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artk2002
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« on: October 22, 2009, 12:43:47 AM » |
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I was a BM in the wedding of two very close friends. The ceremony was beautiful, and very personal, suiting the couple to a tee. The reception was lovely, with great food and more than adequate provisions for all guests. It was probably the best wedding I have ever been to.
What I discovered when talking to people after the wedding is that one guest, Cathy (name changed to protect the guilty), decided that the wedding did not meet her standards. She complained throughout the whole ceremony about the venue, that being married in a garden was ’stupid’ and that the venue itself (a very pretty historic home converted to reception was ‘tacky’.
She also regaled several guests with how different she would do things at her own wedding. She would have X venue, Y entertainment etc., and it would be ‘much classier’ than the wedding she was at. (It should be noted that Cathy is NOT engaged, and her BF is trying to avoid her unsubtle hints.) Her tablemates told me that she complained loudly about the food and the drink. I caught the bouquet, which caused Cathy to snark to several people that the tossing was ‘rigged’ (it wasn’t, I’m tall and was in a good spot). You can see her pulling faces in the post-toss photos.
When the bride was walking around speaking to her guests, Bride asked Guestzilla if she was having a good time. Cathy replied that no, she wasn’t, the wedding was probably the worst she’d been to. Bride chose to completely ignore Cathy and speak to other guests instead of dignifying her comment with a response. The very worst part of all of this was that Cathy wasn’t originally invited - only her BF was. But both BF and Cathy threw a fit and demanded that she come, or the BF wouldn’t. Bride and Groom graciously allowed Cathy to invite herself, only to have her act like the worst kind of troll. 0623-09
*sigh* No good deed goes unpunished. I read about people like this and I wonder about how terrible their lives must be to have to be so nasty to others. Did Cathy's mother withhold affection when she was small? Is she afraid that people will think she's tacky? Is it because she's insecure about her own rel@tionship? It's really sad when she tries to make herself feel better by putting down a very gracious bride. But in the end, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy: People do look down on her and she is disliked.
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"'You are making my spots ache' said Painted Jaguar 'besides, I didn't want your advice at all.'" Rudyard Kipling The Beginning of the Armadillos
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HonorH
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« Reply #1 on: October 22, 2009, 12:55:01 AM » |
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The very worst part of all of this was that Cathy wasn’t originally invited - only her BF was. But both BF and Cathy threw a fit and demanded that she come, or the BF wouldn’t.
"Oh, I'm so sorry, but space is limited and we can't allow you to bring a guest without offering the same to the rest of our guests. We understand if you don't want to come because of this." Fixed that for them! |
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Hawkwatcher
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« Reply #2 on: October 22, 2009, 02:02:22 AM » |
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Unfortunately, I have known people like Cathy. I believe that they often feel persecuted. For example, I once had a coworker who often justified rude behavior by stating that other people "always" get away with this behavior. Since Cathy was not originally invited, she may have made exaggerated any perceived transgressions by the bride as evidence that the bride is persecuting her and she is simply "standing up" for herself.
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Civil Disobedience
Queen of the Night
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"3 months, 3 turkeys. YES." -Nurvingiel
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« Reply #3 on: October 22, 2009, 02:11:54 AM » |
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My feelings about the story aside, I've got to say that I wish the submitter had named the antagonist something other than Cathy. I keep reading it and going "Cathy would never act like that!" and then realizing it's not our Cathy.
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 "You're going to live!...Sort of." -Demetri Martin |
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artk2002
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« Reply #5 on: October 22, 2009, 11:26:18 AM » |
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Good catch, Asharah. Isn't it sad that there are many of these wandering around? |
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"'You are making my spots ache' said Painted Jaguar 'besides, I didn't want your advice at all.'" Rudyard Kipling The Beginning of the Armadillos
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ladycrim
Where there is cake there is hope, and there is always cake.
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All hail the kitty
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« Reply #6 on: October 22, 2009, 03:29:52 PM » |
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What I discovered when talking to people after the wedding is that one guest, Cathy (name changed to protect the guilty), decided that the wedding did not meet her standards. She complained throughout the whole ceremony about the venue, that being married in a garden was ’stupid’ and that the venue itself (a very pretty historic home converted to reception was ‘tacky’.
She also regaled several guests with how different she would do things at her own wedding. She would have X venue, Y entertainment etc., and it would be ‘much classier’ than the wedding she was at. (It should be noted that Cathy is NOT engaged, and her BF is trying to avoid her unsubtle hints.) Her tablemates told me that she complained loudly about the food and the drink.
Give me a J! Give me an E! Give me an A-L-O-U-S! |
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scotcat
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« Reply #7 on: November 04, 2009, 07:43:09 AM » |
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"Cathy" reminds me of the e-hell complaint from a poster who said a wedding she had been to was tacky because the bride wore her grandmothers head-dress, no one wore morning suits, there was no booze, and no huge wedding cake,and the MOG and MOB wore simple dresses.
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Twik
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« Reply #8 on: November 04, 2009, 04:56:45 PM » |
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What I discovered when talking to people after the wedding is that one guest, Cathy (name changed to protect the guilty), decided that the wedding did not meet her standards. She complained throughout the whole ceremony about the venue, that being married in a garden was ’stupid’ and that the venue itself (a very pretty historic home converted to reception was ‘tacky’.
She also regaled several guests with how different she would do things at her own wedding. She would have X venue, Y entertainment etc., and it would be ‘much classier’ than the wedding she was at. (It should be noted that Cathy is NOT engaged, and her BF is trying to avoid her unsubtle hints.) Her tablemates told me that she complained loudly about the food and the drink.
Give me a J! Give me an E! Give me an A-L-O-U-S! Yes, in many ways, I suspect! |
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Courage is the magic that turns dreams into reality.
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HonorH
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« Reply #9 on: November 04, 2009, 09:44:26 PM » |
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"Cathy" reminds me of the e-hell complaint from a poster who said a wedding she had been to was tacky because the bride wore her grandmothers head-dress, no one wore morning suits, there was no booze, and no huge wedding cake,and the MOG and MOB wore simple dresses.
Yeah. Some people seem to think that "a wedding that isn't what I would personally plan" is "a tacky wedding." Others just have sour grapes. Did we ever have a thread on the one you're talking about? EHellDame's takedown was a thing of beauty. |
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scotcat
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« Reply #10 on: November 05, 2009, 07:51:43 AM » |
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--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Quote from: scotcat on Yesterday at 07:43:09 AM
"Cathy" reminds me of the e-hell complaint from a poster who said a wedding she had been to was tacky because the bride wore her grandmothers head-dress, no one wore morning suits, there was no booze, and no huge wedding cake,and the MOG and MOB wore simple dresses.
Yeah. Some people seem to think that "a wedding that isn't what I would personally plan" is "a tacky wedding." Others just have sour grapes.
Did we ever have a thread on the one you're talking about? EHellDame's takedown was a thing of beauty.
No we didn't, but I can think of one or two lovely weddings I have been to where it was kept simple, proving that you don't have to go OTT to celebrate. If anyone wants to, fine, bit if they don't, that's o.K. too.
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FunkyMunky
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Drop-Bear Wrangler
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« Reply #11 on: November 06, 2009, 04:57:49 AM » |
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My feelings about the story aside, I've got to say that I wish the submitter had named the antagonist something other than Cathy. I keep reading it and going "Cathy would never act like that!" and then realizing it's not our Cathy.
*sheepish* I was the submitter. 'Cathy' is very close to the offender's real name. Of course 'our' cathy would never do anything of the sort. (Oh, and almost a year later, Bride and Groom are still blissfully happy) |
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"A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it."
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artk2002
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« Reply #12 on: November 06, 2009, 10:11:28 PM » |
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My feelings about the story aside, I've got to say that I wish the submitter had named the antagonist something other than Cathy. I keep reading it and going "Cathy would never act like that!" and then realizing it's not our Cathy.
*sheepish* I was the submitter. 'Cathy' is very close to the offender's real name. Of course 'our' cathy would never do anything of the sort. (Oh, and almost a year later, Bride and Groom are still blissfully happy) Cool. Glad that they're happy. But now you have to tell us "Cathy's" background. Was it the unresponsive BF that was getting her goat, or some deep seated need to cut down other people's happiness that did this? Enquiring minds want to know! |
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"'You are making my spots ache' said Painted Jaguar 'besides, I didn't want your advice at all.'" Rudyard Kipling The Beginning of the Armadillos
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FunkyMunky
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Drop-Bear Wrangler
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« Reply #13 on: November 07, 2009, 12:44:52 AM » |
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'Cathy' has another reason for jealousy (I only found this out recently) - she has a medical problem that means if she doesn't have children soon, it's very likely she won't be able to have them at all. She wants to be married first, so she's very much in a 'let's do it now' sort of mindset, whereas her BF isn't there yet.
I think it was mostly a 'why wasn't it me!?', since Bride and Groom had been together only a year or so, and she and her BF have been together 3 or 4 years. So she was feeling bitter. I have no idea why she demanded an invitation when she clearly wasn't happy there.
She was very lucky that none of the BMs heard about her comments til later, as we would not have been as gracious as Bride was.
Oh, and she found out the bridesmaids were wearing medieval-style dresses and wore one herself. It was a little weird.
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"A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it."
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artk2002
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« Reply #14 on: November 07, 2009, 09:00:16 PM » |
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Thanks.
It sounds like my pity for her wasn't misplaced. Her bad behavior came from a place of very great pain, and she hasn't learned to deal with it yet. I hope that she can come to terms with whatever does (or doesn't) happen.
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"'You are making my spots ache' said Painted Jaguar 'besides, I didn't want your advice at all.'" Rudyard Kipling The Beginning of the Armadillos
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