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Author Topic: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat  (Read 793969 times)

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atirial

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1215 on: October 03, 2013, 04:48:54 AM »
Dear Stephen,

I know I haven't been well for a few days, and you are concerned your two-legged food dispensor is not functioning. However the following do not help matters.

1) Laying your paw on my hand to check I am awake is cute. Flexing your claws when you do that, is not! I have punctures.

2) Waking up unable to move my head at 3a.m. is not good. Discovering it's because 7 kilos of cat has sat on my hair with two paws on my head is worse - followed by the dreaded nose-and-drool in ear when I could not do anything about it! Your sister was staring at you from the other side of the pillow, wondering if you were mad.

I am sorry you revolved across the bed when I pulled the pillow out from under you, but you had that coming.

Regards,
She-who-fills-food-bowls

P.S. And in these situations your Daddy need to stop laughing and help.

greencat

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1216 on: October 03, 2013, 08:25:27 PM »
Batkittens,

One of you two is cute and affectionate.  The other of you is a finger-nibbling demonbeast.  Cease and desist chewing on my fingers!

Love,

Not-a-snack

Fliss

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1217 on: October 04, 2013, 10:44:05 PM »

Listen up Demons!

When the Humans go to bed, it's sleepy time for you as well! Lights out does not signify you two taking turns to jump up and down from the bed. You are let out several times before bed time, so you don't need loo breaks.

If you want your mummy to continue getting up at 5am to let you and the chickens out and give you breakfast, she needs her sleep! Otherwise you'll just have to starve your way through to 7am before she goes to work. So no more jumping, or the Humans will cut off your vege pigs ear supply.

Your supplier of chews.
Good news! Your insurance company says they'll cover you. Unfortunately, they also say it will be with dirt.

Ser Lucien Liliane

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1218 on: October 04, 2013, 11:08:29 PM »
Dear cats,

How did you end up with FLEAS?! I darn well know you didn't have them a couple days ago! Augh! Fleas!

And no, I'm not going to be very happy if you end up giving them to the dogs when they come home Sunday. I JUST cleaned that room, for fluff's sake. (Unless that's where you got them, in which case, it's probably my fault because I likely carried them up here and I'm sorry. I'm so terribly sorry.)

Just hold out till tomorrow when I can get you the flea-killing pills. You'll hate me, but at least you won't have FLEAS anymore.

Love,
the panicking Not-Furry One.

(FLEAS! *sobs*)
"Ah, yes. I forgot you've taken levels in Defeating Paperwork."


Nikko-chan

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1219 on: October 06, 2013, 10:54:34 PM »
Dear Ciaran,

Cease and desist gnawing and scratching your grandmother, or you are out of here. She has said so. And quit bothering your sister. She is not a toy.

Sincerely,

The Servant.

Nikko-chan

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1220 on: October 09, 2013, 07:47:53 PM »
Dear Ciaran,

Quit slurping and grunting as you lick your fur. Its not very gentlemanly.

Thank you.

She who gives you noms.

greencat

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1221 on: October 09, 2013, 08:03:23 PM »
Good evening Joker,

There appear to be some discrepancies in our understanding of the purpose of this shallow depression in an elevated surface.



Please do not make me demonstrate the purpose of said depression to you.

Thank you,

The management.

I washed my hands in the kitchen sink instead  :-X

Ser Lucien Liliane

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1222 on: October 09, 2013, 08:27:30 PM »
Dear Sophie,

I'm glad to see you're not afraid of the vacuum. However...

IT IS NOT A TOY.

Please to be leaving the cord alone while I'm vacuuming, and get your tail out of the way while you're at it, will you?

Mumble grumble,
the Not-Furry One.
"Ah, yes. I forgot you've taken levels in Defeating Paperwork."


finecabernet

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1223 on: October 09, 2013, 10:21:55 PM »
Dear Samantha Cat: The moth you are pursuing is on the other side of the glass. You can't get at it, not matter how hard you try. Your human.

Venus193

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1224 on: October 10, 2013, 09:02:59 AM »
Good evening Joker,

There appear to be some discrepancies in our understanding of the purpose of this shallow depression in an elevated surface.



Please do not make me demonstrate the purpose of said depression to you.

Thank you,

The management.

I washed my hands in the kitchen sink instead  :-X

Dear Joker:

Are you my long-lost brother?  We seem to have an affinity for strange containers:



Purrs and head-bumps,

Carmen





Snooks

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1225 on: October 10, 2013, 11:52:14 AM »
Good evening Joker,

There appear to be some discrepancies in our understanding of the purpose of this shallow depression in an elevated surface.



Please do not make me demonstrate the purpose of said depression to you.

Thank you,

The management.

I washed my hands in the kitchen sink instead  :-X

Memo
To: The Management
From: Joker
Subject: Shallow depression(s) in elevated surface(s)

I have frequently demonstrated to you the correct use of the shallow depression in the elevated surface in the bathroom, please take note of this and refrain from further saturation of the surface with your misuse of the area.

Ms_Cellany

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1226 on: October 10, 2013, 12:29:25 PM »
Dear Joker,

You're right. They're wrong.



Regards,
Luna
Bingle bongle dingle dangle yickity-do yickity-dah ping-pong lippy-toppy too tah.

Midnight Kitty

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1227 on: October 10, 2013, 03:19:35 PM »
Good evening Joker,

There appear to be some discrepancies in our understanding of the purpose of this shallow depression in an elevated surface.



Please do not make me demonstrate the purpose of said depression to you.

Thank you,

The management.

I washed my hands in the kitchen sink instead  :-X

Dear Joker:

Are you my long-lost brother?  We seem to have an affinity for strange containers:



Purrs and head-bumps,

Carmen
Joker's whiskers are ridiculously long.

My Bootsie was a Tuxedo, too, and she loved the sink.  I don't have a photo sharing account on line, but she looks just like Carmen except Bootsie's nose was black.  The white cheeks and bib formed a heart when she looked up a me. :-*
"The first rule is to keep an untroubled spirit.  The second is to look things in the face and know them for what they are."

Marcus Aurelius

greencat

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1228 on: October 13, 2013, 08:49:56 PM »
Amendment to the previous letter to Joker:

No, Joker, you may not has my hairbrush while you lay in the sink.  Even if you are a dapper kitten.



Penguin, you are cute, and I do like holding you on my lap, but lying in wait across the back of the toilet seat is a bit much.



BatKittens, your occupation of the laundry basket is probably pretty normal.  The occupation of the shower (not pictured, for that kitten woke up and ended up around my ankles while I photographed the others) is not.  The destruction of my second new shower curtain in a month was not appreciated either.



In other words, kittens, may I please use the bathroom sometime soon?

Love,

The hoomin.

Ser Lucien Liliane

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1229 on: October 17, 2013, 05:20:43 AM »
Dear Lily,

I'm glad you've found the most comfortable portion of my bed to sleep on. I'm also very well aware that it's getting colder at night, that's why me and my malfunctioning ability to warm up have dug out the Floofy Feather Blanket.

But do you really have to plop yourself down where my feet go and knead yourself a nice comfortable warm nest so I can't even get under the blankets without disturbing you, much less stretch out?

At least it's not my body pillow again, and now I've said that I'm sure you're going to go right back to conquering it too. I'm surprised you haven't already. All the feathers are there.

Dear Sophie,

Yes, I'm VERY well aware I injured your dignity by putting hairball goo on your paw. You really don't need to keep on giving me wounded looks and shaking your paw about to remind me what I've done. That's what you get for horking so hard you sounded like you were going to turn yourself inside out and producing absolutely nothing to show for it. I think you woke the dog with all that racket.

Dear Rika,

You cannot have the lap if you insist on digging your claws happily into my kneecap. I'd wonder why you only do that when I'm wearing long pants, but then I remember a perforated knee is not my favorite thing in the world, and if you've GOT to do it, I'd rather you did it when there's a layer of fabric between you and me.

Dear Branwen,

Get up and get a job, you lazy bum. ;)

Love,
The Not-Furry One.

(
Lily conquering the blanket. She got quite irate that I'd made the bed just before then and ruined her previous little nest.)
"Ah, yes. I forgot you've taken levels in Defeating Paperwork."