S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat

[ladyknight1]

Dear Mocha,

I have worn socks before. Why are you suddenly attacking my poor defenseless foot? Your claws are sharp.

Puzzled,

Mom

[daen]

My dainty little princess,

I know you really have taken a shine to my Christmas slippers, but they are not your kittens.   You've never had kittens.   I do realize that said slippers do look a lot like you, but they still are not your kittens.   Please stop herding them through the house crying and chirping. It freaks me out and I think you are hurt or trapped somewhere. I would really like to Actually wear my Christmas slippers. I do not appreciate you stealing them while they are still on my feet either.

Your loving human

Dazi, I feel for you.

My nitro-kitty similarly thinks that my monkey-slippers are her kittens. She will ignore them if they're on my feet, but if I leave them in the hallway, she'll carry them (by the scruff of the neck) to the living room, to the "safe place" under the coffee table.

And if I leave them where she can find them at night, she sings lullabies to them for a quarter-hour before letting them (and me) go to sleep.

[Midnight Kitty]

Dear Buddy;

That "thing" you keep attacking is the tip of your tail.  Yes - your tail.  It is following you.  It will always follow you.  If you bite it, you will feel the pain, but go ahead and keep chasin' it!  It entertains your *Daddy* and me.

The Hairless One That Provides the Good Food

[mechtilde]

My dainty little princess,

I know you really have taken a shine to my Christmas slippers, but they are not your kittens.   You've never had kittens.   I do realize that said slippers do look a lot like you, but they still are not your kittens.   Please stop herding them through the house crying and chirping. It freaks me out and I think you are hurt or trapped somewhere. I would really like to Actually wear my Christmas slippers. I do not appreciate you stealing them while they are still on my feet either.

Your loving human

Dazi, I feel for you.

My nitro-kitty similarly thinks that my monkey-slippers are her kittens. She will ignore them if they're on my feet, but if I leave them in the hallway, she'll carry them (by the scruff of the neck) to the living room, to the "safe place" under the coffee table.

And if I leave them where she can find them at night, she sings lullabies to them for a quarter-hour before letting them (and me) go to sleep.

Sounds horribly familiar. She's calmed down a little over the years, but my girl still carried around toys, rolled up sock etc around and woe betide any other cat who even considers approaching...

[Jones]

Dear Shadow, Col and Charlie,

Daddy is recovering your cat tree with new carpet. I'm very sorry that you apparently have nowhere else in the house to hang out (could I interest you in the empty lower shelves in the entertainment center or the currently empty beds? How about the laundry hampers?) but taking out your ire out on the dogs isn't helping anyone. Take the bad attitudes to yourself or make use of the doggy door into the fenced yard, you mopey creatures. He says it will be done today, you'll get your hangout back soon.

Oh and Shadow, I don't mind you hanging out by my computer, but get your little pink tongue out of my dinner bowl. Mine!

Signed, the less than sympathetic, non-sharing human.

[AlephReish]

Dearest, darling Gracie-
   I realize this is your first winter on earth. I also realize that you have a fur coat which helps regulate your temperature, and that you can also change positions in your sleep to regulate your temp. My temperature regulation does not work that well - sometimes I need to stick a foot out from under the blankets to cool down a little. Sniffing and inspecting that foot is fine. Deciding that it is an interloper which needs to be attacked is NOT.

Yours truly,
Mom

[Ms_Cellany]

Dear Jack,

We are very happy you came out and socialized for the New Year's Day party.

You, on the other hand:



Love,
The person who thinks that is a very cunning hat.

[blue2000]

Dear Pris,

I was so worried years ago when I got you and you wouldn't eat. I had to force-feed you! I have been semi-worried all these years when you take two bites of your food and leave. I don't know how you even survive on two bites, let alone stay fat as butter.

Now suddenly in your old age you are emulating your brother and sticking your face in my cereal bowl!? What the heck!?! I don't need two of you stealing my food!

Love, your amused Mama.

[MerryCat]

Dearest, darling Gracie-
   I realize this is your first winter on earth. I also realize that you have a fur coat which helps regulate your temperature, and that you can also change positions in your sleep to regulate your temp. My temperature regulation does not work that well - sometimes I need to stick a foot out from under the blankets to cool down a little. Sniffing and inspecting that foot is fine. Deciding that it is an interloper which needs to be attacked is NOT.

Yours truly,
Mom

Dear Gracie,

Don't be fooled. Those aren't feet, those are blanket mice  that need to be trounced thoroughly at every opportunity. You may also see them moving under the blanket. Be sure to pounce on them hard then bite and bunny kick them into submission. Remember, the best time to do this is at 3 in the morning, when the un-furry ones sleeping.

Happy hunting!

Mitten

[Midnight Kitty]

Mitten - Is your brother's name Buddy? 'Cuz you 2 have a lot in common.

[twiggy]

Dear Ninja,

I love you so much, but I have no idea how one tiny kitty can take up a King sized bed. Even though Daddy slept in the guest room, I'm not going to. Dang it Ninja, that's my bed! I'm willing to share, but I am determined to sleep in my own bed. Glaring at me doesn't hurt my feelings, and if you keep pouncing on my toes, I'll put you out of the room.

Also, I know you're still upset with me for keeping you inside while your war wound healed, but biting the hand that feeds you is never a good idea. Especially since you're the one coming up to me and butting your head under my hand until I pet and scratch you. Then you turn around and nip at my fingers? Not cool Ninja, not cool.

Cordially,
The hand that feeds you

[greencat]

Dear horde of small black cats,

Did you guys multiply by budding?  I seem to have developed an extra black cat, slightly smaller than the rest...where did it come from?  Why does it expect me to feed it?  Where did it get equipped with a police siren instead of the standard meow?

Love,

The befuddled human that feeds you

[Snooks]

Dear Cats

I don't know which one of you did it but the ball was a toy. It did not need to be ripped apart and spread across the floor. You've never done this before please don't make a habit of it.

Love
Snooks who was totally confused by the massacre she found this morning as it wasn't immediately obvious from the scene what you'd killed.

[OSUJillyBean]

Dear Beankitty,

The shower is not a sea monster that Mommy does battle with.  It is just a shower.  It is sweet of you to sit outside and wail at the top of your lungs out of concern but I promise I am fine.  Also - your tongue is not an acceptable substitute for a proper towel. 

Love,
Your waterproof Mommy

[MerryCat]

Mitten - Is your brother's name Buddy? 'Cuz you 2 have a lot in common.

Is Buddy a ball of sweetness and innocence wrapped a super dense core of mischief and destruction? If so, we may well be related.

I was abandoned as a kitten so I don't know my family. But I like to think that I come from a numerous and wide spread clan of blanket mouse hunters, countertop patrollers, human food inspectors, garbage can tippers, couch cushion excavators and tummy trap craftsmen (craftscats?), all spreading our special brand of...  helpfulness around the world.

Love,

Mittenquitit
(aka Mittenno!, MittenSTOP!, and DestructoMitten)