A couple wedding planning questions

[Julep]

Apparently I save up my questions till my brain is about to overflow, and then come running to eHell to beg y'all for advice!

OK, so question one is a frivilous one. What do you think of "I've Got My Love to Keep Me Warm" as a first dance song? Too corny? Too casual? We don't have a song that really stands out for us, and so I'm struggling to find something at least a little memorable. I thought since it was winter/almost Christmastime, it might be cute to use a seasonal song. I'm open to recommendations too!

Next... Rehearsal dinner invitations. We're thinking about waiting till we've gotten all our RSVPs in (well, waiting till the date they're due) before we send out the RD invite. We've got an early enough RSVP date that they'll have plenty of time to respond to the second invitation, so that's not the problem. The question is this: we have a list of people we'll invite to the RD. If one of them RSVPs no to the wedding, do we still send them a RD invitation?

OK, number three. We have wedding favors that include alcohol. We've made separate favors where we replaced the liquor with chocolates for the under-21 crowd - they're tied with a different color ribbon to make it easy to distinguish. The venue is fine with all this on the condition that they monitor the distribution of them, and they're not given out till the end of the evening. While that's ok with me, I've never been to a wedding where favors were withheld like this. So I wonder - should we have the DJ mention them at some point (and how and when)? Also, am I responsible for somehow ensuring that the nearly-21 crowd don't pick up the wrong favor? Or is it the venue's responsibility since they've insisted on these particular rules?

Hm, what's next? Oh, ceremony music - have you ever been to a wedding where you had to sing as a congregation? What are your thoughts on that? I love a certain church song - it's from my faith, and we're getting married in a church of his faith (they're similar enough faiths though that my song won't be offensive to them, it's just a song that hasn't been in their songbooks in a few years) - and the celebrant is fine with me bringing in songs from mine and even fine with asking the congregation to sing, but I don't know how guests feel about that. It'll be a big crowd, no one is being called out to solo, and it's a common enough song that even those entirely unfamiliar with my faith are likely to have heard it or even know it outright.

I think this is the last one: Guest books. have you ever been to a wedding where you were asked to do anything more than sign your name or whatever? (As you can see, I don't want to put my guests in any position where they're doing things they don't want to do). I was thinking about one of those guestbooks where each person gets a page, but that seems like too much work... so I was thinking about a blank book and then putting a little note up asking for advice, funny stories, etc, but then that seems like it would just take too long. I guess I just want something different from the usual roster, but can't figure out a good balance of sentimental and still breif. I don't like the photo mat version, so that's out.

I'll stop there, I'm sure that's enough for now. I appreciate y'all's help and also a place to empty my brain a little 

[Namari]

I've been to Catholic weddings where there was singing. I love singing in church, so I was pretty pleased. (Especially since it can go on for so... long...)

The only experience I have had with a guestbook was one that was blank and said something along the lines of "give us your best wishes, funny stories, advice, etc." (I don't remember exactly.) I just wrote a quick congrats, but some other people wrote silly stories and included a bunch of doodles. There were a lot of art kids there, though.

[Tizzy]

I love that as a first dance song.

If you're goign to wait for RSVPs then don't send themt o peopel who RSVP no. They'll think you didn't get their RSVP.

Have the DJ do the announcement when you do your cake cutting. "The HC have an extra sweet for you please make to pick it up before you leave..." soemthing like that. I think the site is responsible for the distribution.

I grew up Catholic so that would seem normal to me.

[Julep]

If you're goign to wait for RSVPs then don't send themt o peopel who RSVP no. They'll think you didn't get their RSVP.

I hadn't even thought of that! Great point, thank you.

His faith IS Catholic, and since both of you seem comfortable with it, that's great. I might do it. I had been thinking of a good hymn since we'll be getting married in the second week of Advent - maybe O Come Emannuel? But am worried that that might be making it out to be that our wedding is as important as Christmas. Or something. I had thought of using Joy to the World as our second recessional song (instrumental only - just the organ) but ruled it out for the same reasons.

[DigitalPumpkin46]

Did I show you this?  http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=27364116  I did a version of this for our wedding guest book. I got some really good comments.

The only advice I would have for it, is to have your DJ plug it 2-3 times during the evening, and make sure it's in a prominent spot in the room - ours plugged it once, and it was sorta out of the way, and while we got good comments from those that did fill it out, I wish more people had filled it out. 

I think if many of your crowd is church-going or has some experience in church or would be reasonably familiar with the song even without church experience, go for it. The ceremony is the part that's most focused on the HC, whereas the reception should be more focused on the guests comfort.

I think the song you listed is great for a first dance.  Sinatra is always classic!

I'm not sure about the RD - you certainly could invite someone you're really close to, if you wanted them to be there and they just couldnt attend for the day of the wedding...but I probably wouldnt generally invite them to the RD if they arent attending the wedding. It's a separate, but very connected, event, kwim?

Let the venue know about the color distinction in the ribbon. Also, be sure to email/have it in writing that they are responsible for distribution (and sure, have the DJ also mention it (cake cutting is a good time). 

Lot's of good questions here - you're getting close!

[Julep]

Did I show you this?  http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=27364116  I did a version of this for our wedding guest book. I got some really good comments.

I love the idea - did anyone just sign one or put something short like 'best wishes'? I don't want people to feel like they have to come up with something clever if it's too much trouble. I can imagine I could make something like these in no time. Did you use card stock or just paper?

For the song, I was thinking about Dean Martin's version. I'll have to go listen to Sinatra. I like how Dean's is a kinda laid-back tempo. If Sinatra's is even slower, it may win. Nothing like an easy Fox Trot, I say

[DigitalPumpkin46]

Dean Martin works too! 

I used card stock.  I used 3 different kinds - patterned/orange and cream, plain orange and cream, and brown and cream. Cut them to maybe 3x4 (the outer, the inner cream was about 1/4" shorter on all sides), and laid them out on the table.  Got a frame and a bowl like in the picture, too. 

Yes, people put just "best wishes" and similar sentiments on it.  Nobody actually just signed it though (which was ok!). It was short sentiments, or poems, thoughts, advice, etc.  It helped that in the frame I put examples of what they could say "Please give us your best advice, funny stories, or draw a picture!")

[Bluenomi]

Don't know that song so can't help with that one 

I'd only send rehearsal dinner invitations to people coming to the wedding since it is so close to the wedding and chances are they don't be able to make it either.

Favours: Can you have them put out with the placecards so that the under 21s get the right ones> You could even tie the placecards to them as a tag. I've been at weddings with acholic favours and they have been set out before the wedding. Maybe we Aussies aren't os fussed about these things.

I've had to sing at weddings and as a non church goer I had no idea and kind of mummble along since I don't know the words. DH refuses to sing at all. As long as you have enough people or a choir to fill in the gaps it's ok.

We didn't have a guest book, instead my step mum, the fab quilter, gave every table a blank fabric square and a fabric pen and got people to write on that. One day we will get the wedding quilt with all of them made into the backing fabric 

[SquishyMooMoo]

I think singing is great, but as a PP mentioned it can be awkward if you are the one who doesn't know the song. Both of my siblings had singing at their weddings and included the words in the wedding program. If you're not doing wedding programs, maybe your church has hymnals in the pews and you could have the officiant or whoever starts the singing ask people to turn to Hymn #123 or page #345 in the hymnal. I wouldn't recommend having everyone sing if you aren't going to provide the words anywhere. Again, it's awkward.

[Julep]

Favours: Can you have them put out with the placecards so that the under 21s get the right ones> You could even tie the placecards to them as a tag. I've been at weddings with acholic favours and they have been set out before the wedding. Maybe we Aussies aren't os fussed about these things.

No, I'm afraid we can't. Venues here are soooo careful about liquor consumption and they allowed our favors only under the condition that they're only brought out when people are leaving and that the staff monitors their distribution. The concerns included people grabbing more than one early in the evening - or collecting the bottles from people who didn't want them - and drinking more in the evening than the bartender is aware of. They need to be able to keep track of how much people are drinking to contain their liability. Another concern is that if they are sitting out on the tables while people are up dancing, then underage guests might have an easier time getting their hands on them. There were more but to me, those are the two most imporant reasons, and I think they're valid. Most places wouldn't permit alcoholic favors at all, and it was so important to us that we ruled a lot of them out based soley on that fact (this is a special brand, and we were at one of their charity events when we met).

In other news, I went home last night and downloaded several versions of "I've Got My Love to Keep Me Warm". Interestingly enough, the two singers we've narrowed it down to weren't even in mind yesterday afternoon: Ella Fitzgerald (my favorite) and Billie Holiday (his favorite). Both are great, but Billie's voice has a little more edge; Ella's is smoother. We'll see.

[kam0706]

Sorry, don't know the song to comment.

Sorry, no idea.  We don't have rehearsal dinners in OZ.

YAY! I can be helpful!  I'd just put them out but if you think there's a big enough risk that the U21s will steal them all and get trashed, then let your venue sort it out.

YES!  I had 2 hymns sung by the congregation at my wedding ("Brother, Sister, Let Me Serve You" and "Tell Out My Soul").  We were married in the uniting church (my faith) and while my DH and his family are all Catholic, enough people seemed to know the songs.  I did deliberately choose more traditional hymns with that in mind, however.  The lyrics were printed in full in the Order of Service

Yes, I had a guestbook which had a page for each social unit, with little prompts/questions to help inspire their message.  Less than 1/3 of the guests wrote in it - I guess it just missed a lot of people

[TootsNYC]

Re: the guests who are not attending the wedding, and the rehearsal dinner.

Most etiquette books that suggest inviting guests (guests who are not in the wedding) to the rehearsal dinner suggest only the *out of town* guests. You aren't inviting them in order to honor them, or something. You're inviting them because they're here from out of town and don't have a kitchen. In which case, if they're not traveling to the wedding, you don't invite them.


If your plan was to have a general party, and these people are local, you could invite them. But I would wager that none of them are expecting to be invited.

(and this is just one of the awkwardnesses that's avoided when you don't open up the rehearsal dinner to non-participants and their spouses)

[Julep]

Re: the guests who are not attending the wedding, and the rehearsal dinner.

Most etiquette books that suggest inviting guests (guests who are not in the wedding) to the rehearsal dinner suggest only the *out of town* guests. You aren't inviting them in order to honor them, or something. You're inviting them because they're here from out of town and don't have a kitchen. In which case, if they're not traveling to the wedding, you don't invite them.


If your plan was to have a general party, and these people are local, you could invite them. But I would wager that none of them are expecting to be invited.

(and this is just one of the awkwardnesses that's avoided when you don't open up the rehearsal dinner to non-participants and their spouses)

That's a really good point, and made me realize how ineffective my brain has been recently. The only people coming to the rehearsal dinner are either in the wedding or from out of town. I ended up inviting some of the out of towners (they weren't initially on the list) at the request (and compensation) of my mom. That's a whole 'nother story, but wasn't my hill to die on, so it'll be fun. So yeah, if someone can't come to the wedding, there really isn't a reason they'd be coming to the RD. I needed that V8 - thanks

[Dindrane]

I can't comment on the song, since I've never heard it.

I also think you're fine just not inviting people who have already RSVP'ed "no" to the rehearsal dinner, since most of your "no" RSVPs in that category would probably be from out of town anyway.

I think for the favors, have the DJ mention them once in the earlier part of the evening, and once at the end.  Phrasing it something like, "Don't forget about your favors at the end of the night!" will sufficiently clue people in that a) there are favors, and b) they can't have them yet.  I don't know that I'd work up the energy to think favors at any point during the reception were weird, because it's not something that's a hugely big deal to most guests.

For the ceremony, I don't think it would be weird to have a hymn that everyone sings.  My brother and SIL had "Ode to Joy" during their wedding ceremony, and there were enough people singing that it didn't sound like anyone had a huge problem with it.  My only beef was with that particular hymn, because it's darned hard to sing.   They were married in an Episcopalian church, if that makes a difference to you.

However, I'm not entirely sure that "O Come, O Come Emmanuel" is going to be a good choice for a wedding hymn.  It's a beautiful hymn (and one of my favorites as well), but it's not a very happy song.  Even though the lyrics speak to hope, even they are not very happy.  And the music is in a minor key...that doesn't really shout "joy" to me.

And actually, I don't think I would think anything of it if a wedding right before Christmas had "Joy to the World" as an instrumental piece of music before the ceremony.  It would be seasonally appropriate, and the tone of the music would sufficiently match the tone of the wedding itself that I'd probably think, "how nice," and move on.  If you wanted something less obvious, but still seasonally appropriate, maybe you could look into having some music from Handel's Messiah?  There are some songs and choruses from that that are Christmas-oriented, and not as common as using the Hallelujah chorus as a recessional.  I don't know what the first part of Messiah sounds like off-hand, but you may find something you like there.

For the guestbook, I was going to suggest having photo-sized cards (or whatever) that people can write on, and then attaching them to a scrapbook type of thing after the wedding.  It sounds like DP's link was for something pretty similar.

[Julep]

However, I'm not entirely sure that "O Come, O Come Emmanuel" is going to be a good choice for a wedding hymn.  It's a beautiful hymn (and one of my favorites as well), but it's not a very happy song.  Even though the lyrics speak to hope, even they are not very happy.  And the music is in a minor key...that doesn't really shout "joy" to me.

Haha, I realized that the other day. It's one of those songs I know so well that I sing it without really thinking about the words, I guess. So I was driving home one day and started singing it to myself, and listening to it and kinda grimaced and ruled that one out.

There is one other hymn that I'm going to ask the music director about and that'll be it. If he says no to that one, no singing. If he says yes, that'll be the one. I think I've ruled out the Christmasy ones just out of having reached a point where there's too much to deal with to actually think on things that hard. It's like I was telling DP, when I just went out and bought a veil full price at the bridal store despite the fact that I've spent months bookmarking discount veil sites. It was there, I needed one, I liked that one. Sold. So much less stress and energy expended.

I'm starting to hear from people that most everyone gets to this point. Makes me feel better to know that.

As for the first dance song, we played several versions of it for the dance teacher, and tried to dance to each of them - Billie Holiday wins cause she's the slowest    It's a cute song, and she's a cute ol gal. Now I've just got to figure out father daughter and a couple others. I can do this.