Changing the baby in a restaurant

[Veronica]

I know we just had a thread on something similar but I couldn't find it when I looked.

I met up with a former co-worker today for lunch at a national chain restaurant.  She just had a baby and she brought him with.  He was adorable and she looks just exhausted.  For background-she's a first-time mom, her husband travels for work for weeks at a time, and all her family lives far away. 

After we were done eating she announces the baby needs to be changed and picks him up out of his carseat thingamagiggy (I don't have children and rarely come in contact with them).  I say okay and tell her I'll watch her things.  She looks at me quizzically and asked what I meant while she laid him on the seat and began to unsnap his outfit. 

All I could think to say was, "I don't think you can do that here!"  She asked me why and I said I thought it was a health code violation.  She told me not to worry and that she was sure the restaurant would wipe down the seats later.     I guess the look on my face at that comment clued her in because she said the baby had only peed so she'd wait til later to change him.  She said she'd call her Mom later and ask about the health code violation thing because her Mom works in a daycare.

My question is even if it is not a health code violation I don't want to see it, what do I say if it happens again?  Trust me in that I can't be blunt and tell her it's disgusting.  She looks like she's close to breaking down as it is and I'm trying to tiptoe around her.  Any good advice on what to say?  Blame a weak stomach? 

[GoldenGirl]

You could tell her that other people do not find her child's dirty diapers as inoffensive as she does.  She is used to it, and other people may not be.  Her behavior would have me asking to be moved to another table or leaving altogether, her actions are offensive to me and something I will not put up with near me when I am eating.  I know that I am not alone in those feelings.

It's unfortunate she seems fragile, but it's not right to ruin other people's meals because of it.

[Calypso]

Well, at least she sounds open to being corrected about it, thank goodness.

If you can handle doing it, perhaps if it comes up again and she just looks too tired to make the treck to the ladie's room, you could offer to take the baby and do the change yourself?

[MamaMootz]

"You know, they have changing tables in the restroom for that - it would probably be much more comfortable for everyone if you used them."

Too snarky?

[Veronica]

Well, at least she sounds open to being corrected about it, thank goodness.

If you can handle doing it, perhaps if it comes up again and she just looks too tired to make the treck to the ladie's room, you could offer to take the baby and do the change yourself?

I thought about that but the problem is that I've only changed the diaper of a toddler and that was years and years ago.  I've never changed an infant's diaper.  He's two months old and his head flops around, I started to panic a little when I held him for fear I'd give him whiplash.  I thought about offering to babysit but he's just too young.  When she fed him she had to stop to burp him and I realized that it never would have occured to me to burp him had I been feeding him.  

Needless to say, if I do ever get pregnant, I'm going to be reading a lot of books.  Also, my Mom has promised to come stay for the first few weeks.  

[Veronica]

"You know, they have changing tables in the restroom for that - it would probably be much more comfortable for everyone if you used them."

Too snarky?

I think that's on the right track.  I'm just trying to figure out a way to word it without making her feel like she's making a huge faux pas.  Maybe something like, "I'm sure you'd be more comfortable changing him on the baby changing table in the restroom."

[Veronica]

Just wanted to mention, I am not normally this wishy-washy and I'm probably considered pretty blunt.  If this was one of my good friends I could easily tell them they were grossing me out.  Of course, I couldn't see one of my close friends doing this.

[evely28]

"You know, they have changing tables in the restroom for that - it would probably be much more comfortable for everyone if you used them."

Too snarky?

Nope. Perfect.

[Veronica]

I don't get the mariachi band reference.

[Wavicle]

Even "nice" smells are too be avoided in restaurants. Nice smelly candles can upset people, gross things can completely ruin a meal, since smell and taste are so closely connected.

If it comes up again and it isn't a health code violation, I would just say you don't want dirty diapers near where you eat, and even if you don't have food the people around you may be eating.

[HonorH]

This incident has probably already planted the idea in her head that changing the baby on the seat probably isn't going to go over too well with others.  If it happens again, repeat your offer to watch her stuff and maybe mention the changing table in the bathroom.  Honestly, if she's going to be precious about this sort of thing, it's probably better to have her friend dropping anvils than for a stranger to come over and start yelling at her, or for the restaurant to ask her to leave.

[Fluffy Cat]

That is so not right, and you did fine.  A small story of my own from a few years ago.  At a lovely restaraunt in Maine, very late at night (there were only a few people left dining), I walk into the extremely tiny ladies room.  As I walk out of the stall to wash my hands, I find myself blocked by a mother and grandmother changing a baby on the extremely meager (maybe 3 feet long) counter/sink space.  They laughingly tell me I'll have to wait, so I walk out of the bathroom, two feet over to the empty family bathroom which contains a baby changing station, and wash my hands there.  Then I march over to the hostess and tell them they may want to clean the ladies bathroom counter in a few minutes.  The hostess was very grateful for this information.

[Aeris]

Tell her:

1) no they do NOT wipe down the seats between patrons. Seriously? Has she ever seen a restaurant do this? How utterly bizarre.

2) toilet issues belong in the bathroom. That's why the toilet, and the changing tables, are located there. Ask her how'd she'd feel if her toilet were relocated in her dining room.

[Miss March]

It really is such a shame, because so many new parents are extremely conscientious about changing the baby discreetly and appropriately. I think it is great that you raised some concerns with her, and I hope that she does talk to her mother, and that she'll get the read on how to better manage her baby changing issues from here forward.

[ACBNYC]

"You know, they have changing tables in the restroom for that - it would probably be much more comfortable for everyone if you used them."

Too snarky?

I think that's on the right track.  I'm just trying to figure out a way to word it without making her feel like she's making a huge faux pas.  Maybe something like, "I'm sure you'd be more comfortable changing him on the baby changing table in the restroom."

I don't think you need to tip-toe around it. Your goal isn't humiliation, it's education. "Friend, it's not sanitary or polite to change a diaper where others dine. There's a changing table in the restroom--do you want some help in there?"

I did something similar--pretty sure I've mentioned this here. My daughter was a week old, and long story short, I dumped a huge iced coffee all over her on a crowded Manhattan street. I panicked and stripped her down and changed her on an outside table at Au Bon Pain, which was where I'd purchased the coffee. Granted, it was coffee not pee, but I still shouldn't have done that and I cringe whenever I think of it. My exhausted and overwhelmed brain just wasn't firing on all cylinders that day.

Sometimes people just need a little reminder, and even if it embarrasses them a bit it can still be gentle and get the point across.