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Author Topic: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat  (Read 794547 times)

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Midnight Kitty

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1590 on: April 23, 2014, 03:37:14 PM »
Do not bring birds into the house, alive or dead, <snip>
Many, many years ago, I lived in a typical suburban single family house with 3 cats.  As is typical for California, we were having another drought year and the mice and bugs were fleeing the fields and coming inside to find water.  Good hunting for bored kitties.  I don't know which cat brought the squirrel inside (they had a cat door) only to let it go.  The 3 of them apparently tortured that poor squirrel for hours.  The bottom 2-3 feet of the walls had bloody streaks in almost every room.  It looked like someone had filmed one of those ghastly slasher/horror movies (which I cannot watch) in my home.
"The first rule is to keep an untroubled spirit.  The second is to look things in the face and know them for what they are."

Marcus Aurelius

songbird

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1591 on: April 23, 2014, 04:44:27 PM »
Dear Duchess,

Can i please have some privacy in the bathroom?  Your caterwauling outside the door was just a bit too much.


Dear Mr.  Kitty,

I know you really, really, really want those table scraps, but I'm disinclined t share with someone whose claws are embedded in my leg.

And as for you, Redford dear, I know you're tall enough to reach the table top with your front paws while standing on your back paws, but I'd really prefer it if you would keep those front paws off the table.

atirial

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1592 on: April 24, 2014, 07:28:41 AM »
Dear Matilda,

It is very lovely that after all these years you have finally decided to become a lap cat. Unfortunately, you then object trenously to being made a not-lap cat, to the point that through my jeans my legs are bleeding.  This does not encourage me to let you back on my lap next time.

Trying to stand up should not be ane extreme sport.

Regards,
Mum.

P.S. I know we call you ninja but I don't actually know how you got on my lap in the first place this time. It appears to be the stealth sneak-under-armpit manoveur, but we've yet to catch you at it. Its more we just look down and suddenly there's cat!

greencat

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1593 on: April 24, 2014, 05:22:12 PM »
Dear Matilda,

It is very lovely that after all these years you have finally decided to become a lap cat. Unfortunately, you then object trenously to being made a not-lap cat, to the point that through my jeans my legs are bleeding.  This does not encourage me to let you back on my lap next time.

Trying to stand up should not be ane extreme sport.

Regards,
Mum.

P.S. I know we call you ninja but I don't actually know how you got on my lap in the first place this time. It appears to be the stealth sneak-under-armpit manoveur, but we've yet to catch you at it. Its more we just look down and suddenly there's cat!

Dear Matilda,

Your human is getting suspicious!  You're not supposed to show them that you can teleport!

Love,

Princess, Tribble, Batman, Joker, Coffee Bean, Pest, Bravery, Wall-E, and Lynx. 

songbird

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1594 on: May 04, 2014, 09:30:21 PM »
Dear Duchess,

I know it's springtime and you have lots of energy, but it is it rally necessary to run through the entire house, up and down the stairs, over and over again?

AnnaT

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1595 on: May 05, 2014, 12:05:57 AM »
Dear Oscar

I do love autumn and the colder weather!  I get a very fluffy, snuggly kitty for the next 5 months. :D

Love
Mum

greencat

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1596 on: May 05, 2014, 12:24:45 AM »
Dear feral kitty,

Was my dryer really the best place you could come up with to have your kittens?

Thank you,
The human who really, really, really needed to do laundry this morning.

PastryGoddess

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1597 on: May 05, 2014, 12:38:12 AM »
Dear feral kitty,

Was my dryer really the best place you could come up with to have your kittens?

Thank you,
The human who really, really, really needed to do laundry this morning.

Do you have a cat magnet embedded in your house?

greencat

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1598 on: May 05, 2014, 12:42:11 AM »
Dear feral kitty,

Was my dryer really the best place you could come up with to have your kittens?

Thank you,
The human who really, really, really needed to do laundry this morning.

Do you have a cat magnet embedded in your house?

I ask myself this question every day.  You would think the massive dog that has free reign over my back yard and the back porch including the laundry room would dissuade the kittehs, but no.

Ser Lucien Liliane

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1599 on: May 05, 2014, 03:01:40 PM »
Dear Sophie,

We all know you are Destructo-Kitten 5000. However, you've been doing a remarkable job of keeping those tendencies under wraps lately. So why did I wake up to find a strip of red carpet from the basement in my hallway this morning? You need to behave yourself until my bathroom's fixed and we can put the basement door back up, or I'm going to have to start locking you up here at night, and you will not like that, mark my words.

...Where did you even find that kind of carpet, anyway?

Quite befuddled,
the Not-Furry One.
"Ah, yes. I forgot you've taken levels in Defeating Paperwork."


greencat

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1600 on: May 05, 2014, 03:07:39 PM »
Dear kittens,

Especially you, Coffee Bean.   Epic 4-kitten games of chase should not be conducted while Mommy is trying to sleep.  The bed where Mommy is sleeping should not be included in the course.  Attacking the bedmice and running over Mommy's head with claws slightly out should also definitely not be happening.  You guys sound more like a herd of stampeding elephants than kittens have any right to.

Love,
Human who was trying to sleep this morning.

ladyknight1

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1601 on: May 05, 2014, 05:39:33 PM »
Dear Mocha,

One week from tomorrow you will be one year old. That means we do not buy any more kitten food. You will have plenty of grown up cat food, treats and other items to eat.

I did appreciate all the attention I received when I came home, until I realized it was all geared toward a refill of the kitten food dish. You are too cute.

Love,

mom
ďAll that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost."
-J.R.R Tolkien

pierrotlunaire0

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1602 on: May 05, 2014, 07:15:50 PM »
Okay, Mr. Dudley, I finally get it.  You are a Green cat, a mightier recycler, a finder of great cat toys where I see only trash.  I will no longer waste my money buying car toys.  I will let you make your toy selections, but I do object to the rather noisy way you do this at 2 am.  That waste paper basket makes a hideous clattering when you knock it over to sort through it.  That is why I am forced to shut it up in the closet every night.

PS -- it is cute to see you handle a milk jug cap like a hockey puck.  Most professional athletes aren't as good as you.
I have enough lithium in my medicine cabinet to power three cars across a sizeable desert.  Which makes me officially...Three Cars Crazy

Elfmama

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1603 on: May 05, 2014, 07:59:10 PM »
Dear kittens,

Especially you, Coffee Bean.   Epic 4-kitten games of chase should not be conducted while Mommy is trying to sleep.  The bed where Mommy is sleeping should not be included in the course.  Attacking the bedmice and running over Mommy's head with claws slightly out should also definitely not be happening.  You guys sound more like a herd of stampeding elephants than kittens have any right to.

Love,
Human who was trying to sleep this morning.
Isn't it amazing how much thunder a little tiny animal with whisper-soft paws can produce? :D
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Common sense is not a gift, but a curse.  Because then
you have to deal with all the people who don't have it.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

shhh its me

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1604 on: May 05, 2014, 08:26:19 PM »
Okay, Mr. Dudley, I finally get it.  You are a Green cat, a mightier recycler, a finder of great cat toys where I see only trash.  I will no longer waste my money buying car toys.  I will let you make your toy selections, but I do object to the rather noisy way you do this at 2 am.  That waste paper basket makes a hideous clattering when you knock it over to sort through it.  That is why I am forced to shut it up in the closet every night.

PS -- it is cute to see you handle a milk jug cap like a hockey puck.  Most professional athletes aren't as good as you.

If I ever own a pet supply company the cat toy section would be stocked with....the box tops of board games , milk rings , invisible spots , open magazines and plastic bags.