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Author Topic: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat  (Read 639739 times)

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Figgie

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1260 on: October 29, 2013, 08:43:48 PM »
Dear Mike,

It is bad enough that you steal anything that isn't nailed down and that you know how to open up childproof latches that the kids weren't able to figure out until I showed them at age 8.  But the continual flushing of the toilet must.stop.NOW!

And I am not at all happy that not only have you learned how to flush the toilet, you also know how to open up the lid so that you can stand there and watch the water go down and refill. 

Love,
                       Mike's Mom

You are missing a golden opportunity here!  Teach him to sit on the toilet instead of the litter box, and since he already knows how to flush, you'll never have to change the litter box again!

He has a litter mate brother who, while quite sweet, is dumb as the proverbial box of rocks.  I've actually never known a cat who runs into the wall, sits down and shakes his head and then slams into it again because he can't figure out that the wall isn't going to move for him.

Mike is extremely intelligent and an exceptionally annoying cat to live with.  While he would be easy to train to use the toilet, he lives for his idiot brother using the box, because idiot brother has never learned how to cover up anything.  Mike hangs around the box basically waiting impatiently for brother Spike to finish so that Mike (the groundskeeper is what my spouse calls him) can jump in and bury everything, smoothing it over so well that I can't always tell a cat has been in there.

Mike is the reason that all of the remotes are in a drawer.  He figured out that if he (and lord, he is a patient cat), pushes buttons, eventually the tv will turn on.  Scared the holy hell out of us several times at 2 a.m. when all of sudden the tv starts blasting some infomercial. 

I have to put them in a drawer that doesn't have knobs as the little blankety blank has figured out how to hook his teeth around the knobs and pull open drawers with knobs. 

He is always watching everything we do so that he can figure out how to do it himself.  As stupid as it sounds, I shut him in the bedroom if I am going to be doing something that I don't want him to learn how to do by watching.
« Last Edit: October 29, 2013, 08:45:48 PM by Figgie »

Elfmama

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1261 on: October 29, 2013, 09:10:54 PM »
Dear Mike,

It is bad enough that you steal anything that isn't nailed down and that you know how to open up childproof latches that the kids weren't able to figure out until I showed them at age 8.  But the continual flushing of the toilet must.stop.NOW!

And I am not at all happy that not only have you learned how to flush the toilet, you also know how to open up the lid so that you can stand there and watch the water go down and refill. 

Love,
                       Mike's Mom
Turn the water off to the toilet, and only turn it back on when YOU need it.  If the tank doesn't fill, he can't flush it.  It takes more hand-strength than a cat has to move that valve handle.
« Last Edit: October 29, 2013, 09:12:43 PM by Elfmama »
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Common sense is not a gift, but a curse.  Because then
you have to deal with all the people who don't have it.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Figgie

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1262 on: October 29, 2013, 09:27:20 PM »
Dear Mike,

It is bad enough that you steal anything that isn't nailed down and that you know how to open up childproof latches that the kids weren't able to figure out until I showed them at age 8.  But the continual flushing of the toilet must.stop.NOW!

And I am not at all happy that not only have you learned how to flush the toilet, you also know how to open up the lid so that you can stand there and watch the water go down and refill. 

Love,
                       Mike's Mom
Turn the water off to the toilet, and only turn it back on when YOU need it.  If the tank doesn't fill, he can't flush it.  It takes more hand-strength than a cat has to move that valve handle.

Right now I am just keeping the door shut.  He hasn't figured out how to turn door knobs, since they are too big for his mouth to fit around and he doesn't have paws big enough.  :) 

My spouse had to learn the hard way to shut the bathroom door tightly.  He was showering when the toilet flushed and the water turned very hot.  He looked out to see Mike standing up at the toilet watching the water in the bowl.  :)

greencat

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1263 on: October 29, 2013, 10:26:01 PM »
Dear Mike,

It is bad enough that you steal anything that isn't nailed down and that you know how to open up childproof latches that the kids weren't able to figure out until I showed them at age 8.  But the continual flushing of the toilet must.stop.NOW!

And I am not at all happy that not only have you learned how to flush the toilet, you also know how to open up the lid so that you can stand there and watch the water go down and refill. 

Love,
                       Mike's Mom
Turn the water off to the toilet, and only turn it back on when YOU need it.  If the tank doesn't fill, he can't flush it.  It takes more hand-strength than a cat has to move that valve handle.

Right now I am just keeping the door shut.  He hasn't figured out how to turn door knobs, since they are too big for his mouth to fit around and he doesn't have paws big enough.  :) 

My spouse had to learn the hard way to shut the bathroom door tightly.  He was showering when the toilet flushed and the water turned very hot.  He looked out to see Mike standing up at the toilet watching the water in the bowl.  :)

Check your door knobs - one of my smart cats once realized that on some of them, he could hook his claws into the little seam in the metal on the part that extends the knob away from the door, and therefore turn the knob.  Locking the bathroom door became mandatory after that discovery.

Elfmama

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1264 on: October 29, 2013, 10:50:44 PM »
Leslie Fish's cats: http://www.lesliefish.com/cats.htm

She bred a line of cats strictly for intelligence, over several decades, and she got military genius cats.   >:D
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Common sense is not a gift, but a curse.  Because then
you have to deal with all the people who don't have it.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

greencat

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1265 on: October 29, 2013, 11:08:38 PM »
Leslie Fish's cats: http://www.lesliefish.com/cats.htm

She bred a line of cats strictly for intelligence, over several decades, and she got military genius cats.   >:D

I'm going to go pet my cats, and be grateful that they're not that smart!

diesel_darlin

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1266 on: October 30, 2013, 01:26:21 AM »
Bubba, I normally adore your meows because they are usually quite rare. You almost never meow. Please tell me why you have decided to start meowing your furry little head off at 2am?

Nikko-chan

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1267 on: October 30, 2013, 03:15:41 AM »
Bubba, I normally adore your meows because they are usually quite rare. You almost never meow. Please tell me why you have decided to start meowing your furry little head off at 2am?

Dear Not Furry Mama,

It's cause i'm hungry. Gooshifud please.

Love,

Bubba

ladyknight1

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1268 on: October 30, 2013, 08:56:44 AM »
Mocha,

You have ample access to toys, food, affection and things to climb on.

Why are you now climbing the dressers and the bookcases? You are not a furniture surfer. Last night's bedtime antics resulted in you being evicted from the bedroom.

Love,

Your adopted mum
ďAll that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost."
-J.R.R Tolkien

atirial

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1269 on: October 30, 2013, 09:24:44 AM »
Dear Stephen,

I know when you are sick we usually shove a newspaper under you to catch it. I didn't know you were smart enough to learn to do it for yourself (we thought it was co-incidence the first time).  Hurtling off the sofa to make sick noises left me scrambling for a newspaper, only to find you were already using the one that had just come through the door. Thank you, it saved me a lot of work.

Please teach your sister this.

Regards,
Your loving mummy.

Free Range Hippy Chick

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1270 on: October 30, 2013, 11:04:05 AM »
Dear Stable Cat

It is autumn in England. The ground is wet. I appreciate that this is unsatisfactory but it isn't my fault. I also know that you are an Up Cat who likes to be high, but when you climb my legs to get away from the wet ground, it hurts. You have Pointy Endz. You look very beautiful, draped around my neck, and you're lovely and warm, but you are also heavy and I don't think you do my arthritic shoulder a lot of good. Also, I can't put on my body protector when you are there. Yes, I do need to put you down so that I may have my riding lesson. I know you like the horses but I don't know if they like you. It still isn't my fault that the ground is wet. You don't need me to carry you back to your front door; you can walk. Stop shouting in my ear from a distance of four inches. You are very loud.

Dear My Very Own Home Cat

Yes, I know that I smell of Strange Other Cat. That was Stable Cat who assaulted me with the Pointy Endz and insisted on being cuddled. It wasn't my fault!

Love
The One with the Opposable Thumbs and the Can Opener

greencat

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1271 on: October 30, 2013, 11:19:57 AM »
Mocha,

You have ample access to toys, food, affection and things to climb on.

Why are you now climbing the dressers and the bookcases? You are not a furniture surfer. Last night's bedtime antics resulted in you being evicted from the bedroom.

Love,

Your adopted mum

Dear adopted mom,

I'm a kitten.

Love,
Mocha

diesel_darlin

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1272 on: October 30, 2013, 04:31:24 PM »
Bubba, I normally adore your meows because they are usually quite rare. You almost never meow. Please tell me why you have decided to start meowing your furry little head off at 2am?

Dear Not Furry Mama,

It's cause i'm hungry. Gooshifud please.

Love,

Bubba



I laughed so hard at this.  ;D I work weird hours, and poor boy apparently doesn't approve. After I let him in the bedroom and rubbed him about 10 different times throughout the night, he finally laid down and went to sleep. 

Nikko-chan

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1273 on: October 31, 2013, 02:49:38 AM »
Dear Ciaran,

Yes I know your man parts are gone. And I am sorry I have to shoot pain medicine down your throat via a syringe. Please quit glaring at me.

Sincerely,

Your Dutiful Servant.

AlephReish

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1274 on: November 10, 2013, 01:42:20 PM »
Dearest, darling Gracie,
   It's not really okay that you observe from the counters when I'm cooking. It's even less okay when you jump from the counter to my shoulder when I'm on the other side of the kitchen. And it's least okay when you can't stop your momentum and end up in my just measured 3/4 cup of milk.

Love,
Mom