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Author Topic: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat  (Read 794623 times)

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Outdoor Girl

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #990 on: April 26, 2013, 09:38:57 AM »
Dear Peggy:

Thanks so much for cleaning up the kitty food I spilled on the floor last night when I transferred the new bag into my Tupperware container.  I knew I could count on you.

However, trying to eat the muffin papers I forgot to throw in the garbage?  Yeah, not so much.

I seem to be on a seefood diet these days, too, and really, it isn't good for either of us.

Love,
Your fellow rotund one
After cleaning out my Dad's house, I have this advice:  If you haven't used it in a year, throw it out!!!!.
Ontario

Snooks

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #991 on: May 05, 2013, 07:23:19 AM »
Dear Cat

Running into the neighbour's house and hiding behind their couch twice is not the best way to introduce yourself. It's lucky they were nice about it but please, I don't want to be 'that' neighbour, don't do it again.

Snooks

guihong

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #992 on: May 05, 2013, 09:52:19 AM »
Dear Izzy:

Cranking up a meow at 5:30 on a Sunday does not endear you to Daddy or me.  This is a weekend; you do not have to wake us up today.

And Daddy is especially not amused when you hide under blankets, then yowl when he bumps you in the dark.

Love,
Provider of cans



mmswm

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #993 on: May 05, 2013, 09:59:07 AM »
Dear Mo,

Dive bombing me from the overhang over the front door when I haven't had my coffee yet is a bad idea.  Please wait until a little later in the day to try these sorts of tricks.

Thanks,
She who makes sure you get your 5am ear scritchies.
Some people lift weights.  I lift measures.  It's a far more esoteric workout. - (Quoted from a personal friend)

Vicki

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #994 on: May 05, 2013, 03:16:37 PM »
Dear Polycarp,

You don't like people, other than me, you run for you life when the doorbell rings - so why, why, why, did you decide to make my lunch guest (also my boss) your best friend?  He's allergic to you and you wouldn't leave him alone. 

Puzzled,

she who provides the food and water

ladyknight1

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  • Not all those who wander are lost
Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #995 on: May 06, 2013, 05:21:53 PM »
Dear Harley and Mischief,

Your human brother has found a kitten and he is going to bring it home next weekend. You need to be nice during your supervised visits, or she will live in his bedroom forever. I know you two are getting up there in age, but this kitty needs a home.

Love,

Mom
ďAll that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost."
-J.R.R Tolkien

*inviteseller

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #996 on: May 06, 2013, 07:04:09 PM »
Dear Kitties (as a group)
Every time I walk towards the kitchen does NOT mean I am going to feed you again.  You are old enough now to know you get breakfast in the morning, dinner at dinner time.  Also trying to outrun me down the steps when I am carrying a laundry hamper is not the fun game you think it is. 
Dear Mr. B- I have had you since you were 10 days old, raising you and your litter mates.  I know you love me and appreciate this, but honestly quit sleeping you fat butt on my face!  And the plastic bag fetish?  I am not happy when woken up at 3 am because you pulled one down and got it stuck on your neck and are now racing through the house in a panic.
Miss Sophie - I love you sweetheart, I really do and I know you appreciate me rescuing you, but you are not the only cat in the house.  You cannot be up my bum 24/7 and hitting the kids when I am interacting with them is just petty.
Miss Lola-You are never getting out of kittendom, are you???  You are so pretty and sweet, but at 3 can you stop acting like a doofus kitten?  Jumping out to scare the others, chasing them up and down the steps..they don't like it!!!  And the first trip in the morning when I get up is to the potty, not your food dish so please stop trying to walk in front of me to stop me...the end result isn't pretty.
Miss Jezebel - You are a cutie and quite possibly the most annoying cat I have ever had in my life (and there have been many)..Quit screeching at the door morning, noon and night!  You were an indoor only cat when I took you in and I am not changing that!  And when you sneak out, I don't like the get kitty from under the bushes game you play !  And quit being nice to the dog one minute, slapping her the next.  She is pretty easy going but she growled at you the other day..that may have been your warning!
The feral cat and her 2- 4 week kittens I am fostering in a spare room- Yes, someone dumped you and you have been having lots of babies, but I saved your kittens from mean people, found you and got you reunited with them  tried to save the sick ones, and now you have a warm place to stay and an endless supply of good food...would it kill you to quit making those noises at me every time I walk into the room?  I know you want to kill me, but geez louise, I am being nice!  The babies like me!

Love,
Your faithful servant
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Outdoor Girl

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #997 on: May 06, 2013, 07:07:44 PM »
Dear Sassy:

It is not necessary for you to yowl and paw at my door every morning at 6:30.  I have an alarm set for 7:00; I can get up on my own.

Cut it out!  Or cat soup may soon be on the menu...

Your sleep deprived owner staff
After cleaning out my Dad's house, I have this advice:  If you haven't used it in a year, throw it out!!!!.
Ontario

MerryCat

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #998 on: May 06, 2013, 07:41:41 PM »
Dear Polycarp,

You don't like people, other than me, you run for you life when the doorbell rings - so why, why, why, did you decide to make my lunch guest (also my boss) your best friend?  He's allergic to you and you wouldn't leave him alone. 

Puzzled,

she who provides the food and water

Dear Human Servant,

Because there's something so irresistible about a human who plays hard to get. Needy humans with their high-pitched baby talk and reaching, grope-y hands are a dime a dozen. But a coolly detached person unmoved by my many and obvious charms? I MUST make him love me!

The One Who Must Be Obeyed :P

Snooks

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #999 on: May 07, 2013, 12:55:40 PM »
Dear Sassy:

It is not necessary for you to yowl and paw at my door every morning at 6:30.  I have an alarm set for 7:00; I can get up on my own.

Cut it out!  Or cat soup may soon be on the menu...

Your sleep deprived owner staff

Dear Sassy

I'm sorry to hear that your owner has their alarm set for the wrong time too.  My owners also mistakenly believe that the alarm should be set for 7am, I do my best to re-educate them but it's not sticking.  I have found that reminding them they have a door handle which can let them out of the bedroom helps, I do this by jumping at the handle on my side of the door.  They often go back to bed after opening the door but at least they are awake, so I see this as my job being partially done.  I ensure they don't go back to sleep by inspecting their faces with my nose.

I hope these tips work for you.

Best wishes

LordB

Cutenoob

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1000 on: May 07, 2013, 06:02:32 PM »
Dear Ivory:
Your "trick" of standing near the door, then running to your food area does not work with me. I'm going to get my keys near the front door, and I can see exactly what you're doing. I'm not a stupid human.
Plus you being a pillow thief really aggravates me. If I bought a pillow just for you..never mind.
Can you please stop begging for food every 10 minutes and just go take a nap?

Your food unit
Cutenoob

*inviteseller

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1001 on: May 07, 2013, 08:39:46 PM »
Dear Mr. B,
When I come home and find 3 large stuffed animals face down on the floor..I know why!  You are fixed so stop trying to have your way with them.  When I hear you yowling at the top of the steps I know you are bringing down a new paramour and it is just wrong that you sometimes want me to watch!  Although I will say I was pretty impressed that you managed to get the 3 ft tall frog off the bed, down the hall and down the steps.  When you 6 yr old human sister is older and figures out just what you are doing to her stuffies, she is going to be grossed out, so stop it!  They don't want it no matter how many sweet meowers you whisper in their ears!

Dear Sophie,
I know Mr. B and Lola pick on you..they can be such jerks.  But is it necessary to scream like you are caught in a lawn mower if they walk past your hiding spot???  They weren't paying any attention to you, but now they are feeling the need to mess with you and I have to break it up and everyone gets kitty time outs.   Just be quiet and they won't bother you.

Your ever faithful feed dish filler
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Bijou

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1002 on: May 07, 2013, 08:56:13 PM »
Dear Kitty,
Thank you for loving me unconditionally.
Thank you for saving me from overeating by jumping into my dish when I'm eating at the computer.
Thank you for letting me sit with you in the bathroom while you take 15 minutes to drink out of the faucet. 
Love mama
I've never knitted anything I could recognize when it was finished.  Actually, I've never finished anything, much to my family's relief.

Bijou

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1003 on: May 07, 2013, 09:01:31 PM »
Dear Lassie,
You've been gone since I was 17, but still, whenever I see a black and white springer spaniel with little curls on top of her head I wish it were you.  I miss you, Lassie.
Love and kisses from your girl
I've never knitted anything I could recognize when it was finished.  Actually, I've never finished anything, much to my family's relief.

JennJenn68

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1004 on: May 07, 2013, 10:42:44 PM »
Dear Buzz:

Stop.  Just stop.  Mama has decided that 3 a.m. is NOT an appropriate time to feed you, and you're just going to have to survive until six.  Using me as a human trampoline repeatedly doesn't make me more inclined to get up and feed you.  What it does do is make me more tempted to commit felicide in a rather violent manner.  Let's also discuss last night's little trick of continually yelling in my ear for a full hour, with me gritting my teeth and earnestly wishing one (or both) of us dead, until I finally gave in at five.  You can survive longer than four hours without food; you manage quite well not being fed until three in the afternoon, so I know that you're just lying your little heart out.  I hesitate to lock you in the basement with your brother and sister, mostly because I'm afraid of the mess you'll make of your father's HO scale layout if I do so, but I'm getting close to the limits of my endurance for not getting any sleep--five days and counting now, you little twirp!

Quit.  Or I'll lock you up all by yourself, and reserve a box outside the basement for your brother and sister, who do not seem to think that I ought to be feeding you at an unearthly hour.  (Or if they do, they're sensibly keeping very quiet about it!)

Exasperatedly,
She Who Knows That You Aren't Actually Starving To Death