Am I being too sensitive? Facebook debate. LONG

[O'Dell]

I think you're being over-sensitive. You entered the debate knowing it was controversial and that you disagree with Kara and likely some of her friends. If you didn't want to debate it, then why engage? Plus, from your post Kara was commenting to Maria about Maria and her husband...I'm not sure if that's a typo, but how did that comment get to be about you and your husband? Even if it was directed at you, it doesn't seem to be that bad to me.

FWIW, I have some very...non-mainstream ideas and beliefs. I'm almost guaranteed to be on the opposing end of at least one argument with everyone I know. I only discuss such things with people whose debate/discussion style meshes with my own and only if I know the friendship is strong enough to weather disagreement. Debating in a forum where other people can get involved in that just seems like a very bad idea to me.

[JoyinVirginia]

As a rule, when I see something posted on whatever Hot Topic there is, I follow Scritzy's coke rule, then I DO NOT REPLY.
I think silence can speak volumes.

[HoneyBee]

Kara then replied to Maria that "I'd think you & <your DH> of ALL my friends would be most knowledgeable on this." 

I'm confused. Why would this hurt your feelings? This was a comment from Kara to Maria. They weren't talking about you.

Do you feel that Kara implied that you were not knowledgeable on this topic? To me, it does not read like that. I see, "Maria, I know you are very interested in this topic so I expect you to be the most knowledgeable out of everyone I know."

Not, "Maria, all my friends except you are knuckledraggers who can barely manage to post a status update." ()

Sorry for the confusion. I'm not belittling your feelings, I just don't understand.

Yes, I feel Kara implied I was not knowledgeable.  And how you read it is most likely how Kara intended the comment, not to hurt me.  But our feelings do not always make sense.

In a small circle of my FB friends, we all like to post news bits or videos of current events or hot topics, and expect dissenting opinions to be some of the comments we get.  It is all very respectful, and not meant to be fighting at all.  Kara is in this group.  This is just part of what we do on FB.  I don't think that Kara took my comments on her post as offensive, though I have no way to know that for sure since I haven't talked to her about it specifically.  She actually asked me some questions about my initial comment, which I answered.  I didn't add anything after that, or respond to Maria.  Again, the choices they make are their choices, and their right to make them. 

After reading everyone's input here, I'm sure I am being overly sensitive about the issue, and I'm just going to drop it. Thank you all for your input. 

[baglady]

I enjoy a good debate, and am not shy about sharing my views if I feel strongly about them. But I also realize that no matter how thought-out and articulate my arguments are, not everyone is going to be won over. That doesn't stop me from offering them (politely). For instance, if someone says that having the government buy everyone purple bunny rabbits would be bad for the economy, I share my theory that it would be *good* for the economy, and explain why I think this way.

I don't think that Kara's comment to Maria was a slam at you, OP. She was just acknowledging to Maria that yes, they are on the same side of this issue. Kara hasn't done anything IRL to indicate that she doesn't value your friendship because you happen to be on opposite sides of this one issue. In fact, she's been a great friend to you, which is as it should be.

Some of my FB friends have made posts on controversial subjects I don't agree with. I generally ignore them *unless* a debate starts, then I politely speak my piece (see above).

It is possible to have great friends who don't share your views on certain subjects. My HS best friend and I were as close as sisters. We drifted apart and reconnected 20-plus years later. We hadn't been the least bit political in HS, but in the intervening years, I've become a staunch Purple Bunny and she's a staunch Green Unicorn. We're still friends. In fact, when she visited and found herself in a houseful of my Purple Bunny friends, she put her arm around me and whispered, "Don't worry, I'll keep my politics to myself!"

[AdakAK]

I think the others are right Honey, but if it's any consolation I would have read it the same way.  It seems a not very subtle, you agree with me and clearly those who do not just don't know enough about *topic* to see we are right.  

I probably would be here after I put my foot in my mouth, I doubt I could have easily resisted the "Ah yes, that PhD I got in *subject* hardly counts towards being knowledgeable on *topic*.  "  reply.  Coming here is working slowly on me, I'm slowly resisting more and more though!  Food tastes so much better now, without that ankle in the way.  

[blarg314]

In my experience, in real life as well as Facebook, the best thing to do when you and a friend have violently different opinions on a hot topic is often to simply not discuss it. In Facebook terms, that means that when you see posts like this, you just ignore it; in real life terms, it's like being at a party, coming up on a conversation group, realizing that they're discussing topic X and wandering off to find someone else to talk to.

[katycoo]

Perhaps Maria has some personal experience that gives her insight from another direction and colors her view?  I don't think it had anything to do with you, more Kara thanking Maria for publicly sharing her views.

This was my thought.

Ignore the comments, they were not meant to insult you in any way.

[noexitwounds]

Yes, I feel Kara implied I was not knowledgeable.  And how you read it is most likely how Kara intended the comment, not to hurt me.  But our feelings do not always make sense.

First things first: I think you're being oversensitive. Whether that's too sensitive or not I won't comment on because regardless you have every right to feel how you feel. The etiquette question here is (a) was Kara rude and (b) should you say anything?

People are getting caught up in it being a hot topic but I think it'd be the same if it were cactus harvesting. Like, your friend posts on cactus harvesting saying one method is the best way to harvest, you disagree and explain why another method is, and a third person agrees with your friend saying the first method was best. Then it plays out like it did here but you know you're better informed because you've been trained in cactus harvesting and have considered the issue very carefully.

Anyway. It's human nature to think that people who agree with you on a subject (hot topic or cactus harvesting, it doesn't matter) are better informed because you think you're better informed and they agree with you. Even if rationally someone who disagrees with you is better informed it's not rational to think that because that'd be admitting your opinion is less informed than the dissenter's.

In other words, it has nothing to do with you at all. It's that Kara believes her position is right, which means she's informed, which means dissenters aren't informed, which means that Maria (who agrees with her) is better informed. QED. And (and I don't think you're necessarily thinking of doing this, but...) there's no point in trying to rationalize to Kara or Maria about this; ignore it and remind yourself that it has nothing to do with you. Then go have part of a pint of ice cream.  

[Nurvingiel]

Hey, cactus harvesting is serious business!

HoneyBee, if you do want to continue with these discussions (and they do sound interesting) I think you'd find it in your interest to thicken your skin to what people comment, especially when they aren't talking to or about you directly. You'd derive more enjoyment from the discussion and have a much lower chance of hurt feelings. I sincerely mean this in the nicest possible way.

[Ceallach]

I don't think the fact that it's a hot topic is so relevant, the point to me is that Kara was not asking for feedback or discussion.  Yes, she did open the topic up for discussion by posting it publically, but ultimately she was posting a video that she liked onto her page, not starting a debate on a topic.  People post things they like on their FB pages a lot, it doesn't mean we should necessarily comment on them with our opinions, particularly if we don't like them (which the OP clearly didn't, as the opinions in the video were contrary to her own).   

If she'd posted a video that she liked which depicted something innocuous - craftwork, or gardening perhaps - would the OP have felt the need to comment on it to "politely" express that she doesn't like gardening and thinks it wrong for a number of reasons?    Probably not.  It would have just been ignored as a difference in preference.   I'm not saying that the OP shouldn't have commented on the video, but if you do choose to start a debate, then you need to be willing to accept people responding and disagreeing with you, whether it's political or about gardening.

[Sharnita]

Perhaps Maria has some personal experience that gives her insight from another direction and colors her view?  I don't think it had anything to do with you, more Kara thanking Maria for publicly sharing her views.

This was my thought.

Ignore the comments, they were not meant to insult you in any way.

My thought as well.  I can even agree with this point to some degree.  I could have a doctorate in U.S. HIstory but somebody who fought in World War II would have understanding and insight that I naver could - regardless of their education or career path.

[NotCinderell]

Some people will never agree on certain topics.  Many also believe that those who agree with them are most knowledgeable.  I say let it go and just avoid discussing that topic in the future.

[flo]

Perhaps Maria has some personal experience that gives her insight from another direction and colors her view?  I don't think it had anything to do with you, more Kara thanking Maria for publicly sharing her views.

This was my thought.

Ignore the comments, they were not meant to insult you in any way.

My thought as well.  I can even agree with this point to some degree.  I could have a doctorate in U.S. HIstory but somebody who fought in World War II would have understanding and insight that I naver could - regardless of their education or career path.

That is exactly what I was thinking.  There are specialists who know tons more about DD's disorder, but living with her and dealing with it every day gives me insight a doctor would never have.  In that way, I am much more of an expert on the subject than somebody who has spent years studying it.

[kingsrings]

I have many friends who differ politically than I do.  I have a few who will post offensive comments on their wall.  I do not respond to them.  It is their space and as offensive as I find the comments, they are free to say whatever they wish on their space.  I don't even try to change their mind, even politely.  

Now if your friend made comments that were offensive to you and YOUR wall, then I would get upset.  As it is, you were first to strike by commenting on a hot topic on her wall.

This is my take, too. Sometimes I will respond with my respectful, polite opinion - if I feel it’s “safe” to do so. But if it’s just going to add fuel to the fire, or I feel that the other person or people on said topic are just too emotional about it to have a civil discussion, then I don’t comment at all. And I have some friends on FB whom I know are just NEVER going to be able to accept the opposing view because they’re too emotionally invested in said topic, so consequently I never engage in discussion with them on said topic. Basically, it’s just all about your audience.

But I have total respect for my FB friends for their opinions and would never defriend someone just because they feel differently than me on a topic.

[mindyourmanners]

Bean dip anyone?

Let maria beat her dead horse on her own wall...not on yours.

I would just delete the comments if they are left there and be done with it.