S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat

[readingchick]

Dear Ciaran,

Yes I know your man parts are gone. And I am sorry I have to shoot pain medicine down your throat via a syringe. Please quit glaring at me.

Sincerely,

Your Dutiful Servant.

Hey Dutiful Servant,

My twootters are gone, do you really think I'm not going to glare at you?

Regards,
Ciaran

*snortchokelaughgasp* Twootters *giggle uncontrollably*

Glad I could be of service! It's a family euphemism.....my mother came up with it when watching the Fox News ticker and there was something about two otters....no space between the "two" and the "otters" = perfect euphemism for the missing manparts

[twiggy]

Dear Ninja,

I'm sorry Baby tried to baptize you this morning. I fully support your right to choose your own religion and I would never dream of forcing our beliefs on you. I'm especially sorry that he tried to baptize you in the toilet. Again, I'm very sorry.

Love, the buyer of Heathen Kitty treats

[magicdomino]

Dear treat dispenser,

I forgive you.  The Great Goddess Bast, however, is going to leave a deposit of Sacred Barf somewhere you least expect it. 

Love, Ninja

[blue2000]

Dear Mikey. Dear sweet, insane Mikey.

I know you are a chubby butt. There is a lot of lead in that back end. I also know you are not the most co-ordinated kitty. And you have not improved with age.That is why I rearranged the bedroom to give you a stairstep up to the bed, so you wouldn't fall and bruise your dignity again.

I don't know why I bothered. You have played on it, sat on it, sniffed it, and generally enjoyed it - and yet when you want up on the bed, you usually stand beside it and try to jump like always. This is why your sister and I laugh at you.

Your exasperated Mama.

[greencat]

Dear kittenbeasts:

I have finally impressed upon my hemming and hawwing friends that if they do not accept some of you half-grown kittens shortly, then all of you will be heading to the no-kill shelter.  Therefore, some of you will be interviewing for permanent homes with my responsible friends in the next month.  Please be on your least annoying behavior during the interview process so they take you!

Love,

greencat, candidate for the neighborhood crazy cat lady position.

[snowfire]

Scooter,

I am willing to pet you and cuddle you.  You don't have to sit right in front of the monitor to get my attention. 

Your loving human.

[Tea Drinker]

Scooter,

I am willing to pet you and cuddle you.  You don't have to sit right in front of the monitor to get my attention. 

Your loving human.

Dear Snowfire,

But you sometimes wait whole minutes before stroking me otherwise!

And there are otters and birds on the monitor.

*purr*

Snowfire

[ladyknight1]

Dear Mocha,

I understand your attempts to remind me what a mess my jewelry craft table is are important. However, knocking everything off the foam pad was not cool or conducive to your human getting her stuff together for work in the morning. Work, that thing that pays for your food, toys, scratch pads and place to live.

Love,

The human

[Liliane]

Dear Sophie,

Will you STOP trying to lull the dog into a false sense of security? It's not working. Nuzzling up to him like he's the best thing since sliced bread only makes him that little bit more suspicious of you. Until he forgets five minutes later and lets you coax him up the stairs again, anyway...

Dear Lily,

Speaking of sliced bread, you really need to not eat any bread products, or in fact any food, inadvertently left on the stove downstairs. The parents are getting mightily sick of throwing out food with angry kitty teeth marks in it.

Dear Rika,

I'm very pleased that you've learned to play, but please, stop chasing the kitten across the room at full speed, you sound like an elephant on methamphetamines.

Dear Branwen,

Why, why, WHY can't you hork in the kitchen or bathroom where it's easy to clean up?!

Sigh,
The Not-Furry One.

[Nikko-chan]

Dear Ciaran,

I know you love to sit in the sink while i am taking a bath. I don't mind it. But will you please stop sitting on the sink and staring at me like you want to kill me and eat my carcass?

Sincerely

Your very creeped out (and scared) mama.

[ladyknight1]

Oh, and Mocha, even if I didn't know that you are biologically female, your crazy attraction to sparkly jewelry would tell me.

[Elfmama]

Dear Ciaran,

I know you love to sit in the sink while i am taking a bath. I don't mind it. But will you please stop sitting on the sink and staring at me like you want to kill me and eat my carcass?

Sincerely

Your very creeped out (and scared) mama.

Dear Mama,

I am staring at you because I cannot believe my eyes.  You are totally immersing yourself in that evil liquid, WATER!  What on earth is the matter with you?!  I KNOW that you have a perfectly good tongue, because I hear you make mouth noises with it!  Bathe with it, the way Bast intended!

Love, Ciaran

[snowfire]

Scooter,

I am willing to pet you and cuddle you.  You don't have to sit right in front of the monitor to get my attention. 

Your loving human.

But you sometimes wait whole minutes before stroking me otherwise!

And there are otters and birds on the monitor.

Actually, there were three kitten cams and EHell in 4 different windows.    At least she doesn't lie on my hands like my 16 pound tomcat, or insist in being held like a baby like one of the others. 

Cats.....what are you going to do? 

[greencat]

Baby-mama Kitty,

Your "It's 6AM!  Time to pet the cat!" routine is not appreciated.  Sleep time lasts until the alarm noise happens.

Love,

The babysitter.

[guihong]

Baby-mama Kitty,

Your "It's 6AM!  Time to pet the cat!" routine is not appreciated.  Sleep time lasts until the alarm noise happens.

Love,

The babysitter.

Dear Baby-Mama:

You are being a squish, allowing the hoomins to sleep until 6AM.  5:30 or better yet, 5AM, is "pet the cat" time!  You have to really get your back into a meow, and sing the song of our people like you mean it!  If that fails, resort to the morning breath in the face.  You'll get the hang of catdom.

Sincerely,
Izzy and Gracie