Author Topic: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat  (Read 176394 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

*inviteseller

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1821
  • I am Queen Mommy
Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1005 on: May 06, 2013, 08:04:09 PM »
Dear Kitties (as a group)
Every time I walk towards the kitchen does NOT mean I am going to feed you again.  You are old enough now to know you get breakfast in the morning, dinner at dinner time.  Also trying to outrun me down the steps when I am carrying a laundry hamper is not the fun game you think it is. 
Dear Mr. B- I have had you since you were 10 days old, raising you and your litter mates.  I know you love me and appreciate this, but honestly quit sleeping you fat butt on my face!  And the plastic bag fetish?  I am not happy when woken up at 3 am because you pulled one down and got it stuck on your neck and are now racing through the house in a panic.
Miss Sophie - I love you sweetheart, I really do and I know you appreciate me rescuing you, but you are not the only cat in the house.  You cannot be up my bum 24/7 and hitting the kids when I am interacting with them is just petty.
Miss Lola-You are never getting out of kittendom, are you???  You are so pretty and sweet, but at 3 can you stop acting like a doofus kitten?  Jumping out to scare the others, chasing them up and down the steps..they don't like it!!!  And the first trip in the morning when I get up is to the potty, not your food dish so please stop trying to walk in front of me to stop me...the end result isn't pretty.
Miss Jezebel - You are a cutie and quite possibly the most annoying cat I have ever had in my life (and there have been many)..Quit screeching at the door morning, noon and night!  You were an indoor only cat when I took you in and I am not changing that!  And when you sneak out, I don't like the get kitty from under the bushes game you play !  And quit being nice to the dog one minute, slapping her the next.  She is pretty easy going but she growled at you the other day..that may have been your warning!
The feral cat and her 2- 4 week kittens I am fostering in a spare room- Yes, someone dumped you and you have been having lots of babies, but I saved your kittens from mean people, found you and got you reunited with them  tried to save the sick ones, and now you have a warm place to stay and an endless supply of good food...would it kill you to quit making those noises at me every time I walk into the room?  I know you want to kill me, but geez louise, I am being nice!  The babies like me!

Love,
Your faithful servant
*inviteseller

Outdoor Girl

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 13650
Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1006 on: May 06, 2013, 08:07:44 PM »
Dear Sassy:

It is not necessary for you to yowl and paw at my door every morning at 6:30.  I have an alarm set for 7:00; I can get up on my own.

Cut it out!  Or cat soup may soon be on the menu...

Your sleep deprived owner staff
I have CDO.  It is like OCD but with the letters in alphabetical order, as they should be.
Ontario

MerryCat

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1839
Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1007 on: May 06, 2013, 08:41:41 PM »
Dear Polycarp,

You don't like people, other than me, you run for you life when the doorbell rings - so why, why, why, did you decide to make my lunch guest (also my boss) your best friend?  He's allergic to you and you wouldn't leave him alone. 

Puzzled,

she who provides the food and water

Dear Human Servant,

Because there's something so irresistible about a human who plays hard to get. Needy humans with their high-pitched baby talk and reaching, grope-y hands are a dime a dozen. But a coolly detached person unmoved by my many and obvious charms? I MUST make him love me!

The One Who Must Be Obeyed :P

Snooks

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2406
Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1008 on: May 07, 2013, 01:55:40 PM »
Dear Sassy:

It is not necessary for you to yowl and paw at my door every morning at 6:30.  I have an alarm set for 7:00; I can get up on my own.

Cut it out!  Or cat soup may soon be on the menu...

Your sleep deprived owner staff

Dear Sassy

I'm sorry to hear that your owner has their alarm set for the wrong time too.  My owners also mistakenly believe that the alarm should be set for 7am, I do my best to re-educate them but it's not sticking.  I have found that reminding them they have a door handle which can let them out of the bedroom helps, I do this by jumping at the handle on my side of the door.  They often go back to bed after opening the door but at least they are awake, so I see this as my job being partially done.  I ensure they don't go back to sleep by inspecting their faces with my nose.

I hope these tips work for you.

Best wishes

LordB

Cutenoob

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1649
Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1009 on: May 07, 2013, 07:02:32 PM »
Dear Ivory:
Your "trick" of standing near the door, then running to your food area does not work with me. I'm going to get my keys near the front door, and I can see exactly what you're doing. I'm not a stupid human.
Plus you being a pillow thief really aggravates me. If I bought a pillow just for you..never mind.
Can you please stop begging for food every 10 minutes and just go take a nap?

Your food unit
Cutenoob

*inviteseller

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1821
  • I am Queen Mommy
Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1010 on: May 07, 2013, 09:39:46 PM »
Dear Mr. B,
When I come home and find 3 large stuffed animals face down on the floor..I know why!  You are fixed so stop trying to have your way with them.  When I hear you yowling at the top of the steps I know you are bringing down a new paramour and it is just wrong that you sometimes want me to watch!  Although I will say I was pretty impressed that you managed to get the 3 ft tall frog off the bed, down the hall and down the steps.  When you 6 yr old human sister is older and figures out just what you are doing to her stuffies, she is going to be grossed out, so stop it!  They don't want it no matter how many sweet meowers you whisper in their ears!

Dear Sophie,
I know Mr. B and Lola pick on you..they can be such jerks.  But is it necessary to scream like you are caught in a lawn mower if they walk past your hiding spot???  They weren't paying any attention to you, but now they are feeling the need to mess with you and I have to break it up and everyone gets kitty time outs.   Just be quiet and they won't bother you.

Your ever faithful feed dish filler
*inviteseller

Bijou

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 12933
Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1011 on: May 07, 2013, 09:56:13 PM »
Dear Kitty,
Thank you for loving me unconditionally.
Thank you for saving me from overeating by jumping into my dish when I'm eating at the computer.
Thank you for letting me sit with you in the bathroom while you take 15 minutes to drink out of the faucet. 
Love mama
I've never knitted anything I could recognize when it was finished.  Actually, I've never finished anything, much to my family's relief.

Bijou

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 12933
Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1012 on: May 07, 2013, 10:01:31 PM »
Dear Lassie,
You've been gone since I was 17, but still, whenever I see a black and white springer spaniel with little curls on top of her head I wish it were you.  I miss you, Lassie.
Love and kisses from your girl
I've never knitted anything I could recognize when it was finished.  Actually, I've never finished anything, much to my family's relief.

JennJenn68

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 712
Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1013 on: May 07, 2013, 11:42:44 PM »
Dear Buzz:

Stop.  Just stop.  Mama has decided that 3 a.m. is NOT an appropriate time to feed you, and you're just going to have to survive until six.  Using me as a human trampoline repeatedly doesn't make me more inclined to get up and feed you.  What it does do is make me more tempted to commit felicide in a rather violent manner.  Let's also discuss last night's little trick of continually yelling in my ear for a full hour, with me gritting my teeth and earnestly wishing one (or both) of us dead, until I finally gave in at five.  You can survive longer than four hours without food; you manage quite well not being fed until three in the afternoon, so I know that you're just lying your little heart out.  I hesitate to lock you in the basement with your brother and sister, mostly because I'm afraid of the mess you'll make of your father's HO scale layout if I do so, but I'm getting close to the limits of my endurance for not getting any sleep--five days and counting now, you little twirp!

Quit.  Or I'll lock you up all by yourself, and reserve a box outside the basement for your brother and sister, who do not seem to think that I ought to be feeding you at an unearthly hour.  (Or if they do, they're sensibly keeping very quiet about it!)

Exasperatedly,
She Who Knows That You Aren't Actually Starving To Death

greencat

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2400
Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1014 on: May 08, 2013, 12:54:58 AM »
Dear cats, all three of you:

Yelling at me at the unpleasantly high volumes and pitches attainable by a Siamese mix, a half-grown kitten, and the living avatar of Basement Cat until I stop what I'm trying to do to pet you is highly disturbing.  Princess, your habit of climbing on my back if you can't sit in my lap is especially hampering, especially since you are apparently made of sandspurs.  I intended to catch up on my housekeeping tonight, but instead I spent it rotating between petting the three of you attention hogs.  I'm surprised I even got a load of laundry in!  The dog is sulking.

Love,

Your mother (to the boy kitties)/temple slave (for the Princess/evil kitty)

peach2play

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 963
Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1015 on: May 09, 2013, 05:04:04 PM »
To my wonderful furbabies,

No, I can not turn off the big faucet in the sky so you can go outside*.  I know the sky is spitting water, and mommy can usually turn the water off, but I am unable to control the weather.  Please stop scratching at the cabinet door, sticking your head out and then running to me howling to let me know your head and paws are wet.  It should stop raining soon.  Until then, you will have to amuse yourselves with your 4 6' cat trees, 20' perches, enough cat toys to fill a decent sized toy chest, furniture positioned so you can see out of every window and food better than 33% of the world. 

Love,
The maker of Chicken

*They aren't actually allowed outside to roam.  We have a 6'x6'x10' dog run on the back porch which connects to a dog door on the back wall.  They go nuts if they can't get out to it.  There have been days I've opened the door to let them run into 3' of snow, just to get them to shut up.  It's highly entertaining except when I'm trying to work and they won't settle down and stop howling.

greencat

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2400
Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1016 on: May 09, 2013, 11:07:56 PM »
Dear Moose,

Stop eating the dog food.  Your cat food is arguably of much better quality due to the economic cost of buying premium food for three cats vs a giant dog.  Not that his isn't good grain-free food, but it's cheap premium and you guys get the really good stuff.  Not to mention, it puzzles the dog to find you in his food bowl.

Love,

Your quartermaster

deadbody

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 882
Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1017 on: May 11, 2013, 09:17:30 PM »
Dear Darth, Stormy, and Lily,

The new noisy thing is here to stay.  His name is Nibbitz and you have a lot in common, like you are all cats.  I am aware that he is very noisy, and kind of an attention hog right now, but he will grow out of it (you all did).  So you can stop growling at him anytime now.


Dear Nibbitz,

Clawing my leg is not appreciated.  I am aware that the fat cats are growling at you, but climbing my leg is not a proper response.  Mostly because I am wearing shorts.

The one who feed all of you

amylouky

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1553
Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1018 on: May 12, 2013, 12:28:01 AM »
Dear Gizmo,

Last night when I went out to unlock the gate for the bad man you zipped between my ankles and took off into the garden. After a merry fifteen minute chase (in the freezing cold) I finally cornered you in a pot plant and got you inside.

THIS MORNING, I came down and opened up the outside door so you could go sit outside in the sunshine and you took one look and went 'Uck, fresh air, don't want' and took yourself upstairs.

I know you only like outside when it's cold and dark and I'm going to have to chase you around (because we live behind the pub and Friday night is not a good time for kitties to be wandering about) but surely we can come to some kind of agreement about this?

And don't even think about whipping outside when I'm about to leave for lunch. I'm not chasing you in heels.

You have pot plants in  your neighborhood?   ???

greencat

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2400
Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1019 on: May 12, 2013, 01:54:55 AM »
Dear Tribble,

Where were you the past couple of weeks?  No one responded to my signs nor did anyone put any up, and you're still wearing the collar I had on you so I doubt you were "visiting" with any humans.  I am glad you came back, but mystified about where you went.