Dear Coffee Bean,
Episodes of RUN AROUND THE HOUSE LIKE YOUR TAIL IS ON FIRE ATTACKING EVERYTHING YOU SEE are supposed to last 15 minutes, tops. Where did you get the energy to maintain that level of excitement for more than an hour? For the love of Dog, can you at least settle down a little bit? Mommy is trying to sleep...as are your brothers and your father. And Princess. And the dog. In fact, everything that is not you is trying to sleep.
If you feel the need to hork again, please, do so on the floor. I'd rather step in it tomorrow morning than have to spend the night sleeping on the bed without any sheets at all, since these are the spares.
Dear Batkitten, specifically the one wearing the collar,
Stop trying to make snuggling with Princess happen. It's not gonna happen.
Dear cats who are not mine,
Please stay out of my house. The Batkittens do not have the authority to invite you inside.* You, being mostly white with gray splotches, stand out a lot against my small horde of black cats.
*I watched them sniff the noses of the other cats while on my back porch and then lead them inside and right to the food bowls, which they happily shared with the other cats. Weirdos.