Tales from the Crypt ( ohhhh I mean FreeCycle )

[DottyG]

"I need carpet and throw rugs for my garage playroom as it's a cement floor and due to health issues I was unable to finish it properly b/c we are now broke."

I guess y'all do become jaded.   Because I don't even see what's "eyeroll worthy" about that.  All I saw in that was that someone had health issues.  My gut reaction to reading what you just posted was sympathy for someone else who may have a health problem.  Yes, I guess I could be cynical and wonder if they truly do have a health issue or if they're lying.  But, that just seems like a sad way to view it.  I'd rather trust that people aren't pulling my chain all the time.

I don't mean that snarkily.  Maybe y'all really do have some history with FC to where you've become cynical about other people.  But, it does make me sad at the same time.

Like I said in another post, I even read the mower girl's post as excited about having a new home.  I didn't read it as a charity case.  If I had a new house, I'd be bouncing off the walls, too.  I sure hate to think that other people would be viewing me in a negative way for just expressing my excitement.

[DottyG]

What about "putting it all out there" as a way to justify what you need?

And, in answer to your question above, no.  You don't get to be rude (as in speculating about someone's finances) just because you felt that they were rude in posting something on FC.  As EHellions, we know this is not a valid excuse - "well, they were rude, tooooooo!"

[baglady]

Maybe I've been very lucky, or my FC group just has some very proactive mods, because I've never seen a sob story -- either as a "wanted" post or an e-mail responding to an offer. The Freecyclers I know don't treat it as a charity but as just another way of smart shopping.

My mom has a black belt in thrift shopping, and I learned from her that even if you can afford to pay full price for X, it's always better to get it for cheap, or for free. Then the money you save can be used for something else. That doesn't mean it's OK to go to the mission and help yourself to the free clothes they have for the homeless, but garage sales, thrift shops and Freecycle are open to all, regardless of income.

I'm strictly first-come, first-serve when I Freecycle stuff. Sob stories wouldn't sway me. But as I said, we don't get them in my group. The closest we get are foster parents who suddenly find themselves with a child they don't have age-appropriate stuff for. That's the nature of foster parenting -- it's Forrest Gump's box of chocolates. But even they don't pull the needy or entitled act. Anything they can't get on Freecycle they go buy. (Of course, because kids grow, there is always a wealth of kids stuff on FC.)

[mikeylou]

I will preface this with that not all groups have these issues.  Some never see it at all.  It depends on your group

[Please note I'm not really talking about the lawnmower girl, but the more extreme cases]

What purpose does telling a list of 2-6k people (depending on where you live, mine's just under 3k), 99.99% of them strangers, about your layoff/single parent/health issues serve? 

[I am also not stating that all of these are not true.  It is likely a portion of them are, but people are greedy when it comes to free stuff...]

Many people include these stories so that they will be considered "first", over random other people who have asked for the same thing.  The most common items asked for on Freecycle are toys and clothes for young children.  These are also the most common items that include a tale of financial woe.  Youngin' Items also have a very high resale rate.  Some requests are extremely vague "I'm expecting soon and found out that I still need some stuff - I'll take anything!"  Erm...What exactly do you need? 

I vaguely recall an incident years ago when a member gave a "mother in need" a bunch of childrens items.  She was very surprised to see everything listed on a Garage Sale list the next day by the same member.  It wasn't pretty.

The ideal is that an item is given without strings.  However those strings work both ways.  To tug someone's heart strings to make them consider your post above all others is disheartening to everyone.  People instinctively try to choose to give an item to someone who they believe needs it most.  That is what people try to prey on.  Then mods have to tell the giver that they'd given someone a gift, no strings attached, but the giver is upset that they were swindled, and ultimately loses faith in Freecycle and the group loses a participating member.

Keep in mind the list is there to keep useful items out of landfills, not to act as a charity to those in need.  People don't join to listen to tales of woe.  They join to get rid of useful things and hopefully receive useful things as well.

Arranging for people to come get your items can be tedious.  It's much easier just to dump it off at Goodwill and assume that everything makes it out onto the floor instead of in the dumpster.  People just want to read what's there, post what they have, and try to keep it as simple as possible.  Wading through tales of woe is hard - especially when it hits close to home.  Money is tight -everywhere-. 

Some statistics I dug up from a couple months ago (before we started editing) - during a 10 day period we had 158 posts:  48 Offers, 110 Wanteds, and 23 of those 110 included a story of some sort beyond mere facts ie: between jobs, laid off, using the word desperate, single parent, medical issue that does not relate to the item requested.  22 of that 23 utilized financial reasons in their request.   17 of those were for something child-related, 2 were for a car, the rest for furniture or adult clothes. 

Would you want to be on a list where you received at least 2 posts a day begging for items?  That's why we're cynical.

[DottyG]

Again, you're entitled to your feelings of cynicism just as I am to mine of sadness at it.

[Harriet Jones]

"I need carpet and throw rugs for my garage playroom as it's a cement floor and due to health issues I was unable to finish it properly b/c we are now broke."

I guess y'all do become jaded.  

DottyG, I think you're just too nice.  (I don't mean that in a bad way, though)  Many of the people posting with sob stories also seem to be the ones who don't show up to pick up the items *or* want you to drive a couple hours out of your way to bring it to them *or* are disappointed if free item is "blue" instead of "green" *or* demand other stuff you haven't offered.

My freecycle group is actually pretty good,  but I still get the occasional sob story response.  I'm even willing to give <item> to them, but they don't bother responding to my email saying that they can have it...

[ica171]

I don't give stuff away on Freecycle anymore.  I got tired of people standing me up, asking me to deliver, etc.  There were actually a few times where I did pick a person who gave me a sob story because I felt sorry for them, and almost without fail they would email back a few times and then never again, or they would stand me up and never email again.  I can count on one finger the number of times I've received a thank you afterward, and it seems like there has been a rise in crimes committed against people who are meeting someone buying something they listed on the internet.  So I don't want to be inconvenienced and I don't want to be robbed.  There's a Goodwill right down the street; it's easier to take everything there.

I remember last Christmas and all the "NEEDED: toys new in package" stuff.  My guess is that it'll be worse this year.  Father's Day is bad, too.  For the past three years there have been multiple posts for pool tables around that time; I guess that's the Father's Day gift of choice.   

[A.P. Wulfric]

I belong to two freecycle groups as I live on the border between two towns.

One woman posts every day on one group and every week on the other. (The latter is moderated much more strictly) about how she needs a certain color NEW baby item that isn't really necessary and can of highly specialized formula. Now, the formula I can understand-perhaps someone didn't finish a can, but the baby item?  It isn't necessary (and I have a baby!), it certainly doesn't have to be new, and color really really doesn't matter. Besides, she has been posting for this item for 6 months or so-I'm guessing our babies are the same age. It just gets old.

Another person replied to every one of my offers-from diapers to candle holders to Christmas mugs, telling me a sob story and asking me to drive the items to her........40 minutes away, WITHOUT traffic.

Most people are very polite and I love being able to empty my house (or get some things, I got a $200 item once!!), but the no shows and the sob stories do drive me nutty.

The snarky part of me also rolls my eyes when someone posts wants that are a mile long, wanting all new, complete with sob story about poverty, and then the last line is "Sent from my blackberry phone."  Someone wanted a new pack n' play.  I have a used one that I emailed and offered.  She wrote back and asked what part of NEW didn't I understand?  Her baby is too good for used.

But, on the positive side, I once posted some diapers-kiddo had outgrown size 1 and I had half opened packages of various types-Pampers, Huggies, Luvs, market brand, etc.  Someone wrote back right away that they were in desperate need and could come immediately. They were gone within 10 minutes.  I now just email her every time I find more or kiddo sizes up again.  THey are always off my doorstep within the hour.

[blarg314]

But speculating on her finances is presumptive.

But she started it.

If you state that you want something because you can't afford it, then you are bringing up your finances as a topic of discussion. If she simply stated that she was looking for a used lawnmower, then speculating on the finances would be inappropriate. But she didn't - she gave her financial situation as a reason that she needed it.

I think what wears people down in Freecycle is the combination of the sense that people are trying to take advantage of them, and the rampant entitledism that crops up when they are basically trying to do someone a favour. 

[jaxsue]

Maybe FreeCycle is more cynical than I thought?

If you don't start out that way, getting rid of stuff on FreeCycle will make you cynical.

That's what I found. I belonged to a FC group several years ago. I only gave stuff away, never asked for anything.

Some of the recipients were wonderful; families with sweet kids who got some of my sons' toys, the lady who ran an animal rescue facility. I was especially happy to give stuff to her.

But the sob stories, boy, they got old. One was memorable; she said she was a young, single mom who needed kitchen appliances; she said she was desperate. We all felt sorry for her and she was offered a lot of stuff. She turned it all down because it wasn't the right color! It's difficult to keep from being cynical when you see enough of that.

[DottyG]

But speculating on her finances is presumptive.

But she started it.

Very funny. . (I am going under the assumption that you're pulling a funny there since it's so against proper EHellion behavior! If you were being serious, ummmm, I'm not sure what to say.)

[jimithing]

But speculating on her finances is presumptive.

But she started it.

Very funny. . (I am going under the assumption that you're pulling a funny there since it's so against proper EHellion behavior! If you were being serious, ummmm, I'm not sure what to say.)

Dotty, I think what blarg is trying to stay is that she started the financial discussion by bringing money into it. If someone brings up how poor they are, or they are a struggling single mom, there is no need to speculate. They are putting lack of finances as a reason for the need. It's not a speculation at that point.

And frankly, it's not rude to speculate on someone's finances. It's rude if you go around blabbing to people about it, or start gossiping, etc. But I don't think it's rude to necessarily have an internal assumption. Perhaps a bit unfair and presumptuous, but I wouldn't go so far to say it's rude.

And if I'm giving something away for free to someone, I would probably use finances as a possible measure for who I want my items to go to, if I had to weed out several possibilities. Personally, I would rather help someone in true need, than someone who is greedy.

[Sirius]

<snip>

But, on the positive side, I once posted some diapers-kiddo had outgrown size 1 and I had half opened packages of various types-Pampers, Huggies, Luvs, market brand, etc.  Someone wrote back right away that they were in desperate need and could come immediately. They were gone within 10 minutes.  I now just email her every time I find more or kiddo sizes up again.  THey are always off my doorstep within the hour.

As an aside, I always give a package of medium diapers plus other things as a baby shower gift.  One new mom told me they were so glad for the gift, as they discovered at 11:30 p.m. on a Sunday that Junior had outgrown the small diapers.  Since then I've heard similar stories from other new moms.

[DottyG]

And, I still say that the last paragraph of the lawnmower post really does come across as rude-sounding. Perhaps ill-phrased? I don't know. Maybe dragon didn't mean it to
sound quite like it comes across. But, whether mower girl "started it" or not, one did not need to go into the fact that, because of the neighborhood the house is in, she shouldn't have a problem getting a mower herself.

It does sound rude to me the way it was phrased. I'm sorry, but it does.

[DottyG]

I'm not saying there aren't greedy people out there. Or, that some of you don't have a basis for your feelings on this.

Maybe you're misunderstanding me in that I'm really speaking more specifically about the examples I have been given here than the nebulous situations that you know of that I don't.