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Author Topic: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat  (Read 794507 times)

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JadeAngel

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1155 on: August 20, 2013, 05:03:48 AM »
Dear Gizmo,

Well no-one could ever accuse you of being short on brains, and you came up with quite an effective little scheme during the week I was away. It wasn't until I got back and we all started comparing notes that we realized you had spent all week demanding your customary can from Grandpa in the morning, and then playing the 'I'm perishing of starvation' card when Grandma came home from work... In fact on several days you even managed to bamboozle Grandpa into giving you a THIRD can as a late night/pre-bedtime snack because he thought from the pitiful miaowing that Grandma forgot to give you dinner.

Of course the jig was up the second I got home and tried to pick you up fat-boy... I hope you enjoyed your visit with Grandma and Grandpa because when we get home you're going on half rations and we're getting you a tiny treadmill or I, as the primary caregiver, will be getting a stern talking to from the vet on your next visit...

Don't worry, you can still have all the Science Diet you want...

Love

Me.


*inviteseller

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1156 on: August 20, 2013, 08:44:16 AM »
Dear Feral cats,*

     I love all of you, I really do which is the reason I provide food, shelter, and medical care (I know the 'nip & tucks' have been traumatic) but for goodness sakes, did you guys send out a flyer?  Everyday I have a new kitty show up ! Between you guys and the house cats, I have gone through over 40lbs of food in a week!  I do love you all though, and thanks to a few of you for showing me the love back and letting me finally give you some ear skritches.  If you keep letting me socialize you, you will get a nice warm home off the streets !

Love,
The lady with the ever present cups of kibble

* Right now it is Lilliput, Tulip, Daffodil, Moe, Big Head, Grayson, Gandolf, Casper, Starvin Marvin, and 2 new ones who are still unnamed!

stargazer

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1157 on: August 20, 2013, 12:58:58 PM »
Dear Roxie,

You are small and adorable and have the cutest meow which is why you get away with anything.  However, waking me up 4 times during the night, apparently overjoyed to find a person to knead on and purr at every hour or two, is not going to work for me.  Yes, you are sweet and cute the first time but mommy needs SLEEP!  Keep it up and you're sleeping outside.

greencat

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1158 on: August 21, 2013, 01:12:16 AM »
Dear kitties:



Just, no.  You guys are the world's worst roommates.

Love,

She who must clean your messes.

PastryGoddess

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1159 on: August 21, 2013, 05:25:23 AM »
Dear kitties:



Just, no.  You guys are the world's worst roommates.

Love,

She who must clean your messes.

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

I meant awwwwww

Outdoor Girl

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1160 on: August 21, 2013, 10:01:47 AM »
Dear Peggy, the likely culprit, and Sassy, the less likely culprit:

Stay out of my food!  That bag of Tostitos scoops were for my camping trip with many other people!  And I don't have time to go get another bag.  I'll have to eat that bag myself and for anyone else who doesn't care if there might be cat germs in there.

Are you related to the raccoons who broke into friend's car last year and ate all the tortilla chips?

Not so much love,
Me

(We were camping; friend left one window down about 3 inches.  Next morning, evidence that the coons had been in the car and ransacked the food.  We think a little one got in and dropped stuff out to the bigger ones who wouldn't fit.  At leas the was relatively tidy about it - the only scat was on one bag that was thrown out and the rest of the car was clean.  Except for the crumbs.)
After cleaning out my Dad's house, I have this advice:  If you haven't used it in a year, throw it out!!!!.
Ontario

Midnight Kitty

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1161 on: August 21, 2013, 04:07:00 PM »
"The first rule is to keep an untroubled spirit.  The second is to look things in the face and know them for what they are."

Marcus Aurelius

Ms_Cellany

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1162 on: August 21, 2013, 04:39:27 PM »
Kitties on cocaine. Dear Lord, help us!
Bingle bongle dingle dangle yickity-do yickity-dah ping-pong lippy-toppy too tah.

Snooks

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1163 on: August 21, 2013, 04:42:33 PM »
Kitties on cocaine. Dear Lord, help us!

So glad I wasn't the only one who thought that!

greencat

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1164 on: August 21, 2013, 05:49:47 PM »
It was, when I left the house yesterday morning, a 1lb bag of bread yeast.

I gather from the yeast-angels the kittens left that it was loads of fun!

peach2play

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1165 on: August 22, 2013, 10:02:12 AM »
Dear Mew and Old Man,

The comfy chair is MINE! I  know you like the nice padded microfiber chair in the office, but you can't have it.  There are plenty of other perches, chairs, and places to lay in the office that are just as nice. 

The giver of food

Firecat

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1166 on: August 22, 2013, 10:11:29 AM »
Dear Xena:

You're a very sweet kitty, and I know you love to get pets and neck scritches while I'm getting dressed in the morning. But was it REALLY necessary to, while rolling around on the bed turning your belly up and being cute, roll yourself right off the end of the bed and leave three parallel scratches from thigh to shin down my leg? Granted, they're shallow enough to not bleed or hurt much.

But still, please be more aware of where you are on the bed in future.

Thank you,

Not-Furry Provider of Treats and Scritches

Ser Lucien Liliane

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1167 on: August 28, 2013, 10:52:48 PM »
Dear Sophie,

You are evil. No, let me rephrase that, you are EVIL. And as you've noticed, the forty-pound poodle is too dumb to realize just how evil you are. So will you please quit luring him to the baby gate with your sweetest inviting meows so you can then smack him upside the nose and run for it? I understand it's hilarious, and yes I do crack up every time I catch you at it, and yes you're very careful not to use your claws, and no he never learns, but taunting the dog is just rude. Quit that. :P

Dear Branwen,

Are you just trying to make me fall over laughing these days? I swear, every time I walk into another room it's like I'm playing a game of "what's wrong with this picture?" First the bathtub, now the stovetop.* I swear, if I find you in my sink one of these days...well, I'll probably just laugh some more. And then spend a half hour cleaning cat hair out of the drain.

Dear Lily,

You only weigh six pounds. Your growl is three times as big as you are. How does your little furry body hold that much righteous anger? And for the record, you're not fooling anyone when you calmly walk by the other cats while distractedly grumbling kitty invectives to yourself. Give it up and admit you're getting used to them.

Dear Rika,

How are YOU the normal one?? ;D

Love,
The Not-Furry One.

* The stove is not getting used lately. FAR too hot up here. It's just got a nice cool glass cooktop that apparently attracts hot cats.
"Ah, yes. I forgot you've taken levels in Defeating Paperwork."


Ser Lucien Liliane

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1168 on: September 09, 2013, 04:35:12 PM »
*sigh*

Dear Sophie,

I have no idea if you're the world's smartest kitten, or the world's most idiotically lucky kitten. I have no idea just HOW you figured out you can hook your claws into the window screen patch and remove it. And I really have no idea why in the bloody hell you think that it is anywhere near appropriate to do that just to let the WASPS in so you can PLAY WITH THEM!!!

Seriously, cat. Stop it. I don't know whether wasp stings will kill me, and I have absolutely NO desire to find out.

Grr arg,
The Not-Furry One who is sick and tired of replacing that patch every time you pull it off. >:(
"Ah, yes. I forgot you've taken levels in Defeating Paperwork."


Fliss

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1169 on: September 09, 2013, 05:29:47 PM »

Congratulations, Demons! You have managed to completely destroy the left arm of the lounge.

Admittedly, it was a 2nd hand lounge from the Salvos and quite old, and you have been working on chewing it for the last 18 months, but seriously? I came out one morning and found it detached on the floor in pieces! You get heavy-duty chews every day, and vege pigs ears; how can you possibly still want to chew a lounge?

The next one is going to have tubular steel arms and be one of those bed convertable ones.
Good news! Your insurance company says they'll cover you. Unfortunately, they also say it will be with dirt.