S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat

[AnnaT]

I'm loving the recent posts and recognising Oscar in a couple of them (he lives to 'surf' the bathmat when I'm in the shower and galumphs across the bed with a wired look on his face).

Dear Oscar

I know I call you my little man, but you're not really little are you?  I'm so sorry I laughed when you made a break for it and discovered you couldn't get your bulk through the wrought iron gates but the sudden screeching halt was hilarious (and I did check afterwards to make sure everything was still in its rightful place on your face).  Again, and for the record, you are an inside cat - you have always been an inside cat - you have a predilication for lying in front of the glass doors and sunning your butt - you are a floofy indoor cat who couldn't cope with the mean outdoors.  Stop trying to escape!!!

Love
She who sets the bathmat up closer to the door than the wall so that you get a longer skid...

[greencat]

Dear Princess,

I closed the bedroom door for a reason.  That reason being that when you were granted the privilege of bedroom access, you spent the night attempting to take over my pillow, and when that failed, you switched to sleeping on my head.  As I have a natural dislike for the sensation of suffocating, that is simply unacceptable.  Additionally, you kept waking me up when you hissed at the Moose.  He was mostly just laying there asleep, and looked rather puzzled at your belligerence. 

Love,
The actual owner of the bed.

[Amara]

Dear actual owner of the bed toiler of tasks and feline slave:

Obviously my generosity in allowing you to occupy a good amount of bed space is a wasted idea. You are getting too big for your britches as Grandma Princess would say. Still, she did teach me that hoomans are good for certain things and therefore we must humor them. So in honor of her memory, I will allow you to remain in bed with me as long as you understand which corner of the bed you (and Moose) are permitted to occupy. And that is: Any corner I don't want!

Bwahahaha. Prepare to curl up or enjoy the furry suffocation!

Love,

Princess and Ruler of the Bed

[furrcats]

Yep that's how it is

[Outdoor Girl]

Dear Sassy:

Quit pawing at the bedroom door!  You've owned me for 2 years now and in all that time, you've never been allowed in the bedroom.  I can't believe you have any pads left on your paws, you were at it so long.

Knock it off or tomorrow's dinner is going to be cat soup.  Grrrr...

[Midnight Kitty]

Bootsie is my "cat hat."  She likes to sleep on my pillow curled around my head.  Sometimes she curls around so her nose is an inch from mine so we can breathe together and other times she rests her head on mine, using my head as a pillow.  When I'm not in bed, she usually lays at the foot of the bed looking out the lanai sliding glass doors, watching birds fly by and perch on the railing.  As soon as my head hits the pillow, she gets up and arranges herself in the "cat hat" position.

Dear Bootsie;

I love the "cat hat" act, but could you please stop stepping on my hair.  It pulls and hurts.  Also, no kicking your back legs to stretch them out and hitting me in the face.  That's why you aren't allowed on Big Daddy's pillow: He has a medically fragile left eye after 10 operations.  Your sister, Midnight (RIP), was very good at cuddling with Big Daddy without endangering his eye.*

She Who Polices the Litterbox

*We never figured out how Midnight knew, but when DH had retina reattachment surgery in his right eye, he had to always sleep on one side to hold the bubble inside his eyeball in the correct position.  The bubble holds the retina against the underlying structure until it heals.  Midnight would wake DH up if he turned over on the wrong side.  Later, when he had the retina reattachment surgery in his left eye, he had to hold his head in a different position.  Somehow Midnight knew this and would wake him up if he wasn't in the new position.  She was an excellent nurse.  It would have been much harder on DH without his little sweetheart.  We still miss her a year and a half later.

[jayhawk]

Bootsie is my "cat hat."  She likes to sleep on my pillow curled around my head.  Sometimes she curls around so her nose is an inch from mine so we can breathe together and other times she rests her head on mine, using my head as a pillow.  When I'm not in bed, she usually lays at the foot of the bed looking out the lanai sliding glass doors, watching birds fly by and perch on the railing.  As soon as my head hits the pillow, she gets up and arranges herself in the "cat hat" position.

Dear Bootsie;

I love the "cat hat" act, but could you please stop stepping on my hair.  It pulls and hurts.  Also, no kicking your back legs to stretch them out and hitting me in the face.  That's why you aren't allowed on Big Daddy's pillow: He has a medically fragile left eye after 10 operations.  Your sister, Midnight (RIP), was very good at cuddling with Big Daddy without endangering his eye.*

She Who Polices the Litterbox

*We never figured out how Midnight knew, but when DH had retina reattachment surgery in his right eye, he had to always sleep on one side to hold the bubble inside his eyeball in the correct position.  The bubble holds the retina against the underlying structure until it heals.  Midnight would wake DH up if he turned over on the wrong side.  Later, when he had the retina reattachment surgery in his left eye, he had to hold his head in a different position.  Somehow Midnight knew this and would wake him up if he wasn't in the new position.  She was an excellent nurse.  It would have been much harder on DH without his little sweetheart.  We still miss her a year and a half later.

Awwwww! So sweet.

[Elfmama]

*We never figured out how Midnight knew, but when DH had retina reattachment surgery in his right eye, he had to always sleep on one side to hold the bubble inside his eyeball in the correct position.  The bubble holds the retina against the underlying structure until it heals.  Midnight would wake DH up if he turned over on the wrong side.  Later, when he had the retina reattachment surgery in his left eye, he had to hold his head in a different position.  Somehow Midnight knew this and would wake him up if he wasn't in the new position.  She was an excellent nurse.  It would have been much harder on DH without his little sweetheart.  We still miss her a year and a half later.

They just know, MK.  The only time Willow will cuddle is when I have a migraine.  She knows even before I do.  More than once I've woken up to realize that Willow is plastered into my armpit, microseconds before the pain hits.

[MissRose]

Dear Cat of my friend I stayed with recently,

I was more willing to play with you and pet you before I went home but yet you would not leave her hubby alone while he was attempting to work at home.  When I visit next time, no need to constantly bother the man of the house when he encourages you to bother others lol.

Love, the Michigan based visitor

[robobecky]

Dear Houdini,

If you don't stop bringing dead mice and birds into the house I am building you a cat house outside and you will no longer be able to access the oh so comfy chairs and couches that you love because you will permanently live outside.  Knock it off you little idiot!  The kitchen is not a morgue for your kills.

love,
your very annoyed human slave

[Venus193]

Dear Robobecky,

Please do not misinterpret Houdini's actions.  He is showing that he loves you and is doing his best to protect you.  Bringing you his kills demonstrates that he is doing his duty.

I haven't had to do this yet because we live in a 4th floor walkup.  Hence no rodents.  My mum loves me anyway and gives me catnip mice to compensate.

Understandingly,

Figaro

[MizB]

Dear Cherokee

Thank you for sleeping with me the other night after mr. O and I fought. I know you are his cat and to take my side was such an honor.

Love
The female human.

[mmswm]

Dear Scout,

It's not nice to hide under the broken boards on the back deck and swat at the ankles of passing kids/adults/dogs. You seem to get an enormous amount of pleasure in this, but just remember, one of those dogs could kill you just by sitting on you, and I'd hate to have to clean up dead cat because you finally pushed the mastiff too far.

Love,
The person who wants you to stick around for a long, long time.

[greencat]

Dear Scout,

It's not nice to hide under the broken boards on the back deck and swat at the ankles of passing kids/adults/dogs. You seem to get an enormous amount of pleasure in this, but just remember, one of those dogs could kill you just by sitting on you, and I'd hate to have to clean up dead cat because you finally pushed the mastiff too far.

Love,
The person who wants you to stick around for a long, long time.

Dear Scout,

Don't worry.  Cats can survive quite awhile with a dog sitting on them.  I decided that the dog crate belonged to me one time and the dog sat on me and it took Mommy half an hour to figure out that the black dog had one too many limbs sticking out.

Love,
Princess

[Reader]

Dear Weezer, my new renter's dog,

Yes I know you miss your dad when he goes to work, and it's a new house.  But for the sake of my ears please don't let the whole house know.  I had to go to my fav brewery for peace and quiet yesterday lol.

Thanks,

Reader