Author Topic: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat  (Read 198982 times)

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twiggy

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1110 on: July 25, 2013, 11:29:34 PM »
Dear Ninja

If you don't want to be hit in the face with wet towels, stay out of the dryer. And thank you for adding another step to the laundry process. Though I applaud your efficiency in covering the clothes in kitty hair before they're even folded or hung. (or thrown on the couch to be folded/hung)

Sincerely,
The newly appointed dryer inspector
In the United States today, there is a pervasive tendency to treat children as adults, and adults as children.  The options of children are thus steadily expanded, while those of adults are progressively constricted.  The result is unruly children and childish adults.  ~Thomas Szasz

Editeer

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1111 on: July 26, 2013, 02:20:06 PM »
Dear Cylver,

Yes, I get up earlier than I used to because of my new job. Yes, sometimes I oversleep. However, that does not mean I need you to give me a wake-up reminder an entire hour before my alarm goes off. Stop bugging me at 5:30 AM.

And especially don't leave your latest catch on the floor for me to admire. If I had stepped on that dead mouse when I got out of bed, you'd be in orbit.

You're darned lucky you're so beautiful.

Snooks

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1112 on: July 26, 2013, 04:54:20 PM »
Dear Kimmie-cat,
Oh our silly owners think we don't know, but we can read minds.  Next time, if your food giver gets you out from under the bed, do what we do..grow 6 more legs and spread them all out so they can't get you in the carrier. 

Purrs and Head Butts,
Mr. B, Sophie, Lola, & Jezebel
Dear *Inviteseller,

Reverse the offending cats and put them into the carrier butt-first.  By the time they've figured out that you have tricked them, it's too late.

But then the really pointy bits are facing you.

Dear Kimmie-cat

I second the advise given above.  My brother is stupid and falls for their tricks.  I just move further towards the middle and the back.  They can't get you there plus it makes them really agitated when they have to lie on their stomachs and wave their arms around to try and touch you.

Miss J

camlan

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1113 on: July 26, 2013, 06:18:59 PM »
Dear Cylver,

Yes, I get up earlier than I used to because of my new job. Yes, sometimes I oversleep. However, that does not mean I need you to give me a wake-up reminder an entire hour before my alarm goes off. Stop bugging me at 5:30 AM.

And especially don't leave your latest catch on the floor for me to admire. If I had stepped on that dead mouse when I got out of bed, you'd be in orbit.

You're darned lucky you're so beautiful.

Dear Cylver,

Do not listen to your human. The dead mouse, appropriately placed, is an excellent training tool for your human.

I have trained mine to always put her glasses on before getting out of bed by putting the dead mouse right where her feet always go. Now she no longer "accidentally" steps on me as she stumbles to the bathroom.

She has also learned to make her bed every day, due to one particularly well-placed mouse.

I have tried using the fake furry mice, but they do not have the desired effect, especially since the fake-furry-mouse-under-the-pillow incident. Since then, the human has only provided the furry mice in vile florescent colors. Seriously, does she really think I believe that mice are green and pink and yellow?

However, despite my best efforts, she shows no signs of learning how to catch her own mice. This is not good, because she continues to insist that I exert my energy to deal with the little rodents.

Wishing you the best of luck with your training program,

Fred
Nothing is impossible, the word itself says, “I’m possible!” –Audrey Hepburn


missanpan

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1114 on: July 26, 2013, 11:51:12 PM »
Dear Kimmie-cat,
Oh our silly owners think we don't know, but we can read minds.  Next time, if your food giver gets you out from under the bed, do what we do..grow 6 more legs and spread them all out so they can't get you in the carrier. 

Purrs and Head Butts,
Mr. B, Sophie, Lola, & Jezebel
Dear *Inviteseller,

Reverse the offending cats and put them into the carrier butt-first.  By the time they've figured out that you have tricked them, it's too late.

But then the really pointy bits are facing you.

Dear Kimmie-cat

I second the advise given above.  My brother is stupid and falls for their tricks.  I just move further towards the middle and the back.  They can't get you there plus it makes them really agitated when they have to lie on their stomachs and wave their arms around to try and touch you.

Miss J

Dear Mr. B, Sophie, Lola, Jezebel and Miss J -

Thank you for the suggestions! I think I'll combine them - I'll move towards the center of the bed, sprout 6 legs then engage clamping devices from all 10 limbs into the carpet. The pitiful hoomin will never get me out! Mewmewmewmewmew!

With Love-
Kimmie-cat, the Queen with a PLAN



greencat

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1115 on: July 27, 2013, 03:38:56 AM »
Dear kitties of mine,

Thank you all kindly for having signed the armistice agreement about the entering of your carriers.  I do not miss the days of sharpened octopi and am most pleased that my bribes peace offerings of liberally lacing the carriers with catnip and periodically feeding you special treat-foods in the carriers were acceptable.

Love,

She who must sometimes take you to the vet

Fliss

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1116 on: July 27, 2013, 04:25:27 AM »

Err, Greencat,

You do realise that the kitties are probably doing a hurried re-arming, as we speak? They're just lulling you into a false sense of security, then when you least expect it . . . the revolution will begin!
Good news! Your insurance company says they'll cover you. Unfortunately, they also say it will be with dirt.

Liliane

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1117 on: July 27, 2013, 05:47:32 PM »
Dear Branwen,

You can't fool me, cat. You love being brushed. You purr your fool head off and do that squeezy eyes thing that you do when you crawl into my bed at night and conquer the majority of my sleeping spot. And guess what, I'm not going to stop brushing you, because that and your new fish oil nummies have worked a treat on your very dry skin.

So why the blinkin' heck do you have to try and walk off every time I put the brush to your fur? I'm getting very tired of chasing you down, cat. Just hold still, it doesn't even take ten minutes to brush you. Sheesh.

Dear Rika,

Related to above, why is it that every time I've just brushed you out and you look all fluffy and gorgeous, you then proceed to roll about on the floor and groom the fur under your chin, hence messing up everything I just did? Have you no class? Have you no dignity?! (Well, you live with me. So probably not. ;))

Dear both of you,

You're going to be getting two new siblings next month. DEAL.

Love,
The purveyor of gooshy and brushies.

(For the curious, here's the girls after brushies. Rika and Branwen. :))
« Last Edit: July 27, 2013, 05:55:12 PM by Liliane »
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Julian

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1118 on: July 27, 2013, 07:36:28 PM »
Dear Salem

Dr Jennifer says you are getting floofy.  I suspect this may be because you never stop eating...  I did warn you! 

By the way, why did you object so much to getting in your box?  You've always been a good little kitty before.  Was it that you suspected Dr J might tell me the fat truth?? 

Love

The Fat Controller (hah!)

greencat

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1119 on: July 28, 2013, 03:02:56 AM »
Dear Princess,

You came in from outside...and went to the litter box and were stinky.  WHY?

Love,

The human stuck in the room with the litter box.

Craftyone

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1120 on: July 28, 2013, 05:15:14 AM »
Greencat
Our fluffy butt likes to go outside in the garden but when we've changed over the whole litter tray (it's cleaned out daily and changed over totally about once a week) she always manages to produce an extra # 2s to stink out the place.  EVERY SINGLE TIME!  Once she's done that she'll go back to wanting to go outside instead of using her tray (unless she's indoors all day when we're out at work etc, we don't have a cat flap and don't want to get one).

*inviteseller

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1121 on: July 28, 2013, 07:49:37 PM »
There is no stench as foul as a #2 done as soon as you clean out the litter box.  Paint peels, sirens go off, birds fly away in droves..and the cat races through the house, yowling in pleasure of no longer holding it for the 15 minutes it took to clean the box.

Elfmama

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1122 on: July 28, 2013, 10:15:44 PM »
There is no stench as foul as a #2 done as soon as you clean out the litter box.  Paint peels, sirens go off, birds fly away in droves..and the cat races through the house, yowling in pleasure of no longer holding it for the 15 minutes it took to clean the box.
Or attempting to escape the smell...
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Bluenomi

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1123 on: July 29, 2013, 12:58:25 AM »
Dear Isis,

I warned you that you wouldn't fit onto of DD's tallboy if you stretched out like that. So don't give me the dirty look when you stretch out more to show off and fall off the dingdangity thing. BTW I now have punchure marks in my arm from you landing on me on the way down in a mad scramble to not fall off. Thanks for that!

Mummy

stargazer

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1124 on: July 29, 2013, 11:09:00 AM »
Dear Mouse,

You have at least 2 more days of house arrest.  Please stop batting at the blinds, trying to run between our legs, and scratching at the door to go outside.  The vet said you could possibly lose your toe if this cut does not heal up.  Your TOE.  That's a little more important than the one week you have to stay inside.  And stop hiding under the bed every time we have to give you antibiotics!  I don't even know how your 18lb+ self is fitting under there!

Love,
The one who tricked you with treats this morning so the not injured ones could run outside