S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat

[camlan]

Hmm, Camlan, I think we need the full story.

It's pretty boring.

My bedroom had an odd, high window right over my bed. My cat, Mo, used to like to use the bed as a springboard to leap to the window to look out. One night, I heard her paws scrabbling to get a hold on the window sill. The next thing I knew, she fell on my face. She was so scared she ran away.

And I had three long claw marks, from her back claws, on my forehead. About 4 inches long, right in the center. And they were bleeding.

I had taken the next day off work because it was my birthday. I was going to go get my new driver's license first thing, then help my friend the bride run some last minute errands the rest of the day.

There was no way to cover the cuts with makeup, so I had what my best friend called my "axe murderer" license picture for the next 4 years.

The poor bride was quite startled when I picked her up to run errands. I'm not normally a big fan of people changing their appearance for weddings, but as the MOH, I was going to be in a lot of pictures in just two days. I explained what had happened, and then casually said, "You know, I was thinking of getting my hair cut tomorrow. Something with bangs. What do you think?"

We both burst out giggling madly. I did get my hair cut and the wedding pictures looked fine. (Even without the wedding, I might have gotten the hair cut anyway, because every single person who saw me that day was compelled to ask me what on earth had happened. The way the cuts looked, I looked as if I'd stared in a real life horror movie.)

[Outdoor Girl]

The poor bride was quite startled when I picked her up to run errands. I'm not normally a big fan of people changing their appearance for weddings, but as the MOH, I was going to be in a lot of pictures in just two days. I explained what had happened, and then casually said, "You know, I was thinking of getting my hair cut tomorrow. Something with bangs. What do you think?"

That's hilarious.  I'm sure she was relieved you brought it up so she didn't have to!

[ladyknight1]

Did they scar? I am glad you only got those, but what a time for it to happen!

[fabric-dragon]

Sigh!
[/quote]

I know it was no fun to find the aftermath, but this still made me laugh!
[/quote]

When I'm not dealing with the direct aftermath, it makes me laugh too.  Grizel puts toys in the tub all the time now.   She seems to think that's where they belong or where she should play with them.

[snowfire]

I guess I should be glad that the only bathtub playing cat I have had just used little rubber balls. 

He liked having his own personal handball court.  I didn't mind that, it was kind of fun to watch.  I didn't appreciate hearing whack, thud, whack , thud....at O-dark-thirty.  Really freaked out the babysitter the first time she heard it, too. 

[greencat]

My little devils just played with the shower curtain...I lost a few plastic ones before I hit on buying a thick fabric one and leaving the curtain rod very loose.  Yes, I booby-trapped my shower curtain.  The kitties do not play with the shower curtain any more 

Mine from this morning:

Dear Coffee Bean,

You're right, the dog shouldn't be eating the cat food.  Thank you for waking Mommy up at 4AM to let me know that I needed to yell at the dog.   

Love,
The hoomin

[Free Range Hippy Chick]

Esteemed Madam

The reason that you have been so ravenously hungry for the last 24 hours, despite having been provided with a minimum of three extra meals, is that you spat your thyroid pill out underneath my dressing table. I would like to know when you did this, given that I habitually keep you with me for several minutes after The Intrusion of the Pill, to prevent precisely this eventuality.

Also, where is your collar? If you recall, when you arrived Chez Hippy Chick, with your late sister, we attempted to remove your collars because we were not accustomed to cats who wore them. You and your sister both objected most strongly to this, to the extent of about half a pint of blood apiece from both Mr Chick and myself. We, properly, submitted to your desire for elegant jewellery and we have provided bling style collars ever since. That one was expensive; where is it? 

Respectfully
The Hippy Chick

[ladyknight1]

Dear kittehs,

I have ordered some new kitteh items for you. Please take care of them. (A large kitteh perch for the window they love).

Love,

Human

[Outdoor Girl]

Dear Sassy and Peggy:

I'm surprised you didn't explode.  Your food dishes were completely bare when I got back this morning.  I was only gone for about 40 hours!  And gave you food for more than 48.

I also didn't appreciate the correspondingly large and numerous deposits in the litter boxes...

[greencat]

Dear Princess,

Thank you for sleeping on my shoulder this morning to keep Coffee Bean from waking me up again.  I appreciate the uninterrupted sleep produced by having a guard cat.

Love,

Your appreciative servant.

[katycoo]

Dear Boris.

Please learn to jump back over the fence.  We only let you out the back door as we hope (likely in vain) that you will stay in the perfectly good backyard like Lolly and not insist on roaming the street.  I object to letting you in the front door only to have you walk straight to the backdoor and start wailing again.  If you want back in the backyard, please get yourself there or start considering that before you leave.

Love,

Katycoo

[soetkin]

Dear Dude

Stop growling at and chasing after the little cat when you're bored. You know the dogs don't like disturbances in the pack and will bark at you to knock it off. You know if they do this at 3 am, the boss lady (i.e. me) will have a heart attack. Yes, this is (one of the several reasons) why you now sleep outside.

[ladyknight1]

Dear Mocha,

I am so glad you wanted snuggles at 4:45 AM and then to lay on my side, belly and my other side depending on if I turned. I like the sniffs and baffing of the fingers, but no teeth from now on. Also, leave daddy alone as he was fully asleep and not awake to give you attention.

Love,

Mom

Biscuit,

Why oh why did you puke on your dad's special shirt? And the recliner? And the floor? I found it with my bare feet this morning.

Disgusted,

The female human

[greencat]

Dear Batman,

Why did you suddenly decide that it was a wonderful idea to bite my leg?  You were just laying there snuggled up and then you were trying to perforate my leg.


Dear Coffee Bean,

You have sapped my will to get up and do things by laying in my lap.  Glad I already managed to deal with the laundry this morning, and I have two meals pre-packed for work already...

Love,

Your human parent

[Free Range Hippy Chick]

Darling fur

I know it's called a mouse, but it isn't really one. If you chase it across the desk, dabbing at it with your paws, while I'm making a cup of tea in the kitchen, something horrible happens to the formatting of the post I'm intending to put on LiveJournal later today. I can't find what you've done to the spacing to make it that all the paragraphs have breaks except one which still says that it does but plainly doesn't, and I didn't even know I had that font. Also, ukjgrcdx isn't a word in English, from which I deduce that you walked on the keyboard. You're an old cat; you've never done this before. Why have you started now?