S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat

[Ms_Cellany]

Dear Foot-Foot,

What a creative use of a household object as a cat toy, and what a mighty leap you made I bring your prey into the bed! Where did you find the brand-new fuzzy paint pad, anyway?

Love,
She who also loves fuzzy paint pads

[greencat]

Kittens,

Though you are mightily cute, I happen to enjoy cooking without ankle weights.

Love,
The human mommy, who still loves you even though your feline mommy no longer wants anything to do with you.

[guihong]

Dear Izzy and Gracie:

It's 3:40 A.M.  The two of you were racing around like the Indy 500.  Then Izzy, you big handsome boy, were meowing as only Bombays can, until I finally caved and fixed you your cans. 

Now you're both sleeping on my side of the bed, and I'm out here on Ehell.  Something's wrong with this picture (not to you!)

With love,
The Sucker

[atirial]

Dear Stephen,

I know I haven't been well for a few days, and you are concerned your two-legged food dispensor is not functioning. However the following do not help matters.

1) Laying your paw on my hand to check I am awake is cute. Flexing your claws when you do that, is not! I have punctures.

2) Waking up unable to move my head at 3a.m. is not good. Discovering it's because 7 kilos of cat has sat on my hair with two paws on my head is worse - followed by the dreaded nose-and-drool in ear when I could not do anything about it! Your sister was staring at you from the other side of the pillow, wondering if you were mad.

I am sorry you revolved across the bed when I pulled the pillow out from under you, but you had that coming.

Regards,
She-who-fills-food-bowls

P.S. And in these situations your Daddy need to stop laughing and help.

[greencat]

Batkittens,

One of you two is cute and affectionate.  The other of you is a finger-nibbling demonbeast.  Cease and desist chewing on my fingers!

Love,

Not-a-snack

[Fliss]

Listen up Demons!

When the Humans go to bed, it's sleepy time for you as well! Lights out does not signify you two taking turns to jump up and down from the bed. You are let out several times before bed time, so you don't need loo breaks.

If you want your mummy to continue getting up at 5am to let you and the chickens out and give you breakfast, she needs her sleep! Otherwise you'll just have to starve your way through to 7am before she goes to work. So no more jumping, or the Humans will cut off your vege pigs ear supply.

Your supplier of chews.

[Ser Lucien Liliane]

Dear cats,

How did you end up with FLEAS?! I darn well know you didn't have them a couple days ago! Augh! Fleas!

And no, I'm not going to be very happy if you end up giving them to the dogs when they come home Sunday. I JUST cleaned that room, for fluff's sake. (Unless that's where you got them, in which case, it's probably my fault because I likely carried them up here and I'm sorry. I'm so terribly sorry.)

Just hold out till tomorrow when I can get you the flea-killing pills. You'll hate me, but at least you won't have FLEAS anymore.

Love,
the panicking Not-Furry One.

(FLEAS! *sobs*)

[Nikko-chan]

Dear Ciaran,

Cease and desist gnawing and scratching your grandmother, or you are out of here. She has said so. And quit bothering your sister. She is not a toy.

Sincerely,

The Servant.

[Nikko-chan]

Dear Ciaran,

Quit slurping and grunting as you lick your fur. Its not very gentlemanly.

Thank you.

She who gives you noms.

[greencat]

Good evening Joker,

There appear to be some discrepancies in our understanding of the purpose of this shallow depression in an elevated surface.



Please do not make me demonstrate the purpose of said depression to you.

Thank you,

The management.

I washed my hands in the kitchen sink instead 

[Ser Lucien Liliane]

Dear Sophie,

I'm glad to see you're not afraid of the vacuum. However...

IT IS NOT A TOY.

Please to be leaving the cord alone while I'm vacuuming, and get your tail out of the way while you're at it, will you?

Mumble grumble,
the Not-Furry One.

[finecabernet]

Dear Samantha Cat: The moth you are pursuing is on the other side of the glass. You can't get at it, not matter how hard you try. Your human.

[Venus193]

Good evening Joker,

There appear to be some discrepancies in our understanding of the purpose of this shallow depression in an elevated surface.



Please do not make me demonstrate the purpose of said depression to you.

Thank you,

The management.

I washed my hands in the kitchen sink instead 

Dear Joker:

Are you my long-lost brother?  We seem to have an affinity for strange containers:



Purrs and head-bumps,

Carmen

[Snooks]

Good evening Joker,

There appear to be some discrepancies in our understanding of the purpose of this shallow depression in an elevated surface.



Please do not make me demonstrate the purpose of said depression to you.

Thank you,

The management.

I washed my hands in the kitchen sink instead 

Memo
To: The Management
From: Joker
Subject: Shallow depression(s) in elevated surface(s)

I have frequently demonstrated to you the correct use of the shallow depression in the elevated surface in the bathroom, please take note of this and refrain from further saturation of the surface with your misuse of the area.

[Ms_Cellany]

Dear Joker,

You're right. They're wrong.



Regards,
Luna