S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat

[ladyknight1]

Dear kittehs,

I have ordered some new kitteh items for you. Please take care of them. (A large kitteh perch for the window they love).

Love,

Human

[Outdoor Girl]

Dear Sassy and Peggy:

I'm surprised you didn't explode.  Your food dishes were completely bare when I got back this morning.  I was only gone for about 40 hours!  And gave you food for more than 48.

I also didn't appreciate the correspondingly large and numerous deposits in the litter boxes...

[greencat]

Dear Princess,

Thank you for sleeping on my shoulder this morning to keep Coffee Bean from waking me up again.  I appreciate the uninterrupted sleep produced by having a guard cat.

Love,

Your appreciative servant.

[katycoo]

Dear Boris.

Please learn to jump back over the fence.  We only let you out the back door as we hope (likely in vain) that you will stay in the perfectly good backyard like Lolly and not insist on roaming the street.  I object to letting you in the front door only to have you walk straight to the backdoor and start wailing again.  If you want back in the backyard, please get yourself there or start considering that before you leave.

Love,

Katycoo

[soetkin]

Dear Dude

Stop growling at and chasing after the little cat when you're bored. You know the dogs don't like disturbances in the pack and will bark at you to knock it off. You know if they do this at 3 am, the boss lady (i.e. me) will have a heart attack. Yes, this is (one of the several reasons) why you now sleep outside.

[ladyknight1]

Dear Mocha,

I am so glad you wanted snuggles at 4:45 AM and then to lay on my side, belly and my other side depending on if I turned. I like the sniffs and baffing of the fingers, but no teeth from now on. Also, leave daddy alone as he was fully asleep and not awake to give you attention.

Love,

Mom

Biscuit,

Why oh why did you puke on your dad's special shirt? And the recliner? And the floor? I found it with my bare feet this morning.

Disgusted,

The female human

[greencat]

Dear Batman,

Why did you suddenly decide that it was a wonderful idea to bite my leg?  You were just laying there snuggled up and then you were trying to perforate my leg.


Dear Coffee Bean,

You have sapped my will to get up and do things by laying in my lap.  Glad I already managed to deal with the laundry this morning, and I have two meals pre-packed for work already...

Love,

Your human parent

[Free Range Hippy Chick]

Darling fur

I know it's called a mouse, but it isn't really one. If you chase it across the desk, dabbing at it with your paws, while I'm making a cup of tea in the kitchen, something horrible happens to the formatting of the post I'm intending to put on LiveJournal later today. I can't find what you've done to the spacing to make it that all the paragraphs have breaks except one which still says that it does but plainly doesn't, and I didn't even know I had that font. Also, ukjgrcdx isn't a word in English, from which I deduce that you walked on the keyboard. You're an old cat; you've never done this before. Why have you started now?

[Outdoor Girl]

Dear Sassy:

Stop hissing at me when I walk by you.  If you don't want me to walk anywhere near you, don't lay in the dingdangity way all the time!

The one who is tired of being hissed at after 3 long years

[greencat]

Dear kitties,

Mommy only had 6 hours to sleep between shifts at work today.  Why did no less than three of you (that I opened my eyes up enough to identify) decide I needed to get up 49 minutes before my alarm went off?  The food bowl was not empty - yes, you could see a lot of the bottom, but since the food bowl is actually a 2-quart casserole dish,  that means there was enough food for two cats to fill up from being starving.  The water bowl was not empty either.  I assure you that you need to wait for at least 10 hours of continuous non-motion before you need to start checking if I'm dead.

Love,

Tired hoomin.

[misha412]

Darling fur

I know it's called a mouse, but it isn't really one. If you chase it across the desk, dabbing at it with your paws, while I'm making a cup of tea in the kitchen, something horrible happens to the formatting of the post I'm intending to put on LiveJournal later today. I can't find what you've done to the spacing to make it that all the paragraphs have breaks except one which still says that it does but plainly doesn't, and I didn't even know I had that font. Also, ukjgrcdx isn't a word in English, from which I deduce that you walked on the keyboard. You're an old cat; you've never done this before. Why have you started now?

Well the fastest growing social media demographic is the elderly. Maybe the kitty wants to join the fun.

[Ser Lucien Liliane]

Dear Sophie,

Yes, I put a harness on you. Yes, I laughed hysterically at you when you rolled about and gave me flabbergasted looks. No, I'm not going to apologize, because you are not injured in the least, not even your dignity.

Tee hee,
the Not-Furry One.

[MonteCristo]

To all my pets both cats and dog,

Why do you have a problem with me reading?  Why is it so fascinating?  I can cook, clean, play video games, watch tv, anything else, and you just carry on with your own business, but if I start to read, there you are in my face demanding all the attention.  How can you even tell when I switch from a game to a book on the ipad?  Why do I have to run the tv when I'm reading just to fool you?  This is getting ridiculous!

Your confused mommy.

[atirial]

Dear Matilda,

How can such a cute cat emit such a vile odour? And why do you choose to do it when you're on my lap exclusively? Don't tell me, you're 'relaxing'.

Regards,
Mum-with-clothes-pegs

[Ms_Cellany]

Dear Sophie,

Yes, I put a harness on you. Yes, I laughed hysterically at you when you rolled about and gave me flabbergasted looks. No, I'm not going to apologize, because you are not injured in the least, not even your dignity.

Tee hee,
the Not-Furry One.

Dear Hairless Ape:

Red clashes with my glorious calicosity. Please correct.

Love,
Cat with Taste