S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat

[atirial]

Dear Stephen,

I know when you are sick we usually shove a newspaper under you to catch it. I didn't know you were smart enough to learn to do it for yourself (we thought it was co-incidence the first time).  Hurtling off the sofa to make sick noises left me scrambling for a newspaper, only to find you were already using the one that had just come through the door. Thank you, it saved me a lot of work.

Please teach your sister this.

Regards,
Your loving mummy.

[Free Range Hippy Chick]

Dear Stable Cat

It is autumn in England. The ground is wet. I appreciate that this is unsatisfactory but it isn't my fault. I also know that you are an Up Cat who likes to be high, but when you climb my legs to get away from the wet ground, it hurts. You have Pointy Endz. You look very beautiful, draped around my neck, and you're lovely and warm, but you are also heavy and I don't think you do my arthritic shoulder a lot of good. Also, I can't put on my body protector when you are there. Yes, I do need to put you down so that I may have my riding lesson. I know you like the horses but I don't know if they like you. It still isn't my fault that the ground is wet. You don't need me to carry you back to your front door; you can walk. Stop shouting in my ear from a distance of four inches. You are very loud.

Dear My Very Own Home Cat

Yes, I know that I smell of Strange Other Cat. That was Stable Cat who assaulted me with the Pointy Endz and insisted on being cuddled. It wasn't my fault!

Love
The One with the Opposable Thumbs and the Can Opener

[greencat]

Mocha,

You have ample access to toys, food, affection and things to climb on.

Why are you now climbing the dressers and the bookcases? You are not a furniture surfer. Last night's bedtime antics resulted in you being evicted from the bedroom.

Love,

Your adopted mum

Dear adopted mom,

I'm a kitten.

Love,
Mocha

[diesel_darlin]

Bubba, I normally adore your meows because they are usually quite rare. You almost never meow. Please tell me why you have decided to start meowing your furry little head off at 2am?

Dear Not Furry Mama,

It's cause i'm hungry. Gooshifud please.

Love,

Bubba

I laughed so hard at this.  I work weird hours, and poor boy apparently doesn't approve. After I let him in the bedroom and rubbed him about 10 different times throughout the night, he finally laid down and went to sleep. 

[Nikko-chan]

Dear Ciaran,

Yes I know your man parts are gone. And I am sorry I have to shoot pain medicine down your throat via a syringe. Please quit glaring at me.

Sincerely,

Your Dutiful Servant.

[AlephReish]

Dearest, darling Gracie,
   It's not really okay that you observe from the counters when I'm cooking. It's even less okay when you jump from the counter to my shoulder when I'm on the other side of the kitchen. And it's least okay when you can't stop your momentum and end up in my just measured 3/4 cup of milk.

Love,
Mom

[readingchick]

Dear Ciaran,

Yes I know your man parts are gone. And I am sorry I have to shoot pain medicine down your throat via a syringe. Please quit glaring at me.

Sincerely,

Your Dutiful Servant.

Hey Dutiful Servant,

My twootters are gone, do you really think I'm not going to glare at you?

Regards,
Ciaran

[Nikko-chan]

Dearest, darling Gracie,
   It's not really okay that you observe from the counters when I'm cooking. It's even less okay when you jump from the counter to my shoulder when I'm on the other side of the kitchen. And it's least okay when you can't stop your momentum and end up in my just measured 3/4 cup of milk.

Love,
Mom

Bwahahahahaha!

[greencat]

Dearest, darling Gracie,
   It's not really okay that you observe from the counters when I'm cooking. It's even less okay when you jump from the counter to my shoulder when I'm on the other side of the kitchen. And it's least okay when you can't stop your momentum and end up in my just measured 3/4 cup of milk.

Love,
Mom

Is Gracie short for Graceless?

[AlephReish]

Is Gracie short for Graceless?

Sigh. It really really should be.

[BarensMom]

(snip)
 You look very beautiful, draped around my neck, and you're lovely and warm, but you are also heavy and I don't think you do my arthritic shoulder a lot of good.
(snip)

Dear Nice Stable Lady:

I should think you'd be honored that I am willing to wrap myself around your neck.  BTW, I hear from other humans that heat is supposed to be good for arthritis. 

Signed,

Stable Cat

[nuit93]

Dear Ciaran,

Yes I know your man parts are gone. And I am sorry I have to shoot pain medicine down your throat via a syringe. Please quit glaring at me.

Sincerely,

Your Dutiful Servant.

Hey Dutiful Servant,

My twootters are gone, do you really think I'm not going to glare at you?

Regards,
Ciaran

*snortchokelaughgasp* Twootters *giggle uncontrollably*

[Nikko-chan]

Dear Ciaran,

Yes I know your man parts are gone. And I am sorry I have to shoot pain medicine down your throat via a syringe. Please quit glaring at me.

Sincerely,

Your Dutiful Servant.

Hey Dutiful Servant,

My twootters are gone, do you really think I'm not going to glare at you?

Regards,
Ciaran

*snortchokelaughgasp* Twootters *giggle uncontrollably*

now you have me laughing!

[readingchick]

Dear Ciaran,

Yes I know your man parts are gone. And I am sorry I have to shoot pain medicine down your throat via a syringe. Please quit glaring at me.

Sincerely,

Your Dutiful Servant.

Hey Dutiful Servant,

My twootters are gone, do you really think I'm not going to glare at you?

Regards,
Ciaran

*snortchokelaughgasp* Twootters *giggle uncontrollably*

Glad I could be of service! It's a family euphemism.....my mother came up with it when watching the Fox News ticker and there was something about two otters....no space between the "two" and the "otters" = perfect euphemism for the missing manparts

[twiggy]

Dear Ninja,

I'm sorry Baby tried to baptize you this morning. I fully support your right to choose your own religion and I would never dream of forcing our beliefs on you. I'm especially sorry that he tried to baptize you in the toilet. Again, I'm very sorry.

Love, the buyer of Heathen Kitty treats