Submitter Thinks this is a Guestzilla Story - The E-Hell Dame begs to differ

[Mainstay]

Letterwriter makes the girlfriend cry twice,

Point of order ... adults can't MAKE other adults cry. Your reaction is your own. Carmen should have had enough stones to laugh off the 'zillaness. Her emotional fragilitude is no one's problem but her own.

So the score as seen by Juana: Bride = r00d, Carmen = SS.

I don't think that's fair, and I've never liked the idea that "no one can make you feel bad, you CHOOSE to feel bad". If Carmen had, say, instead of spilling her wine, dumped an entire punchbowl over the bride's head in the middle of the reception, would you say that "well, she didn't MAKE the bride upset. The bride CHOSE to be upset about having her dress ruined, and being left a cold, soggy mess for the rest of the evening. She could have chosen to just laugh it off instead"?

It sounds like the bride was very cold (at best) to Carmen. It's not being a "special snowflake" to be upset at having to deal with someone who's actively hostile to you in public.

Agree completely with Twik.

[GirlyJock]

And I doubt I'd ever believe it was an accident, mainly because I stay away from white fabrics when holding Things That Stain.

You mean you'd jump first to the conclusion that it was done *deliberately*, even though you were the host who provided all the guests with nice, stainy, intoxicating red wine in the first place?

I've spilled plenty of things in my time. Never ONCE was it on purpose.

I was thinking along the same lines. Just because *you* don't go near white things with wine she must have done it on purpose? Dang.

Honestly, it'd depend on my rel@tionship with the guest. Closer friends or family? I'd think accident. If any guest, let alone someone that I didn't know until the wedding day, walked up to me holding red wine, I'd probably back up quickly, and ask them to put the wine on a table, citing fear for the dress. So for someone to spill something stainy on me, they'd have had to ignored my request to please put the stainy down.

[Twik]

And I doubt I'd ever believe it was an accident, mainly because I stay away from white fabrics when holding Things That Stain.

You mean you'd jump first to the conclusion that it was done *deliberately*, even though you were the host who provided all the guests with nice, stainy, intoxicating red wine in the first place?

I've spilled plenty of things in my time. Never ONCE was it on purpose.

I was thinking along the same lines. Just because *you* don't go near white things with wine she must have done it on purpose? Dang.

Honestly, it'd depend on my rel@tionship with the guest. Closer friends or family? I'd think accident. If any guest, let alone someone that I didn't know until the wedding day, walked up to me holding red wine, I'd probably back up quickly, and ask them to put the wine on a table, citing fear for the dress. So for someone to spill something stainy on me, they'd have had to ignored my request to please put the stainy down.

A point, but the bride (who is trying hard to list every one of Carmen's infractions) never said "she came up to me carrying red wine, even though I told her to keep it away from my dress, and then spilled it". In fact, I'd suggest that if she had any suspicion it was intentional, she would have described it as "the $&#*@ threw a glass of red wine on my dress" rather than describing it as "she was drunk, and spilled her drink".

[GirlyJock]

And I doubt I'd ever believe it was an accident, mainly because I stay away from white fabrics when holding Things That Stain.

You mean you'd jump first to the conclusion that it was done *deliberately*, even though you were the host who provided all the guests with nice, stainy, intoxicating red wine in the first place?

I've spilled plenty of things in my time. Never ONCE was it on purpose.

I was thinking along the same lines. Just because *you* don't go near white things with wine she must have done it on purpose? Dang.

Honestly, it'd depend on my rel@tionship with the guest. Closer friends or family? I'd think accident. If any guest, let alone someone that I didn't know until the wedding day, walked up to me holding red wine, I'd probably back up quickly, and ask them to put the wine on a table, citing fear for the dress. So for someone to spill something stainy on me, they'd have had to ignored my request to please put the stainy down.

A point, but the bride (who is trying hard to list every one of Carmen's infractions) never said "she came up to me carrying red wine, even though I told her to keep it away from my dress, and then spilled it". In fact, I'd suggest that if she had any suspicion it was intentional, she would have described it as "the $&#*@ threw a glass of red wine on my dress" rather than describing it as "she was drunk, and spilled her drink".

Good point.

[LollyBee]

From the first sentence, I was suspicious of the letter writer's motives:

My husband & I were married on May 26 2007 in a small town called Vacy (NSW, Australia).  

If I got married in big city like London, Sydney, New York... I can see naming it, but I got married in a small town in the UK.  I wouldn't name it unless it were extremely important to my story, to avoid being so identifiable.  If I'd got married in Oxfordshire (which I didn't), and said 'I got married on the 42th of December 2020 in a small town called Marsh Baldon* (Oxfordshire, UK)'... I'd be saying it so you'd know it was ME.

*found by looking at random part of the UK I don't live in and zooming in on google maps - I'm sure it's lovely.

edited for spelling

[pierrotlunaire0]

From the first sentence, I was suspicious of the letter writer's motives:

My husband & I were married on May 26 2007 in a small town called Vacy (NSW, Australia).   

If I got married in big city like London, Sydney, New York... I can see naming it, but I got married in a small town in the UK.  I wouldn't name it unless it were extremely important to my story, to avoid being so identifiable.  If I'd got married in Oxfordshire (which I didn't), and said 'I got married on the 42th of December 2020 in a small town called Marsh Baldon* (Oxfordshire, UK)'... I'd be saying it so you'd know it was ME.

*found be looking at random part of the UK I don't live in and zooming in on google maps - I'm sure it's lovely.

Excellent point, and verrry interesting.

[Amalthea]

Letterwriter makes the girlfriend cry twice,

Point of order ... adults can't MAKE other adults cry. Your reaction is your own. Carmen should have had enough stones to laugh off the 'zillaness. Her emotional fragilitude is no one's problem but her own.

So the score as seen by Juana: Bride = r00d, Carmen = SS.

Wait, you're a special snowflake if something upsetting makes you cry?  Man, I think I cried for an hour the last time a stranger yelled at me.  Sometimes you can't help the way your body reacts. 

If Carmen had thrown a tantrum, I could see her being a special snowflake, but it sounds like she just ran off to compose herself.

[shay]

 you know what i also wonder that if Carmen ran off to the parking  sobbing but ran off because she was sick of the bride and decide she would rather leave than deal with the bride any longer and Carson had to convince her to stay

Shay

[RosieRiveter]

you know what i also wonder that if Carmen ran off to the parking  sobbing but ran off because she was sick of the bride and decide she would rather leave than deal with the bride any longer and Carson had to convince her to stay

Shay

Or, she wasn't sobbing at all, but walked off to compose herself before she said something regrettable to the bride.

Honestly, I don't think we can depend on the LW's description of Carmen.  The whole things sounds like it was written to make her look really bad, even though she never did anything really egregious*


*I can no longer use this word without pronouncing it "egg-re-goose" in my mind

[Winterlight]

you know what i also wonder that if Carmen ran off to the parking  sobbing but ran off because she was sick of the bride and decide she would rather leave than deal with the bride any longer and Carson had to convince her to stay

Shay

Or, she wasn't sobbing at all, but walked off to compose herself before she said something regrettable to the bride.

Or, Carmen was removing herself from the bride's vicinity before she slapped the tar out of Bride.

Honestly, I don't think we can depend on the LW's description of Carmen.  The whole things sounds like it was written to make her look really bad, even though she never did anything really egregious*


*I can no longer use this word without pronouncing it "egg-re-goose" in my mind

Me too!

[Dogzard]

so what if Bride flounced over to get Carmen's attention, which startled her, and caused the wine to slosh in the glass?

I think this is quite a stretch. OK, maybe it was an accident. It probably was. I doubt the bride frightened carmen so much that she jumped and sloshed her wine everywhere. I'd still be peeved if red wine was sloshed all over my dress, accidental or not.

Believe me, I've been so startled by someone that I've jumped and would've spilled anything I had in my hand.  I flinch when it's quiet and my DH's phone buzzes!  I can see myself jumping and spilling something if someone suddenly walked up to me and startled me, especially if I'd had a couple drinks already. 

[HeebyJeebyLeebee]

so what if Bride flounced over to get Carmen's attention, which startled her, and caused the wine to slosh in the glass?

I think this is quite a stretch. OK, maybe it was an accident. It probably was. I doubt the bride frightened carmen so much that she jumped and sloshed her wine everywhere. I'd still be peeved if red wine was sloshed all over my dress, accidental or not.

Believe me, I've been so startled by someone that I've jumped and would've spilled anything I had in my hand.  I flinch when it's quiet and my DH's phone buzzes!  I can see myself jumping and spilling something if someone suddenly walked up to me and startled me, especially if I'd had a couple drinks already. 

I've been startled badly too.  In fact, today.  If there's a lot of ambient noise around, like at a wedding reception or the hum of a photocopier, and I'm focusing on something, like trying to calm down or the giant stack of letters I need to copy, then it's very easy to startle me and make me jump, thus spilling my drinking or tossing a bunch of letters in the air. 

[LadyPekoe]

My WP, DH, and I took pictures from 1-6 pm using a limobus.  We would have allowed the SO's to come although I don't know who in their right mind would want to--the wouldn't be in 80+% of the pictures.  None of them wanted to  

I would have been absolutely infuriated if someone, esp. someone I already didn't care for and was a totally ancillary guest, spilled red wine on my dress.  My dress was very expensive and silk and that would have been that for the dress. 

Obviously the bride was a jerk but I think Carmen easily could have been a bit of a drama queen herself.