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Author Topic: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat  (Read 635191 times)

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Ser Lucien Liliane

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1200 on: September 18, 2013, 09:17:06 PM »
Dear Rika,

You know how to play? You know how to play?? :o I think getting a kitten, no matter how inadvertently, has been very good for you.

Now will you just stop getting your undercoat all tangled up? I don't like having to comb it any more than you like having me do it.

Love,
the Not-Furry One.
"This is the kind of nonsense up with which I will not put."


PastryGoddess

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1201 on: September 18, 2013, 10:03:56 PM »
Dear Gretchen,

Yes I love you and you are the most beautiful, wonderful, lovely cat EVAR.  However, just because I'm not petting you every 5 seconds doesn't mean I don't love you.  I have work to do and I need both of my hands. 

Going to the top of the stairs and loudly listing every single one of my faults will not get you scritches any faster.  Inducing the other cats to join in will get the door closed in your face. 

ladyknight1

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1202 on: September 19, 2013, 11:51:04 AM »
Mocha,

I understand it. You are a kitten. You are rambunctious. However, you enjoy being held by humans whether sitting or standing.

Do not jump from the standing human and dive head first for the floor!

Mommy
ďAll that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost."
-J.R.R Tolkien

Seraphia

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1203 on: September 19, 2013, 12:19:48 PM »
My lithe and lovely Luna-balloona,

You are a beautiful, shiny, adorable kitten-pants, and we love having you in our house.

That said, Mommy would like to raise a couple issues with you:

1) The TV is not a frame for live-action kitty pictures. Your posing in front of Daddy's football games is just going to get you put upstairs for the duration of the sports season. Ditto video games and movies.

2) We do not want to squash you into cat paste, so please stop diving down the stairs beneath our feet. You are small and we are big, and that is eventually not going to end well.

3) The other two cats were here first. Please stop starting fights that you can't finish and then complaining at us when the big kitties thwap you back. That is your own darn fault.

4) Please check that the window is open before diving headfirst into it. As cute as the sight of a kitty in a neck stabilizer might be in theory, we really don't have the money to spend on treating any brain damage.

Much love,
Mommy
Ancora Imparo - I am still learning

Firecat

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1204 on: September 19, 2013, 12:46:28 PM »
Dear Xena:

Let me assure you that I do appreciate your desire to snuggle with me this morning. Your plans would not have been disrupted by your chosen bedwarmer getting up to use the bathroom at 4:30 am if you had NOT spent several minutes TROMPING ON MY BLADDER before settling down.

Glaring at me when I made you move so I could get out of the bed was just twisting the knife.

But I do love you in spite of that.

Love,

The Bedwarmer and Provider of Food and Pets

DollyPond

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1205 on: September 19, 2013, 01:15:43 PM »
Dear Seda,

Yes I know it was a traumatic experience for you to get your head through the handle of a plastic grocery bag and then believe that said bag was trying to kill you.  The full speed tear through the house knocking over everything in your way was ample evidence of that.

However you do not need to cling as close as possible to me day and night for two days.  No zombie apocalypse bags are coming for you.

It is cute though.

Love, Your Human Protector

missanpan

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1206 on: September 19, 2013, 01:57:41 PM »
Dear Momo,

Who appointed you official alarm clock of the household? Trying to get me up before the real alarm clock goes off will result in you getting a bear hug and kitty squeeze before I head back to sleep. We all know how much you LOOOOVE bear hugs and kitty squeezes.

Love,

the sleepy giver of food and scritches

magicdomino

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1207 on: September 19, 2013, 02:53:24 PM »
Dear Xena,

Sleeping on a human's lower abdominal area is a very effective way of getting that human up, as you have discovered.  If your human has one of those little boxes that suddenly become noisy in the morning, I recommend that you wait until close to that time to nap on the human.  Humans have difficulty getting up in the morning, even when awakened by a noisy box, so your assistance at that time will be appreciated.   More importantly, it ensures that your breakfast is served on time.

Magic

misha412

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1208 on: September 19, 2013, 08:58:07 PM »
My dearest Renji,

We have had this discussion before, but I hope this time sticks.

Chewing power cords is dangerous for felines. Electricity and kitty saliva do not mix. Mommy and Daddy could come home to fried kitty. Not a good thing. Plus, Daddy is NOT happy that two computer power cords are now chewed up.

Now, we got the icky spray to put on the cords and new cord covers. If we see you making funny faces and foaming at the mouth, we will know what is going on. Just leave them alone.

I love you my big tom kitty. No chewing the cords.

Love, the female human who loves to give you chin skritchies

greencat

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1209 on: September 19, 2013, 10:18:14 PM »
Dear female cats,

The kittens do not need to be punished for approaching you.  They appear to have an excellent understanding that with four in the litter, they have plenty of playmates and do not need to chew on the adult cats.  Mama cat, I do see that you might be a bit fed up with the lot.  Princess, I guess you're always like this anyway, and I don't know why I bother expecting you to be polite anymore.

Dear Moose,

You are such a good boy!  Now, if you could just administer adorable licks to the kittens while I have a camera aimed at you...

Dear Kittens,

What the eHell did you do to my bathroom?!?!?!? Also my kitchen!  Actually, the whole house.  Yikes.

Specifically,

Dear Batkittens,
I despair of telling you apart from each other.  You have leapfrogging growth spurts so I can't use one of you being slightly bigger than the other as a reliable guide.  I have to flip you over to check for the Bat Signal on Adam West Batman's stomach to make sure I've got the right kitten for administering flea meds and the like.

Dear Joker,
I'm glad you seem to be leaving behind that extremely skittish stage you were in and warming up to me again.

Dear Penguin,
You are starting to look as goofy as your personality.  Cats with Siamese genes are supposed to start out light colored and get darker around the perimeter.  You started out mostly black and now most of you has turned gray...

And as an addendum, so he doesn't feel left out:

Dear Rocky,

You are such a good boy.  I'm glad the fish-based dog food has solved your horrible dandruff problem.  I'm sorry Moose keeps trying to eat it. 

Love,

The Zookeeper

Firecat

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1210 on: September 20, 2013, 08:57:24 AM »
Dear Xena,

Sleeping on a human's lower abdominal area is a very effective way of getting that human up, as you have discovered.  If your human has one of those little boxes that suddenly become noisy in the morning, I recommend that you wait until close to that time to nap on the human.  Humans have difficulty getting up in the morning, even when awakened by a noisy box, so your assistance at that time will be appreciated.   More importantly, it ensures that your breakfast is served on time.

Magic

Dear Magic,

But mostly, I want the nice warm humans to stay put so I have a proper napping platform and scritches on demand. My humans give me the yummy wet food for supper, not breakfast; I have to make do with crunchies the rest of the time. Why DO humans insist on having those silly noisy boxes?

Xena

daen

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1211 on: September 22, 2013, 02:25:00 PM »
Dear Bear and Nitro,

We'll be back in a few days, so put up with That Other Guy feeding you and taking care of the litter box a little longer. The Nice Young Lady did her best, too.

Please don't hate us for having had you cat-sit while we were away for the year. You would have hated the traveling and the new space even more.

Looking forward to scritching you behind the ears.
Love,
The Nice Lady and The Nice Guy
(who used to live with you, and will again soon)

Ser Lucien Liliane

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1212 on: September 22, 2013, 02:31:45 PM »
Dear fluffballs - yes, all four of you.

Yes, I am changing your food. You guys eat ridiculous amounts of food and the stuff I HAD you on is far too expensive, especially considering it doesn't even last an entire month with four little piglets in fur coats noshing on it. Get used to the new stuff. (This means you, Rika. You are far too picky for your own good. I don't care if you don't like fish. You WILL eat the new stuff.)

And whoever's horking all over the carpet, stop that. I have no idea if you're gorging yourself or just have a hairball, but I am getting really sick of cleaning up your hork. Literally. You don't want to make me be violently ill from dealing with mass amounts of cat barf, now do you?

Also, Rika? How the eHell did you manage to get the insides of your back legs so matted up?? I brush you daily! Now I'm going to have to pin you in the most awkward position ever and shave your underside! Don't you dare bite me, cat.

Love, though some days I'm not sure why,
the Not-Furry One.
"This is the kind of nonsense up with which I will not put."


Midnight Kitty

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1213 on: September 23, 2013, 06:57:32 PM »
Dear Buddy;

That was an inventive wake up alarm you employed when I tried to catch a few extra winks. Sitting on the washer (bottom of the washer/dryer combo) and rattling the bamboo bead curtain made enough noise to make getting up more attractive than the extra ZZZs.

Zoo Food Service
"The first rule is to keep an untroubled spirit.  The second is to look things in the face and know them for what they are."

Marcus Aurelius

Nikko-chan

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1214 on: October 02, 2013, 10:58:59 PM »
Dear Ciaran,

What on earth possessed you to try to eat the last bit of chili dog I left on my plate after dinner!? I even found a bit of the bun all the way in the bathroom, and the telltale crumbs on your chin aren't helping your case either, mister!

Sincerely,

She who should learn to not leave ANYTHING within your reach.