws and meows at me until I arrange my position to his liking.

[Amara]

Memo

To: Amara, Athena, Aphrodite
From: The Staff AKA Mom AKA Killer of Food Cans AKA Cleaner of Sandbox
Re: New Comforter
Date: January 22, 2013

Thank you for admiring my taste in comforters. I appreciate the confirmation of my taste. I agree that the silk-like sheen and exquisite design are perfect. The mint green color is so flattering to your eyes as well, but that's not actually why I bought it. Still, it is nice.

If I may be so bold, I would like to request that you refrain from doing your favorite rolls around with claws out. Your ability to draw threads out is ... uncanny. Also, throwing up your dinner (and breakfast and lunch) whenever you feel a need is not something to be done on the comforter. I have laminate wood flooring for a reason; please use that. And while I am not happy with the addition of bits of cat litter I realize that your paws need to dispense the excess somewhere so I am (grumpily) willing to accept that some will end up here. I'll deal with it. Just, please, do not make me deal with vomit, hairballs or--Aphrodite, I am speaking to you--an occasional message turd if you think I have not hastened with sufficient speed to clean the sandbox.

I like this comforter. In fact, I love it. So I request, with all due respect, adoration, and admiration, that you let me enjoy it as it is now.

Mom (the dispatcher of cans and used litter)

[ladyknight1]

My Harley (all 9 pounds of him) must have Lonely Butt Syndrome ^tm. LBS causes one to lie at a 45 degree angle from one's human companion at that time. The butt in question must be within one inch of that companion.

[Midnight Kitty]

Two out of three of mine insist on sleeping on me somewhere.  The adult cat just drapes herself over me wherever she feels like it - the kitten paws and meows at me until I arrange my position to his liking.

The real Midnight Kitty let me put my head on a corner of my pillow.  She was quite generous for a Princess.  Bootsie, her sister, lay at my feet.

After the real MK passed in Dec. 2011, Bootsie stepped up to be "The Cat."  Now she sleeps on my pillow.  Bootsie will wrap herself around my head, then lay her head on top of my head and purr.  We call her my "cat hat."  It felt funny at first to be used as a cat pillow, but I am starting to to enjoying it.

[Outdoor Girl]

Dear Sassy:

You are not that big of a cat; you only weigh about 11 pounds.  How do you manage to sound like a herd of elephants is running through my house at way too early in the morning?

Signed,
The Sleep Deprived One.

[Tea Drinker]

The real Midnight Kitty let me put my head on a corner of my pillow.  She was quite generous for a Princess.  Bootsie, her sister, lay at my feet.

After the real MK passed in Dec. 2011, Bootsie stepped up to be "The Cat."  Now she sleeps on my pillow.  Bootsie will wrap herself around my head, then lay her head on top of my head and purr.  We call her my "cat hat."  It felt funny at first to be used as a cat pillow, but I am starting to to enjoying it.

Julian does that. It's fine except when he decides to wash me in the middle of the night. A purring cat may be soporific: a raspy cat tongue on my forehead is not.

[snowfire]

Julian does that. It's fine except when he decides to wash me in the middle of the night. A purring cat may be soporific: a raspy cat tongue on my forehead is not.

I'll up the ante on that one.  My "cat hat", the late lovely Tasha Kitty, liked to lick eyelids...and nostrils.  I miss her a lot. 

[Snooks]

My boy licks elbows, occasionally DH's back, but always elbows.  We don't let the cats sleep in our room because they think 3am is an appropriate time to wake us/me up with a nose in the mouth.

I'm sure I've told this before but when I lived at home I would kick the cat out before I went to bed (no idea why because he'd wake my parents before me) but when my parents were away I'd sleep with the door open just incase the cats wanted out in the night.  One morning one of the cats came into my room and started meowing for his breakfast, having already opened my eyes once I knew I had 5-10 minutes before my alarm went off and I was not getting out of bed/opening my eyes again before it went off.  The meowing continued and eventually I gave in and opened my eyes to give the cat a talking to expecting to find him sitting on the floor only to find him nose to nose with me sitting beside me on the bed (I swear he threw his voice).  I exclaimed in shock, he jumped off the bed equally shocked to have been "aarghed" at at close range, then sat down in the middle of the floor and meowed again, I admitted defeat and got up two minutes before my alarm and fed him.

That cat's brother would yowl outside the room DH slept in when he came to visit, DH would get up to let him in and the cat would dash past him and fall asleep in the middle of the single bed.  Frequently we'd get up and find DH contorted in all sorts of positions so as to not disturb the cat. 

[MonteCristo]

Dear Lyla,
My opening a book is not an invitation for you to climb up my chest to try and sit on my face.  You have always been the kitty I have to chase down just to give you a daily pet, but something about me reading a book seems to attract you.  Mommy would be thrilled to have you curl up on her lap for pets while reading, but please stay out of my face. 

Alexei,
I know you like to join in whenever I do something, but sometimes it is just ridiculous.  No, you will not be able to catch Mario, so you might as well stop trying.  Also, it is very hard to play the piano when you keep jumping on the keys.  And I certainly don't need your help while cooking...I'm perfectly capable of stirring soup without your assistance.  Go play with Sydney for a bit.

Sydney,
Ok, so you are a dog, but seriously stop stepping on me while I'm doing shavasana...it makes it really hard to relax when a 40lb lab might step on your stomach at any moment! 

Love,
Mommy, the provider of treats.